The haunted ruins
by SuperMom1
Summary: John sets out with his team to explore some ancient ruins. Rodney is convinced that another of Janus' lab is located there and he begs John and the team to go with him for a look. Before long John starts to see mysterious figures that no one else can see. Is he seeing things or is someone really there? Very soon John is in trouble and needs his friends help.
1. Chapter 1:The mysterious ruins

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of its characters. I do love to write about them though.**

**Set in Season three, shortly after the, "Return". **

**Chapter 1: The mysterious ruins.**

Lt Colonel John Sheppard stepped through the stargate and was immediately hit by pelting rain and a fierce wind; it was dark, gloomy and cold, icy cold. It was supposed to be around midday on this planet, but it was practically dark. A loud crack of thunder roared through the sky and then suddenly the sky was lit up by a flash of lighting. Even ducks wouldn't want to be out in this weather he thought. He had read that the storms on this planet were quite severe at this time of the year, but nothing had prepared him for this.

"What the hell," he swore, to no one in particular.

Rodney was in big trouble for begging him to come here today; he was going to kill him when they got back to Atlantis; figuratively speaking of course. He stood and watched the gate waiting for the rest of his team to come through; Rodney was going to get an earful when he finally stepped through.

After what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes, Ronan stepped through followed by Teyla and then finally Rodney stepped through.

"This is not good, "Teyla commented, trying to wipe the water from her eyes.

"McKay," Ronan growled, glaring at the man.

"I think I should go back, I don't really want to catch a cold." Rodney complained, turning around and heading back to the gate.

"McKay, you've been begging to check out these ancient ruins since before we ended up of earth, so we're staying. Lead the way McKay and get going, because I'm not happy, "John replied indignantly,

Rodney turned around and glared at him, "okay I'm going.

"Where are we going again?" Ronan growled, with a thunderous look on his face.

"Rodney has discovered yet another super-secret lab from Janus and he thought, oh wouldn't it be great to make his team go and explore it in the middle of a freaking storm." John told them, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Teyla looked at her friends and teammates and sighed, "So are we going to the ruins or are we going back to Atlantis?

John sighed, although he really wanted to go back to Atlantis he had promised Rodney that no matter what happened he would go with him and explore the ruins today. I little bit of bad weather won't kill me he thought.

He looked at his friend and sighed heavily again, "okay McKay we'll go and check out your ruins, lead the way."

Rodney set off towards the ruins, followed by Teyla and Ronan, he brought up the rear. He still wasn't happy, but Rodney was one of his best friends and a genius, if Rodney had a good reason to explore these ruins, then who was he to argue with him.

The path they were on was obviously the main path from the gate, the only problem was today it was slippery and wet; he walked behind his teammates and watched them slip and slide from time to time, all the while trying to keep his own footing.

They travelled for a few minutes and then the rain stopped, John breathed a sigh of relief, maybe the rain would hold off for the rest of the mission now, he thought.

John was lost in his thoughts when Rodney slipped in a patch of mud and started to complain loudly, "so tell me flyboy why couldn't we bring a jumper again?"

"Rodney you told me yourself that a jumper wouldn't fly on this planet, you told me it would fall out of the sky and drop like a brick, something to do with ionising radiation in the upper atmosphere." John told him with as much patience as he could muster considering the circumstances.

"Ohhh…, that's right I did." Rodney muttered in reply, letting John help him up.

They continued on in the gloominess, the sky seemed to get darker as they entered a forest; John pulled his flashlight out of his pocket and shone it ahead of him, the beam cutting a swath through the menacing darkness. This is not my idea of a fun time, why did I let McKay talk me into this he thought? They continued on in silence which only made the path before them more eerie and frightening.

The forest grew deeper and the sky grew darker as they continued on, the wind was picking up again and whispering through the trees. Very soon the rain started to fall again and it very quickly turned from a slight drizzle to a heavy rain.

"Aw crap, this isn't good," John muttered under his breath.

"How much farther is it McKay?" Ronan growled.

"I don't know we should be there soon." Rodney shot back at him.

"It better be McKay or I'll pull my gun out my gun and shoot you." Ronan thundered at him a look of cold anger crossing his face.

"Ronan, Rodney, please settle down? This is not helping matters." Teyla spoke in a soothing tone. Her voice was louder than normal, so she could be heard over the wind and the heavy rain.

Ronan was about to say something else when John spoke up, "okay, let's get going again, if we're almost there we may as well see what's up ahead." He yelled over the storm.

They travelled down the sodden path for what seemed like hours; in reality it was only another five minutes, before they came to a clearing and up ahead they saw the ancient ruins which they had been searching for.

"_Thank the ancestors!" _Teyla exclaimed.

John smirked at his friend, he knew that Teyla no longer thought of the ancients as the superior beings she once did, but every so often, she'd offer up a prayer of thanks to them anyway.

They walked towards the ruins up ahead; they were obviously of ancient design. There appeared to be a central spire that looked the same as the Atlantis control tower, much of the surrounding city seemed to have fallen down or had been overgrown by trees and scrub over the eons.

"Where do you want to start McKay," John asked him, trying to keep his patience. The rain had eased off again and the sun had come out, but he was wet and cold and wanted to get home as soon as possible.

Rodney looked at him thoughtfully, "I'm thinking if we head to the spire and start from there."

They headed of in that direction, just as the sun disappeared, the skies opened up and the rain started to pour down in torrents, "Crap," John muttered, as his foot slid into a deep puddle. Not that it mattered, because he was absolutely drenched anyway.

"McKay," he shouted, "If we don't find anything in the next hour, we're going back to the gate."

"Whatever," McKay replied, his tone dismissive.

John thought about answering back when a loud crack of thunder roared across the sky, followed by a flash of lightening lighting up the landscape around him. It was in that moment that he saw something in the distance, he couldn't be sure, but he thought it was a person.

He shuddered at the thought of someone being out in the storm alone, he looked back to the same spot, he'd seen something a moment before and saw nothing, I must be paranoid, he thought.

Looking ahead of him through the pouring rain, he realised that he had fallen behind the others, he ran to catch up. "Hey guy's wait up."

Teyla turned to look at him, "are you okay John."

John looked at his feet trying to work out what to say to his friends, he could be paranoid, but then if his friends had seen it too he'd know he's not crazy. "Did you guys see someone across the clearing when the lightening lit up the sky a few minutes ago?"

Rodney looked at him as if he'd lost the plot, "I saw nothing Sheppard."

Ronan looked at him and shrugged, "me neither."

Teyla was a bit more diplomatic, she looked at him and took his hands, "Are you sure you saw something John?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "no it must have been the storm playing tricks on me."

He looked at the path ahead and realised that they were getting close to the spire, as he got closer, he realised it was definitely in ruins, the glass had shattered and turned to dust a long time ago. Plants and trees had grown up around the balcony and parts of the steel railing were rusted through and what remained was twisted into unrecognisable shapes.

At that moment a thunderclap roared through the sky and flash of lightning lit up the world around him, looking back he saw the shape that he had seen before, only this time it was closer. He shuddered and looked back towards the ruins, realising that the others had already entered.

Looking behind again he saw nothing. This storm is really beginning to freak me out he thought.

Turning around he saw that Teyla was waiting for him to follow her, after one last glance behind him, he followed her in.

"Hey this place looks exactly like the control room in Atlantis, only smaller!" Rodney yelled his eyes wide with excitement.

John looked at him and rolled his eyes, "really McKay, I never would have guessed if you hadn't told me." He said sarcastically.

"Do you have any idea where to go next Dr McKay?" Teyla asked him, while wringing the water out of her hair.

"Just let me see if I can power up this terminal," Rodney told her as he took his own computer out of his bag and hooked it up to the ancient terminal.

Not bothering to wait for Rodney, John walked up to the terminal and waved his hand over it. Suddenly it came to life, no surprise there he thought.

"Hey Sheppard, did you do that," Rodney exclaimed with fear in his eyes.

He glared at him, "no Rodney, it was a ghost." Rodney looked at him, ready to run out the door, "Of course it was me, who else would it be?"

Rodney sighed with frustration, "very funny Sheppard."

He looked at him and smirked, "can you find anything of use Rodney?"

"It may take me a while," Rodney told him while looking at his lap top.

"Well I'm going to have a look around outside, Teyla you stay with McKay, Ronan you're with me."

Teyla nodded and Rodney waved at him, so he left the control tower with Ronan in tow.

Arriving back outside he was happy to see that the rain had dried up and the moon had come out, casting an eerie light across the dark wet landscape. We must have been here for hours he thought.

Elizabeth must be getting worried by now he thought tapping his headset,

"Sheppard to Weir, can you hear me?"

There was no response, so he tried again with more urgency in his voice this time, "Sheppard to Weir, can you hear me?"

There was still no response, so he tried one last time. "Sheppard to Weir, can you hear me?"

When there was still now response he looked at Ronan, the worry evident in his eyes, "I have a really bad feeling about this place, let's take one last look around this place and then I think we should go."

Ronan nodded at him, his eyes darting from left to right, "I couldn't agree more Sheppard."

"Okay Chewie, I'll circle left and you circle right."

Ronan nodded and headed off to his right. He smiled at Ronan and circled off to his left.

The place was really beginning to feel creepy, clouds were drifting in front of the moon, bringing an inky blackness to the ruins for a moment or two, before the moon escaped the clouds and shone on the landscape again, creating menacing shadows. All I need now is a wolf howling in the distance and I'd be stuck right in the middle of a horror movie. He shuddered at the thought as he continued to explore the outside of the ruins.

After five minutes, he decided that it was time to go and look for his friends, as he turned round he saw a figure hiding in the shadows of in the distance, it was the same one that he had seen twice before, it appeared to be moving closer, straining his eyes against the darkness, he noticed something in the mysterious figures hand.

He didn't have a chance to contemplate things any further, as he felt a tiny prick in the side of his neck.

Aw crap, was his final thought before he hit the ground and darkness claimed him.

**TBC…**

**I hope you enjoyed chapter one.**


	2. Chapter 2: What is going on?

**Chapter 2: What is going on?**

Elizabeth Weir looked at the gate for what seemed like the hundredth time in an hour, the truth was it had only been the fifth.

She sighed, remembering back to when SGA 1 had left earlier that morning. The team seemed in good spirits. It appeared that John was happy to be back in Atlantis, Rodney was happy to be exploring some more ancient ruins, Teyla was happy that her friends were back in the Pegasus galaxy and Ronan was happy to have his best buddy John back. She'd smiled and waved at them as always, but she really should have known from past experience that things were never that simple for them.

Now it was getting late and Elizabeth had expected to hear from John an hour ago, but as usual they were late checking in.

She looked up at the gate again, only to see Carson entering her office.

"Hey Lassie, how are ye going?"

"Not good, I'm really worried about John and his team, we haven't been back in the Pegasus galaxy for very long and it seems as they could be in trouble already."

"Don't worry Lassie I'm sure that their okay, they've probably lost track of time. You know Rodney when he gets engrossed in something, he tends to lose track of time." Carson told her with concern.

Before Elizabeth had a chance to say anything more, the radio in her ear crackled.

"Weir here, Is that you John?"

There was no answer.

"John is that you?"

The radio crackled again and still there was no answer.

"John its Elizabeth here, can you read me?"

As the radio went dead Elizabeth took the head set off her head and through on her desk, she was totally frustrated and this didn't allay her fears that something had gone wrong.

"Carson Something has definitely gone wrong."

"I'm beginning to get a little concerned myself, why don't we try dialling the gate lassie."

Standing up she headed out to the control room to speak to Chuck, Carson was following close behind.

"Chuck, can you dial the planet that Colonel Sheppard and his team are on please?"

Feeling apprehensive she watched as he dialled the gate, she was holding her breath as each chevron lit up, when the seventh chevron was dialled the gate shut down.

She looked at Carson feeling very upset and disappointed. What am I going to do now she thought, they'd been back less than a month and already her favourite team seemed to be in trouble?

She went to tap her head piece and realised that it was still on the desk in her office. Walking slowly back to her office, she tried to think of what to do next.

She arrived in her office and retrieved her headset, putting it on, she contacted Radek Zelenka.

"Weir to Zelenka, We have a big problem."

Sitting back and closing her eyes she realised that her head was beginning to pound. What now she thought.

Carson came in and sat down next to her a few minutes later, she felt him lift her wrist and take her pulse. She opened her eyes and saw his blue eyes looking at her with what looked like concern.

"Before you do anything else Elizabeth I want you to take some Tylenol and have a meal, I will get Major Lorne, to speak with Zelenka and try to figure something out."

She looked at him wondering if she should argue or not, but then she realised that he only had her best interests at heart. "Okay Carson I will go and get something to eat and then I want to meet with Zelenka and Lorne in my office in one hour; you can be here as well if you like. Can you please set that up for me?"

Carson nodded at her as she left the room.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla looked at Rodney who was glued to his computer and he seemed to be totally unaware of anything going on around him.

She started to pace around the room feeling strange and upset, "I'm getting a little worried about John and Ronan, have you found anything yet Rodney?"

He looked up from what he was doing looking confused, "what are you talking about?"

He furrowed his brow and looked back at what he was doing, "Look Teyla I haven't really got time to worry about messy haired flyboys and barbarians right now, I'm sure it hasn't been that long."

"Rodney It seems to have been hours and I have had a strange feeling ever since we have come to this planet and when John thought he saw something out in the storm, perhaps we shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss him."

"I'm sure he's just found something to blow up or shoot at, he'll be fine."

She sighed looking at her clueless team mate, there was definitely something wrong, she felt her Spidey sense tingling, she smiled thinking of her team leader and friend and some of the funny sayings he had introduced to her.

She was startled from her thoughts by Ronan running into the room, "I can't find Sheppard anywhere and I really don't like it."

Ronan why don't you sit down and take a rest, and then we'll go outside to look for John together when it stops raining. I am also worried about John."

At that point Rodney looked up from his computer; Teyla thought that he was beginning to look a little worried by what was going on, "What do you mean you can't find him anywhere Conan?" Rodney asked standing to his feet and walking in their direction.

He appeared to be frustrated as he answered, "I've been around the spire twice and I haven't found him anywhere."

Teyla sighed she knew that they would have to go and look for John soon, but she certainly wasn't looking forward to heading out into the night. All the time they had been on this planet, she had been freaked out and things just seemed to be getting worse.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Within an hour Elizabeth was back in her office, with Zelenka, Lorne and Carson sitting across from her, rubbing her sore head and looking at the men In front of her she knew that she had to come up with something to tell them and quickly.

"Gentlemen I have called you here to tell you that we can't access the gate on the planet Colonel Sheppard and his team are visiting and we need to come up with a plan to rescue them."

Zelenka just stared back at her, "that certainly sounds worrying, do you think the wraith are on the planet."

"That is one possibility, but I what I want you to do is to search the ancient data base and see what you can find out about this planet and why the gate may not be working."

Lorne stood up and started to pace the room, "what about the Daedalus, how far away is it?"

She scrunched up her face, that had also been her first thought, "they have only just left earth, so we can't rely on seeing them for another three weeks."

Carson looked at her and patted her hand. She suspected that he was trying to offer her comfort, but it wasn't really helping. "What do you need me to do Lassie?" He asked.

She smiled at her friend, "I need you to do your job and make sure that we all get some rest while this is going on. I need you to keep an eye on us and remind us that sometimes we need to sleep and eat."

"Aye I can do that Lassie, now how about you go and have a rest and Radek can start looking through the ancient data base."

She knew that she was too tired to argue at this point, so she waved good night to the men in the room and headed to her room.

She found it incredibly difficult to get to sleep that night, she lay there thinking about what had happened since they had come back from earth, *the most notable being the problem with the solar storm, it was John's quick thinking that had saved them on that occasion,* but she knew that Rodney had also saved them on numerous occasions as well. She really couldn't run Atlantis without either man, thinking about her friends and colleagues; she eventually fell into a restless sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John became slowly aware and his head began to pound, one thing he knew for sure was he was in exactly the same place that he had been when he was shot and it was raining again. What the hell is going on now he thought trying to open his eyes? Finally he opened them to find a mysterious figure staring down at him. This isn't the figure I saw in the storm, so if that's the case who the hell is this? The strange man had rather modern looking clothes on, whereas the figure in the storm looked to be from some sort of backwards tribe.

The strange man was staring at him and it made him feel very uncomfortable, eventually the strange man spoke to him, "Why are you here?"

Trying to sit up he realised his head was hurting; the strange man put his hands on his shoulders and tried to help him sit up.

Feeling a little disconcerted, he looked at the strange man and furrowed his brow, before answering, "We came to explore the ancient ruins, why are you here?"

"My name is Daniel Smith and I am here to do the same."

Still weary of the man he introduced himself, "I'm Colonel John Sheppard and I'm here with my friends exploring the ancient ruins as well. Are you here alone?" Suddenly remembering that someone had shot him with a tranq dart he asked the man, "Did you shoot me?"

"Yes I am alone, I had some friends with me earlier, but they headed back home earlier, when I tried the gate an hour after they had left, I found that it didn't work and no it wasn't me who shot you, although I was a little worried when I found you unconscious."

John looked at him trying to process what he had just heard. Great the gate isn't working; I'll have to figure that one out later he thought. "Did you see anyone out in the storm earlier?" He asked him suspiciously.

"No I didn't but I suggest we get inside, before we catch a cold?"

He smiled at Daniel thinking that he sounded exactly like Rodney; they'll probably be good friends he thought.

At that moment a crash of thunder roared through the night and a flash of lightening lit up the night sky, John felt his heart thump in his chest, as he saw the mysterious figure, getting closer again. "Did you see that, there is someone definitely out in the storm?"

Daniel turned and looked in the direction that John was looking and a confused look came over his face, "No I didn't see anything."

John felt his arms and legs beginning to tremble, as he looked back at the spot that he had seen the figure a few seconds earlier and it was gone.

"Come on Colonel, let's get inside?" Daniel suggested.

"I'm getting a little freaked out, so I couldn't agree more."

Letting Daniel help him to his feet, he started to head back to the spire looking for his friends.

Suddenly there was a loud crack and a bright flash, as the thunder and lightning made its presence known, looking back John saw not one, but two figures in the distance.

He started to run, without looking back over his shoulder, he shouted, "Daniel we really need to get inside now, I really think I'm starting to go a little crazy being out in this storm."

Running towards the entrance of the control tower, he ran into something large and hard, he had no chance to steady himself before he fell and hit the ground hard.

"Aw crap" he muttered, lying on his back looking up at the night sky and getting a mouth full of water, as the rain began to come down heavier.

**TBC…..**

***These events can be read about in season three episode 12 "Echoes".**


	3. Chapter 3: The ancient testing ground

**Chapter 3: The Ancient testing ground.**

_Running towards the entrance of the control tower, he ran into something large and hard, he had no chance to steady himself before he fell and hit the ground hard._

"_Aw crap" he muttered, lying on his back looking up at the night sky and getting a mouth full of water, as the rain began to come down heavier. _

John lay there totally startled, as his head started to pound; he barely noticed when a face covered by dreadlocks stared down at him. He lay there staring back at him, with all sorts of thoughts going through his head. Is Ronan real, or am I imagining him? Where the hell is Daniel, is he nearby or has he disappeared? He looked up to see Daniel behind Ronan, so he was obviously still there and when Ronan spoke he knew that he was real.

"You alright Sheppard?"

"What the hell are you doing out in the rain Chewie?" He shouted at him angrily, the pain in the back of his head notching up a little.

"Looking for you."

"Well now you've found me, so let's get inside," he replied angrily, rubbing the back of his head. "Gee it felt like running into a brick wall running into you. Why didn't you give me some warning before I ran into you?"

"Sorry, I guess you're not as fit and strong as you pretend to be." Ronan smirked, giving him a hand to get to his feet.

"Okay there's no reason to insult me Ronan, I'm getting better at sparing and I've managed to beat you once or twice."

Ronan smirked at him again, "once and that was when I was recovering from the flu."

John just glared at him. He felt the presence of someone breathing down his neck and then he remembered the stranger, he had met out in the storm, "Ronan Dex this is Daniel Smith, he has come to explore the ruins as well."

Ronan looked behind John and shrugged his shoulders, "Are you sure, because I don't see anyone?"

"What do you mean you can't see anyone, he's right behind me," John said turning around to see that Daniel had disappeared.

"Hey Sheppard, I'm beginning to get a little worried about you, are you sure you saw someone?"

"I'm _fine;_ now let's go inside, before I see _someone else_ who isn't there!"

Heading back towards the spire, John took one last look behind him and saw nothing except the rain which was still coming down in torrents.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth arrived in the mess hall to have something to eat, she really wasn't hungry, but Carson had insisted.

Finding a table overlooking the ocean, she sat down with her sandwich and bottle of water.

She sighed, this was one of the places she came to when she wanted to think and she really needed to think right now. What was she going to do about John and his team? Chuck had tried dialling the gate a few more times after she had left her office and still the seventh chevron hadn't locked. After staring at the gate for a few more minutes, she had left and come to the mess hall to follow Carson's instructions.

"Dr Weir is this seat taken?"

She looked up to see Zelenka. The little Czech looked anxious, "no sit down Radek what can I do for you?"

She smiled at him, as he sat down, he was one of the original scientists that had come to Atlantis and she was very fond of him, today his hair was messier than she had ever seen it and his glasses were perched on top of his nose as usual. He was almost as intelligent as Dr McKay, but there was no way she would tell Rodney that, because Rodney would rant and rave as to why it wasn't true.

Zelenka looked at her and ran his hand through his already messy hair, "I have found out what the ancients were doing on that planet."

She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"It is some kind of testing ground; I'm not sure what it was used for though."

She stared at him thoughtfully, "were they testing weapons?"

"I'm really not sure at this stage; I'll continue to look into it."

"Okay, Radek let me know when you have more."

He nodded and left, so she went back to staring out at the ocean. Well that really didn't help me much did it?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla was sitting by the door, watching for her friends to return when Rodney spoke to her, he seemed really excited about something, but she didn't know for sure.

"Teyla, the ancients were using this as some sort of testing ground."

"What were they testing Rodney?"

"I don't really know that as yet, there is some sort of power source hidden in the lower levels, which I'd like to explore when the others come back."

Teyla looked at her friend feeling more than a little confused, "that could take a while if this city is as large as Atlantis, could it not?"

There was a gleam in Rodney's eyes as he answered, "Well Teyla, this is actually only one third the size of Atlantis, so it shouldn't really take long."

"We will see what John says when he returns Rodney."

She went back to staring out of the door waiting for her friends to return, it had been a long day and the rain and storms were still raging outside, she longed to be back on Atlantis safe and dry. Things had been pretty boring while John and his people had been back on earth and she'd longed for a bit of adventure, now that it was happening she wasn't sure what she thought. Never a dull moment with this team she thought, so now she found herself wishing for a quieter life.

She looked up as her team mates walked through the door, they were completely drenched and John was holding the back of his head.

"What happened to you John?"

"I ran into a brick wall named chewie."

She walked over to him and led him to a chair, "Let me look at the back of your head?"

Walking around to the back of the chair, she saw a gash with a rather nasty lump beginning to form on the back of his head. "I must clean this wound and put a dressing on it, so it does not lead to infection. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"I was tranqed by a tiny dart, so you might want to look at my neck for a pin prick?"

She looked at his neck and on first glance she couldn't see anything, "Let me look at your head first and then I will have a proper look at your neck."

She stared to clean and dress the wound on the back of John's head. Wondering why John thought he'd been hit by a tiny dart, she asked him the question, "Why do you believe that you were shot?"

John looked at her, as if she was crazy, "well I felt a tiny prick in my neck and then I fell to the floor unconscious."

"Well I am sorry John I see no evidence of what you are saying."

John looked around the room at his friends, "So what are you saying, do you think I'm crazy?"

Teyla sighed, she was really becoming worried about John and she had no idea what was happening to him, she suspected the others felt the same. "John no one thinks you are crazy, but there is something going on and we really need to find out what it is."

She looked around at the Rodney and Ronan and they both nodded their agreement.

She was cleaning the back of his head when he winced, "Ow, that hurt."

"Sorry John, but I have to do this and it may hurt."

He nodded and let her continue.

She continued to work for a while in silence, when John's head shot up and he started to look around, his eyes wide open. "Do you see those people?

"I do not see anyone John," she told him feeling more anxious by the minute.

"Ronan do you not see Daniel Smith?"

"Sorry Sheppard, I still don't see anyone." Ronan told him, looking around the room.

"Me either Sheppard," Rodney told him, not bothering to look up from his laptop.

Teyla watched John's eyes darting around the room and then all of a sudden, he cried out "Who are you please, leave me alone?" and then he screamed

She got to him just as he slid out of the chair and his body began to shake, "he's having some kind of seizure," she cried trying to hold his head still.

She watched as Rodney took his upper body and Ronan took his legs, both of them trying to stop him thrashing about."

She watched for a few minutes, feeling totally helpless and not knowing what to do to help him and then he suddenly went limp, but his eyes remained open and he was staring into empty space.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John walked into the area that Rodney and Teyla were occupying, looking around he noticed that Rodney was still sitting at the computer and Teyla was waiting by the door. He felt cold as he was completely drenched and the back of his head was ponding, wincing he put his hand to the back of his head and when he pulled it away he saw blood.

Teyla looked at him, with what could have been concern, he wasn't really sure, "What happened to you John?" She asked.

"I ran into a brick wall named chewie."

She walked over to him and he let her lead him to a chair, "Let me look at the back of your head?"

Teyla walked to the back of him and looked at his head. "I must clean this wound and put a dressing on it, so it does not lead to infection. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"I was tranqed by a tiny dart, so you might want to look at my neck for a pin prick?"

She looked at his neck, "Let me look at your head first and then I will have a proper look at your neck."

She stared to clean and dress the wound on the back of John's head, "Why do you believe that you were shot?" she asked

John looked at her, as if she was crazy, "well I felt a tiny prick in my neck and then I fell to the floor unconscious."

"Well I am sorry John I see no evidence of what you are saying."

John looked around the room at his friends feeling totally stunned that they didn't believe him, "So what are you saying that you think I'm crazy?"

He looked up at Teyla and saw a strange look on her face, "John no one thinks you are crazy, but there is something going on and we really need to find out what it is."

He looked around at the Rodney and Ronan and they both nodded their agreement.

Suddenly touched a tender spot at the back of his head, "ow that hurt."

"Sorry John, but I have to do this and it may hurt."

He nodded and let her continue.

He let her continue her work and silence fell on the room. All of a sudden he saw the strange people he'd seen in the storm approaching him, including Daniel Smith. "Do you see those people?"

"I do not see anyone John," Teyla told him, while looking around the room.

"Ronan do you not see Daniel Smith?"

"Sorry Sheppard, I still don't see anyone." Ronan told him, looking around the room.

"Me either Sheppard," Rodney told him, not bothering to look up from his laptop.

Looking around the room, he noticed that the strangers were coming closer and they had weapons pointed at him, as they continued to approach, he yelled "Who are you, please leave me alone?" He felt a pressure building up in his head, when his head felt as if it was going to explode, he was in agony and then he screamed.

He felt himself sliding out of the chair and his body begin to shake, he heard someone saying "he's having some kind of seizure," and trying to hold his head still.

He felt someone holding his upper body and someone holding his legs, all the while his body was thrashing about.

He suddenly felt his body go limp, but the darkness didn't come, all he could do was lay there and look at the strangers surrounding him, with their weapons pointed at him.

**TBC….**

**I hope you're still enjoying it; I always love to know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4: Fight or flight

**Chapter 4: Fight or flight.**

Rodney looked down at his friend, who was twitching and moaning and his eyes were wide open; he felt really uncomfortable seeing his friend like this and knew that he had to do something; Sheppard was usually a picture of strength, so this was very disconcerting for him.

"I really need to track down that energy source. I feel that it could be the key to stop what is happening to Sheppard."

"I'm going with you." Ronan mumbled.

"I thought you might say that. Give me another five minutes with this data base and then I want to start."

He sat staring at the computer for what seemed like forever, in reality it was only a few minutes. "I think I know what's happening. I can't say for sure, but I think that this is a testing ground to see if ancients were worthy of battle."

"What does this mean for John?" Teyla asked, still looking down at their friend.

He sat there in silence wondering what this meant for his friend, looking down at him, he noticed that he was still twitching and his muscles were still trembling. He knew that he really needed to find that power source, as he knew without a doubt that was the key to Sheppard waking up.

"I honestly don't know, but I don't think it is good. I really need to get to that power source and disconnect it as quickly as possible."

Ronan glared at him, "what will that do to Sheppard?"

"I honestly don't know, but the sooner we get down there the better, I can do more research when we get down there."

"Well let's get going then," Ronan mumbled, walking up to him and grabbing his arm.

"I am really worried about John, he looks to be in pain, so I will stay with him," Teyla told them, holding John's hand tightly.

Rodney passed her a hand held radio, "Keep in touch with this, I don't think our headsets work on this planet."

"Thank you Rodney, now please hurray and please stay in touch?"

He nodded and left the room with Ronan following him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John stared at the people around him. They came closer with their weapons pointed at him and cold empty looks in their eyes. This was really freaking him out and he felt afraid, although he wasn't scared very often, sometimes he was and this was one of those times. "What do you want from me?"

Daniel smith pointed his shot gun at him, the look in his eye was not friendly at all, it seemed to be cold hatred "We want you to fight and this is a test of your fighting abilities."

John shuddered and looked at Daniel wondering where the hell he had gotten a shot gun from. Looking behind him he noticed that a number of others had joined the crowd, they had a variety of weapons on them, including, knives, spears, swords and bows and arrows. This has to be my imagination right, because, no-one else could see them. Taking deep breaths, he desperately tried to wake up?

"What the hell is this?" He asked, not at all understanding why they would want him to fight, especially if they were figments of his imagination.

He looked straight and Daniel and Daniel's eyes narrowed, "you are an ancient and have been sent here to prove yourself in battle, so you will fight or die. Which will it be, because you are running out of time to choose?"

"Do I get a weapon, because it seems pretty unfair if you get weapons and I don't and another thing you guys can't really hurt me can you, because you're all in my head right?" He asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Before he had a chance to blink Daniel had lifted his shot gun and pulled the trigger. He felt incredible pain, as the bullet buried itself in his arm like a ball of hot molten lead, he gasped as the pain hit him, he had not really been expecting it. He'd been shot in that arm so many times before he wondered why his arm was still attached.

Does that answer your question? Now run and hide or fight if you dare, because we are coming for you." Daniel said with a cold hard look on his face.

He looked around and saw the other hallucinations; that was the only word he could think of to describe them at this point. They lifted their weapons and advanced towards him, their faces just as vacant, as they had been the first time he'd laid eyes on them.

He didn't need to be told again, so he leapt to his feet and started running out of the building, he ran out into the storm which that was still raging through the night, the wind was icy cold, as it blew through his clothes which were already wet again due to the pelting rain that blinded him. Running into the woods he felt bullets whiz by his head hitting the trees beside him and spraying pieces of bark back at him. He heard a snap above him and looked up, just in time to see a branch break and come crashing down. Hitting him in the head it knocked him to the ground. He lay there dazed for a few minutes, before he felt an arrow whiz by his head.

"Aw Crap," he muttered dragging himself to his feet. Feeling incredibly nauseous, he started to run again. Looking back he saw that the hallucinations were gaining on his, so he knew he had to pick up speed.

Once he was sure that he had out run them, he slowed down thinking about what he should do next. He knew that he needed to find a place to hide; looking up ahead he saw some caves. That would be a good place to hide for the night. Heading in that direction, he continued on slowly, slipping and sliding on the wet muddy path. The path was so slippery at one point that he slipped and fell to the ground, with a sickening thump. He looked up at the sky, just as a loud clap of thunder roared through the night, followed by a bright flash of lightening, lighting up the world around him. He was about to get up and start running again when his stomach betrayed him, rolling to his side he emptied his stomach contents and retched until he dry heaved. Rolling onto his back again he realised that his head was pounding and his arm was throbbing, he really needed a rest.

Looking around he realised that he was alone for the moment, so he closed his eyes, thinking that he would rest them for a few minutes. He felt his eyelids drooping and soon he felt the darkness encroaching, after fighting it for a few minutes he finally let it claim him.

He awoke sometime later, to someone kicking him hard in the ribs, "stop kicking me" he grunted, still half asleep. Looking up at the sky he realised that the storm had stopped and the sky was getting lighter, must be sunrise he thought.

"Why are you sleeping? We could kill you right here. If we did you would have failed our people, by proving you're nothing but a worthless loser. That's why they sent you here wasn't it, because you're a worthless loser?" Daniel taunted him.

Still not totally awake he made a groaning sound as he tried to get to his feet, "What?"

"The Ancient council sent you here, to test your courage and bravery did they not?" Daniel asked with a quizzical look on his face.

Finally getting to his feet and using his most charming smile he looked at Daniel, "Umm no, I came here to explore ancient ruins, you told me that you came to do the same."

"I do not remember that," Daniel replied with disdain.

"Well then Daniel, may I call Daniel. Don't know if you realise or not, but the ancients left this galaxy about ten thousand years ago and they either ascended or died out, so what do you have to say about that."

"That makes no sense to us, so you had better keep running. The Ancients have programed us to kill those who won't run or fight, so get up or I will shoot you."

Daniel held up his gun ready to shoot, but before John had a chance to start running a stray arrow ripped through his side shredding flesh and muscle. He yelled and another one of the hallucinations spoke, "I am hyena, you will run, because the next arrow I hit you with will have a poison tip."

He didn't need to hear any more so he started to move all the while holding on to his side, he really needed to get someplace safe and take a look at his wounds.

Staggering to his feet he set off along the path that he had taken the night before, he still saw the caves up ahead and that was his destination. He was glad that it was light, because it really helped him see, but it also helped the holograms see.

He now knew that they were holograms and this place was another one of the ancient's incredibly stupid ideas. The only problem was that he was caught in the middle of a freaking horror show and the only way he saw of getting out of the mess was for his friends to somehow turn of the program that was running.

Looking behind him he saw that the holograms were gaining on him again, so he knew that he really had to come up with an idea to take some of them out. He saw a hole up ahead in the ground. He quickly covered the hole with leaves and branches and ran to hide behind a tree. The holograms came closer and closer to his trap, so he held his breath as they approached the ambush he had set up for them. Suddenly the two in the lead fell into the hole and another three followed. There was only one left and it was looking around trying to figure out what was going on, so he grabbed a tree branch and approached him from behind. He wacked him on the back of the head, the only problem was that the tree branch went right through the holograms head. The hologram turned and lifted his sword towards him ready to strike and then suddenly it disappeared.

Cautiously he approached to hole and noticed that there was nothing in the hole.

Daniel smith appeared before him, "well played Colonel Sheppard, you have one hour to kill the rest of them, or the simulation will reset. I should also let you know that whatever injuries that occur in this environment will happen to you in the real world, so you better hurry up or you still may die.

He'd had enough of the game, so his patience was at an all-time low, "any other words of advice before I start running again?" He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"This isn't I game, it is my intention to kill you, but I want to have some fun first." He fired his weapon at Johns feet, not quite hitting him.

John rolled his eyes, "Guess I'll get going then," he quipped, as he started running again.

He knew that he was slowing down and it was probably due to blood loss and the concussion, he had suffered. He wondered what was going on outside of this virtual environment, how close were his friends to shutting down this simulation? Were they tending his wounds? Knowing Teyla she was sitting beside him holding his hand and speaking words of encouragement to him, while bandaging up his wounds.

He smiled at that thought, until a bullet whizzed past his head and hit a tree in front of him causing a large piece of bark to hit him in the eye. Half blinded he knew he needed to get running again.

It was about ten minutes later when he approached the cave, it looked well-hidden and out of site. The holograms shouldn't be able to see him from the path.

Venturing inside, he looked around for any local wildlife; luckily it seemed to be empty.

Still holding his side he stumbled over to the cave wall and carefully sat down.

Finding that he still had his TAC vest on he took out some bandages and started to bandage his wounds, when he had finished he took some Tylenol and closed his eyes. How much worse can things get? Closing his eyes, he let the darkness claim him again.

**TBC…**

**Poor John, I wonder what the others are up too?**


	5. Chapter 5: Disturbing discoveries

**Chapter 5: Disturbing discoveries.**

Elizabeth was sitting in her office, surrounded by paperwork yet again. She was still worrying over John and his team, no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't stop worrying about them. It had been over fourteen hours since they had left on this mission and still they hadn't been able to contact them. Her head was aching and she really felt tired, she'd had some sleep over the last fourteen hours, but not much and it had always been at Carson's insistence. How she longed to head back to bed right now, but she knew that they had a lot of work to do if they were ever going to be able to rescue John and his team. She contemplated contacting Carson and asking him for another stash of Tylenol, but she thought better of it, knowing if she told him about her headache he would probably order her to sleep and insist that she do it in the infirmary under his supervision.

She looked up when she saw Zelenka entered the room, "What have you got for me Radek?"

"I've discovered why we can't dial the gate and it is not good."

She sighed and put her hand to her head, her headache was really beginning to notch up again, but she did her best not to let it show. The last thing she wanted was for Radek to report her to Carson; she put on a smile as she spoke, "what do you mean it's not good Radek?"

The little scientist ran his fingers through his hair and pushed his glasses up on his nose, as he prepared to speak, "When Sheppard stepped on to that planet, something detected his ancient DNA and shut the gate down and the only way to deactivate whatever shut the gate down it is on that planet."

Running her fingers through her own hair she looked at the scientist and sighed, "Thank you Radek, see if you can find a way to shut it down from here."

He looked at her and began to walk out of the door, "I will do my best Dr Weir."

She'd barely had a chance to look at her paperwork again when Carson came into her office.

Looking up she plastered a fake smile on her face, "what can I do for you Carson?"

"I actually came to see if you were looking after yourself lassie?"

"I'm doing the best I can, considering the circumstances Carson and before you tell me it's time to get some rest or something to eat, I really haven't got time to do that right now."

"I wasn't even going to suggest such a thing, but what I do want to know is, do you have a headache Lassie?"

"How did you know Carson?"

"I can see the pain lines around your eyes. Here's some Tylenol and I want you to go and have a rest in an hour and I will check on you, so don't even think about trying to get out of it."

She nodded and took the medicine from Carson and putting it in her mouth, she told him, "I can live with that arrangement." Once Carson had left her office she put her head on the desk and drifted off to sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla sat and watched over her friend, as his muscles continued the twitch and tremble, he now had sweat beading on his forehead and his usually unruly hair was plastered to his forehead. Finding a bandage from her TAC vest she wet it with water from her canteen and started to wipe his forehead with it.

She watched as he started to moan and thrash about. Holding his head and laying on his body, she tried to keep him from hurting himself. Eventually he settled down again. She sighed in relief and started to wipe his forehead down again.

She sat there in silence thinking about all the times recently he had been in difficult situations; far too many for her liking, it's like the man attracted trouble; either that or he had really bad luck. She offered a prayer to the ancestors that she didn't even believe in that Rodney and Ronan would find something soon and he would be alright.

Wiping his neck over with the damp cloth she spied the tiny pin prick that he had been talking about earlier, that is odd I wonder how that happened, she began to look further, exploring his body for any other signs on injury. There was nothing else for the moment and she hoped it would stay that way.

She decided that it was about time to contact Rodney and Ronan. "Teyla to McKay are you there?"

"_Yes Teyla what can I do for you?"_

"Something very strange had happened, that tiny pin prick that John was talking about has appeared on his neck."

"_We've found what appears to be Janus' lab and the power source seems to be coming from there, so were going in. Keep me informed on Sheppard's condition, McKay out."_

"Let me know what you find in the lab, Teyla out."

Looking down at her friend again, she noticed that he had gone completely still, holding her breath and panicking, she put her fingers to his neck, trying to find a pulse. Breathing a sigh of relief, she found that he was still alive, his pulse was weak, but at least it was still there. Grabbing the bandage she'd been using, she dampened it down and started to wipe it over his face and neck.

Teyla had been sitting too long and she felt that it would be a good time to get up and walk around the room. Walking around the room she looked outside and noticed that the storm had finished and the sun had come up. Losing herself in her thoughts again, she thought that it was going to be a very long day.

Eventually she settled next to John again, just in time to hear him yelp in pain, looking down she noticed that a wound had opened up on his upper arm, taking a closer look it looked as if he'd been shot and what was worse was there seemed to be a bullet in his arm. Pulling a bandage out of her TAC vest, she started to wrap up his wound.

Sitting by his side for a while longer, she noticed that his heart rate had picked up again and then he yelped again, as a rather large gash appeared on his forehead. "This is not good," she muttered, as she attempted to place a dressing on his head, before she'd even finished a huge hole appeared in his side and blood started to slowly seep out, she grabbed another bandage and started to press it into his side to try and stop the bleeding, he moaned and it looked as if he was in agony as she did this.

Before she had a chance to think, he started to vomit. She rolled him onto his side as best as she could, given his injuries and kept him there until he had finished. She went around to his other side to avoid the mess and then tried to figure out what to do next.

Thinking that she should let Rodney know what was going on she tapped her earpiece, _"Rodney this is Teyla come in?"_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rodney entered Janus' lab with Ronan following close behind him. Looking around he found a light panel and waving his hand across it the lights came on. He walked over to a computer terminal that had activated when the room lit up and connected his lap top to it.

"This is not good," he mumbled, feeling incredibly worried by what he saw.

"What?" Ronan growled, heading over to stand next to him.

"It appears that the gate is off line and whatever is affecting Sheppard is the cause, apparently the device is designed to shut down when Sheppard either dies or defeats the hallucinations in his head, but the only problem is there are hundreds of them and there should only be one or two or maybe three at the most, in the scenario that he's trapped in."

"What are you saying McKay?"

"What I'm saying Conan, is that if we don't manage to shut this thing down soon, Sheppard will probably die." Rodney was feeling distraught and his hands were waving about as he spoke.

"Well you'd better do _something_ quick!" Ronan growled, as he kicked the wall.

"Yes, yes, calm down Conan, I'm on to it."

Rodney sat down at his lap top and started tapping away, praying that he would find and answer soon, because he had no idea what was happening in John's head right now, but he knew that it almost certainly was bad news.

He hadn't been working long at all when his radio activated, _"Rodney this is Teyla come in?"_

"Yes Teyla what's happening?"

"_John appears to be injured, he has injuries showing up all over his body and he is in much pain."_

"Well that's not surprising, because the entire program is malfunctioning and he's being stalked by hundreds of hallucinations who are trying to kill him, so my only option is to try and shut of the device and hope it doesn't kill him. One thing I do know is that if I don't shut it off it will most likely kill him."

"_Dr McKay you must hurray, because his heartrate is increasing and his pulse is weak, I don't know how much longer he can last."_

"I will work as quickly as I can, Rodney out."

Sitting down at the computer he stared at his computer for a few minutes and then started to work as quickly as he could, to come up with a solution. He knew that if he couldn't come up with a solution soon it would be too late for his friend.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John awoke agony sometime later, it was dark in the cave he had hidden in and he had no idea how long he'd been sleeping. His head was pounding and he thought that he might vomit if he moved again, so he lay completely still until he knew his stomach could be trusted not to rebel.

Slowly he managed to drag himself to his feet using the cave wall to help him, once he was on his feet and he'd manage to steady himself, he started to stumble out of the cave. He had no idea why he was leaving, because he was probable safer in the cave for the moment, but then he knew that sooner or later Daniel and his buddies would find him.

He'd come to the conclusion before he'd fallen asleep, that they were definitely hallucinations and not holograms, because he was positive that all this was going on in his head. The only problem was how was he supposed to defeat hundreds of hallucinations within an hour or two, they kept popping up out of nowhere and he was beginning to feel dizzy and weak; probably from the blood loss and concussion.

Coming to the entrance of the cave he was practically blinded by the sun, as he tried to exit. He guessed that he'd been asleep for an hour or two judging from the sun's position in the sky. Checking his canteen he realised that it was empty, so the first item on his agenda was to find water, which was weird, because this was all going on in his head.

Heading off in the direction of where he thought a water source could be, he wasn't really paying attention to where he was walking and he tripped over a large branch lying in the path. He heard the crack of bone as he fell on his wrist, looking down, he noticed that his wrist was bent at an odd angle, "Aw crap," he muttered laying there and looking up at the sky.

He thought about just lying there and going back to sleep, ready to give up the fight, when he felt someone kicking him in the leg.

"I was sure that you'd be dead by now Sheppard? Are you going to lie there all day like the loser you are, or are you going to get up and fight?"

"Just give me a few moments and then I'll get up and fight you Daniel, you're actually in my head, so I should be able to control you and by controlling you I should be able to defeat you right?"

Daniel kicked him again, "yes that may be true, but can you defeat all of us?"

Looking around John realised that now there were hundreds of hallucinations around him and they were all pointing their weapons at him.

**TBC….**


	6. Chapter 6: A fight to the death

**Chapter 6: A fight to the death.**

Elizabeth awoke to find that she had fallen asleep with her head on her desk. Looking around still feeling groggy and tired, she realised that Carson and Radek were sitting in the chairs opposite her. She lifted her head only to moan at the pounding in her head.

"How long have you two been sitting there?" She managed to ask, in a croaky voice.

It was Carson who answered, "half an hour or so."

Elizabeth felt embarrassed, the fact that Carson was watching her was worrying, but to know that Zelenka had been as well, that was downright embarrassing. "So you've just been sitting there watching me sleep have you?"

Elizabeth just stared at the men, "Elizabeth you have to understand that we are worried about you." Carson told her gently.

"Well there's nothing to be worried about, as you can see I have just had a rest and my headache is feeling much better." She knew that Carson wouldn't buy it, because he'd be able to see the pain lines around her eyes.

"Okay lassie, I believe you," Carson stated, she looked at him and thought that he didn't look very convinced.

She looked at him closely trying to figure out if he was going to start up in Doctor Mode, or if he was just here as a friend. When he said nothing else, she decided that he was just here as a friend.

She looked at Radek and addressed him, "Radek have you been able to shut the program down from here?"

"Sorry, Dr Weir, but from what I can understand, the only way to shut it down is from the planet. There is absolutely nothing we can do, but sit and wait for Rodney and the team to shut it down on the planet."

She watched as Carson put his hand over his mouth, she suspected he was stifling a yawn and she had to smile.

Carson took his hand away from his mouth and she could see that his eyes had widened, "Elizabeth, you don't think they'll need a doctor when this is all over do you?"

That was exactly what she had been thinking for a while now and that in itself worried her, "knowing Colonel Sheppard's team, it's a strong possibility."

"Well I guess I should get my infirmary ready then just in case." Carson told her leaving her office.

She looked at Radek wondering if he was going to get up and follow, but before she had a chance to say anything he asked, "What do we do now?"

"Now we wait."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla had just finished cleaning up the mess around John, that he had made when he had been sick, looking down at her friend again, she noticed that his twitching and muscle tremors were getting worse again. He started thrashing his head again, so she held is head and leant over his body again to stop him from injuring himself further.

Eventually he stopped convulsing and thrashing and his body stilled, but then she heard a loud crack, looking down she noticed that his wrist had broken. He suddenly started to moan and try to grab his wrist, she pushed him onto his back again and took his wrist and tried to splint it up. Suddenly his muscles started twitching again and he seemed to settle down a little. Taking his pulse she found that it was getting weaker and that his heart rate was still up, "that is not good," She muttered

She sat still watching him and wondering what she should do next. She felt absolutely powerless to do anything, she couldn't really help John and she certainly couldn't help Rodney or Ronan down in Janus' lab. I think I'll contact Rodney.

"Teyla to Rodney, come in please?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rodney was staring at the information that kept popping up on his computer when Teyla's call came in.

"_Teyla to Rodney, come in please?"_

"Yes Teyla what can I do for you?"

"_John's convulsions seem to be getting worse and now he has a broken wrist."_

"That doesn't sound good."

"_How are things going Rodney have you found out anything as yet?"_

"I'm finding things out slowly, so if you'd let me get back to work, maybe I could figure something out, McKay out."

"_Okay keep me informed, Teyla out."_

Looking up from his computer, he notice Ronan staring at him, "What?"

"How's Sheppard, "Ronan growled, looking as if he wanted to hit something.

"He has multiple injuries and is beginning to suffer from blood loss, he has a slow thready pulse and his heart rate is up, so unless I do something soon, we'll probably end up losing him."

Rodney just kept staring at the computer; he really had no idea what to do next. From what he could tell there was no way out for John except to defeat the hallucinations and that disturbed him immensely, because he always managed to save the day at the last minute before, but now he had absolutely nothing.

He looked up at Ronan with fear in his eyes, "Ronan, I'm sorry I really have no idea what to do."

"What do you mean you have no idea what to do?" Ronan thundered.

Rodney was feeling totally overwhelmed and distraught, he didn't want the information he'd just read to be true, but he really couldn't see any other way around it, but to tell Ronan the truth, "I know that they abandoned this battle testing ground, because they kept killing off their own people. The problem is by the time they abandoned it, the whole program was beginning to breakdown and they never bothered to fix it. The failsafe's they built into the system have long since malfunctioned."

"I have to see Sheppard," Ronan told him running out of the room.

Rodney sighed and started running to try and keep up.

Arriving back in the control room he found Ronan sitting by Sheppard, Teyla sat on the other side, "how is he?" Rodney asked looking at Teyla, he knew what her answer would be, but he had to ask anyway.

"He's not good, His wounds are still bleeding slowly, his pulse is still thready and his heart rate is even more elevated than before.

Rodney looked down at his friend and noticed how pale he had become since he had last seen him, he could see that his injuries were still seeping blood and he had bruises covering his body. He knew that his friend had escaped so many life threatening situations in the past, but he feared that this time John's luck had run out and they were going to lose him.

He was startled from his thoughts by Teyla talking to him, "Rodney what do we do now?"

His answer was short, and he knew that it wouldn't give her any reassurance, "now we wait."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Looking around John realised that now there were hundreds of hallucinations around him and they were all pointing their weapons at him._

"Why are you doing this?" John asked Daniel, looking at the hundreds of hallucinations around him.

"As I told you before, you have been sent here to fight, to prove you are a worthy ancient and not the loser the ancient council believes you to be."

"Well you see that is where we have a problem, I'm not an ancient, I am descended from the ancients, but I'm not an ancient. Can't you guys tell the difference?"

Daniel kicked him again, "It makes no difference to us, so why are you still lying around and not running or fighting.

"Well I don't think having to fight hundreds of hallucinations is a fair fight, so I'll make a deal with you, how about hand to hand combat one on one, you against me with sticks and no guns?" He suggested, still lying on the ground.

Daniel looked down at him and kicked him again, "an interesting idea, but what makes you think that you can beat me. You're injured and losing blood fast, so why don't you run away and die like a coward?"

At that comment, he stood to his feet. Standing straight and tall, he told Daniel, "Because I'm not a coward, if I'm going to die I will die fighting."

John was shaky on his feet and he had the headache to end all headaches, he was feeling dizzy and knew he was suffering from blood loss. His wrist was throbbing and he felt as if he was going to pass out any minute, but he knew that this was his only chance, because there was absolutely no way he was going to defeat all of those holograms. There was always a chance that Rodney would come through for him, but he knew that he would probably die of blood loss before that happened, so his only option was to fight one on one with Daniel.

Picking up the stick that Daniel had thrown him, he watch Daniel; who had two sticks and began to circle him. "Are you ready to die," Daniel asked him with a gleam in his eye.

"I think it is you who will die today, which is a totally weird thing to say, because you're in my head."

They circled each other for a while longer, before Daniel made the first move and lunged at him, but he anticipated Daniel's move and moved aside. Circling John again Daniel attempted to strike again, but John was quicker even with only one hand he managed to block him.

John watched as Daniel circled him again, he knew that he had to conserve energy, he was fading fast, his head was pounding and he knew that he was suffering the effects of blood loss, because his wounds were still bleeding slowly; so he didn't move unless it was absolutely necessary.

Daniel lunged at him again and he managed to move aside, "Is that the best you've got Daniel?" John asked him wiping the sweat out of his eyes.

"Oh I haven't even warmed up yet John; I'm just giving you a chance to ease into things, seeing as you're so injured."

John looked at the ridiculous hallucination and laughed, "Don't go slow on my account, let's just get this over with, so I can wake up and go home?"

"If you insist John," Daniel started attacking him, blow after blow came at him and John managed to block every single one. He could see that Daniel was tiring, so he knew all he had to do was continue to block his attack.

Daniel looked at him and laughed, "Are you ready to give up John? Are you ready to admit you're a coward and loser to the ancient council? That is the only way you'll get out of this alive,"

"I don't think so," John told him and mounted an attack of his own, blow after blow he delivered on Daniel who managed to block most of them, but not all. There was blood streaming down the hallucinations face, by the time he'd finished.

Daniel stood still trying to catch his breath, "well played Sheppard, is that the best you've got?"

John was exhausted and his breathing was shallow, he knew that he didn't have much energy left, before he was finished. He had one thing left to try and he prayed that it would work. "No I was just taking it easy on you; let's see what you've got Daniel."

He watched as Daniel lunged at him again, he tried to move out of the way, but his moves were slow and clumsy, so Daniel managed to whack him in his injured side with his stick. Gasping in pain he fell to the ground. Looking up he saw that Daniel was about to jump on him, but John was too quick; he swung his lower body around and kicked Daniel hard behind the knees, as Daniel was falling to the ground he managed to throw his injured body on to the hallucination and wrapping his hands around Daniel's throat, he managed to strangle the life out of him.

Rolling off him and staring at the sky, he thought he saw the holograms disappearing, as the darkness encroached on his vision and eventually overcome him.

**TBC…**


	7. Chapter 7: Help is on its way

**Chapter 7: Help is on its way.**

He thought he saw the holograms disappearing, as the ever encroaching darkness surrounded him.

Laying there in the darkness John wondered if he was dead, or worse still would he wake up and see hundreds hallucinations standing over him with their weapons ready to strike. He really had no idea and he felt afraid.

He was contemplating what was going to happen to him next when he heard voices off in the distance, straining his ears, he listened closer. I recognise those voices, he thought.

Eventually he saw grey up ahead and the voices became louder, but with this, all the pain in his body awoke and he felt his breathing become hitched and shallow. He really needed to see what was going on, so he opened his eyes and saw all of his friends looking down at him. Seeing his friends he knew that he was safe and he felt comforted by their presence. He knew that everything would be okay, so he closed his eyes and surrendered to the darkness again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rodney stood watching his friend from a distance. All he could see was his friend's body twitching and convulsing, things seemed to be getting worse again and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it, he had to hope and pray that Sheppard could get himself out of this one. Starting to pace and wring his hands he barely noticed Teyla calling him.

"Rodney, stop pacing and come over here?"

He looked vaguely in her direction, "What?"

"I said stop pacing and come over here and join us, I would think that John would want all of his friends with him at a time like this."

He felt totally ashamed of himself, he knew what Teyla was telling him was true, but he just couldn't sit there and watch his friend die and that was what it had come to, his best friend was dying right before their eyes and he couldn't do a dam thing about it, for the first time in a long time he felt absolutely powerless and it wasn't a feeling that he enjoyed.

Teyla's voice invaded his thought again, "Rodney come here now?" She didn't appear too happy with him, so he decided that he should probably do what she asked.

He looked at her and shrugged, "What can I do Teyla?"

"Just sit with us, he may not have much longer, but the least we can do is be here for him."

Suddenly he had an idea. It was a brilliant idea and he knew what he needed to do to shut the program down. Rushing over to the computer terminal, he grabbed his lap top and pressed a few buttons. He really hoped that this would work, because if it did, he would have saved the day at the last minute again.

He was lost in his thoughts when Teyla started calling him again, "Rodney what did you do?"

He answered her, feeling his ego swelling with pride, "something sciency, you wouldn't understand."

"_Rodney_!" She shouted, "He is getting worse, his breathing is shallower and the wound in his side is bleeding more profusely."

Suddenly John stopped moving, Rodney felt terrible and started to panic, "Oh no, no, no I've killed him," he gasped.

Through his panic, he sensed that Teyla was shouting at him again, "Rodney, sit down you have not killed him, his breathing seems to be evening out a bit now, but this wound is bleeding more heavily than it was before, so if you have fixed things, can you dial the gate?"

Rodney was just about to walk away when John opened his eyes and looked around at them all and smiled, as quickly as his eyes opened they closed again.

"I'm going to try and contact Atlantis now," He stated feeling very relieved that he hadn't killed his best friend.

"McKay to Atlantis, come in please?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth was sitting at her desk staring at the gate again. It had been nearly twenty four hours since John's team had stepped through the gate and they were still no closer to contacting them.

Her thoughts were interrupted, yet again by Carson, "how are you feeling today lassie, have you had some rest and is your headache gone?"

"Yes Carson I have had a rest and yes my headache has gone away, at least the physical one anyway. The fact that we still haven't been able to contact John and his team is another headache or should I say nightmare all together."

Carson sighed, "Well my infirmary is ready for any emergency and all of my staff are on standby; let's hope that I won't need them."

She looked at him thoughtfully, "Carson do you believe in bad luck, or curses?" This is a question she'd spent a lot of time thinking about of late.

"Why do you ask Lassie?"

"Well I'm convinced that John Sheppard is either cursed or he has the worst luck in the world. He always seems to end up injured and under your care."

Carson chuckled, "I don't think its bad luck or a curse, but I do know he deliberately puts himself in harm's way to help and protect others. That's just who he is."

She was thinking about what Carson had just said when the gate activated; she rushed out of her office to the control room and spoke to Chuck.

"Who is it Chuck"

"It's Dr McKay IDC and he's sending a transmission."

Elizabeth tapped her earpiece, "Rodney its Elizabeth here, what's happening, is everyone okay?"

"_I've managed to shut down the program, that was preventing the gate from being dialled and the program was also causing the ionising radiation in the atmosphere, so you should be able to bring a jumper through now. Please hurry and make sure you send Carson, because Sheppard is in a bad way."_

"Rodney it's Carson here, can you tell me what Colonel Sheppard's injuries are?"

"_He has a gunshot wound the arm, multiple head wounds and it looks as if he had a spear shoved through his side, so at the risk of repeating myself, please hurry?"_

Elizabeth looked at Carson with worry in her eyes before she spoke, "Rodney do you have any idea what happened to him?"

"_All I can say is that I believe he was attacked by some homicidal hallucinations in his head, now please hurray?"_

"We'll send a rescue jumper straight away and I'll send Carson along as well, Elizabeth out."

"_Just Hurry, McKay out."_

She tapped her earpiece again and contacted Lorne, "Major Lorne please report to Jumper one for a rescue mission, take a squad of Marines with you, Carson will fill you in on the details, Elizabeth out."

"_I'm on my way Lorne out."_

"I'm off to get my bag," Carson told her leaving the gate room.

She stood staring at the gate again, although Carson said to her that she didn't believe that John was cursed, this proved to her that he was either that or he did have the worst luck of anyone she'd ever known. She headed back to her desk mulling over these thoughts and wondering just how bad John's injuries were this time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla was sitting holding John's hand, while Ronan held a bandage to his abdomen. She was really worried, because his face looked beyond pale, his breathing was becoming shallower and his pulse was slow and thready, she offered up another prayer to anyone who would listen that help would get here soon, there was no way she wanted to lose John Sheppard. He was her best friend and she often wondered whether given the right situation could there be more between them, she prayed that one day she might get to find out. Her thoughts were interrupted by Rodney.

"A rescue jumper is on the way with Carson on board, it should be here in about ten minutes," He told her with a worried look.

She looked at Rodney and felt a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes as she tried to speak, "I hope it will be soon enough. He is getting worse; I do not know how long he has left."

"Me too," was all that Rodney said in reply.

She looked down at her friend again, just in time to see him open his eyes, "Teyla…?" He whispered, looking up at her.

"Yes John I am here and so are Ronan and Rodney, a jumper is on the way with Carson on board and it will be here soon."

"Teyla…I…Killed…Daniel…Smith…and…shut…the…program….down." He stuttered in between shallow breaths.

Teyla saw that Rodney was about to open his mouth, so she glared at him indicating that he should stay silent.

"Quiet, McKay," Ronan growled.

Teyla looked into John's eyes and spoke, "Yes John you did; now why don't you try and rest until Carson gets here?"

He nodded his head slowly and then he started to cough, Teyla and Ronan helped him sit up slightly and Rodney offered him a drink of water.

Teyla watched as he struggled to breath and then she noticed blood coming out of his mouth, eventually his coughing subsided and he closed his eyes again.

She sat and held John's hand again feeling even more worried than she had been before. One thing she knew for sure was that she was super annoyed with Rodney, "Rodney before you say anything, it does not matter who shut the program down. The main thing is that it has been shut down and help is on the way."

She stared at Rodney, just to make sure he didn't answer back and make things any more difficult than they already where.

He shrugged, "I guess you're right Teyla."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson sat next to Lorne as he expertly piloted the jumper through the gate. He felt restless, he was on his way to an emergency and he had no idea what to expect. One thing he knew for sure was that Colonel Sheppard was suffering from blood loss and no matter how quickly he attended to his other wounds, if he lost too much blood, there was no way he would save him without a transfusion. He'd thought ahead and brought one unit of the Colonel's blood type with him, but would that be enough? He had no idea. He sighed, thinking back to the conversation that he'd had with Elizabeth just before he'd left. The man certainly was a trouble magnet, but to be fair it really wasn't his fault. He usually got into trouble for two reasons. Number one; protecting others and number two, because of his ATA gene, he wondered what it was this time?

He barely heard Lorne talking to him, "Dr Beckett, we'll reach their location in around two minutes, are you ready?"

"What?"

"Two minutes Doc and then we'll be there." Lorne told him, speaking louder this time.

"I'll be ready," he replied, still barely registering, what Lorne was saying to him.

He continued to sit staring through the window as the Jumper approached the ruins, he didn't even notice when they had landed and the back hatch had been opened.

"Carson, it's time to go."

He suddenly snapped to attention and grabbed his bag heading out of the jumper; he was worried about what he may see when he got inside.

Rushing inside he found Teyla sitting beside John and holding his hand, Ronan was holding a large bandage to his abdomen and John didn't look good.

He looked at Teyla's tear stained face and he knew that he needed to act quickly, "Teyla can you move aside please, so I can check my patient?"

Looking down at his patient he knew the first thing he needed to do was to start a blood transfusion and then he needed to make sure there was pressure on the wounds. Thinking aloud he said, "I may need to stitch up this stomach wound, to by myself some time." He started an IV of blood in one hand and an IV of fluid in his other hand. Getting out an oxygen mask he placed it on his face and then he started to stitch the wound on his abdomen.

All of a sudden John's eyes shot open and he whispered, "Doc…Is…that…you?"

"Aye lad, it's me just relax and we'll have you back in Atlantis in no time."

John nodded and Carson watched as his eyes closed and his body began to shake, "he's convulsing," He said trying to hold his head still, "Rodney hold his arms and Ronan hold his legs to make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

As quickly as it started it stopped. Carson leant down to listen to his chest. He looked around at the rest of his friends with a sense of dread, "Dam it he's stopped breathing."

**TBC…**


	8. Chapter 8: Carson to the rescue

**Chapter 8: Carson the rescue.**

John slowly became aware of the darkness surrounding him again and he thought what has happened this time? He heard voices again, but this time there was a different voice, it was a Scottish voice and he recognised it, but couldn't quite place where he had heard it before.

He knew if he was to find out he had to open his eyes. Suddenly he managed to open his eyes wide, looking around he saw his friend and his Doctor, Carson Beckett.

"Doc…is….that….you?" he managed to whisper.

"Aye lad, it's me just relax and we'll have you back in Atlantis in no time."

He nodded at his friend and closed his eyes. All of a sudden, he felt his body begin to shake all over; he vaguely heard someone saying, "He's convulsing, Rodney hold his arms and Ronan hold his legs to make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

He felt the convulsions cease and then he felt it become difficult to breathe, thinking that this was it and he was about to die, he closed his eyes, let his body go limp and finally, he let the darkness take him maybe for good this time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla looked at Carson in shock, as tears came to her eyes, "Carson is he going to be okay?"

"Aye love, he's just started breathing on his own again, but I really need to get him back to Atlantis now," Carson explained placing and oxygen mask on John's face. He then proceeded to stitch up the wound on his abdomen. "Ronan can you and Rodney, bring me the stretcher from the jumper please?"

Teyla still felt worried about John, so she approached Carson again, "Carson why are you stitching up his wound, would he not have internal bleeding that needs to be fixed?" She was totally confused by what he was doing.

"Yes Teyla I will need to operate when we get back to Atlantis, but this is just buying us time, so he doesn't bleed out.

Rodney and Ronan came in at that moment with the stretcher, "can you help me get him on the stretcher please?" He asked the two men.

Once they had loaded John onto the stretcher the three men took him to the jumper.

Teyla stayed behind looking at the blood on the floor, she found it difficult to comprehend what had gone on, John had been shot and speared and hit in the head all while lying on the floor and it had all been caused by one of the ancients stupid inventions. They really had a lot to answer for; the only problem was that they were all dead. She wondered just how many other devices were out there for them to discover and more to the point how many times would John be hurt and injured by them, or even worse, one day they may find one that actually kills him.

She shuddered at the thought, as she turned and followed her friends out to the jumper.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson sat next to his friend in the jumper and he continued to take his vitals ever few minutes. "How much longer Evan?" He asked, feeling anxious, "his vitals are crashing again and if I don't get him back to Atlantis soon, his heart may stop."

"ETA two minutes Doc."

"Can you get me a connection to Atlantis please?"

Lorne pressed a few buttons and said, "Channel open Doc."

He felt frantic as he spoke, "Marie I need to OR set up as soon as possible and I need all hands on deck for the next few hours and I need you to pull six units of Colonel Sheppard's blood type. We'll be there in about two minutes."

"_I'll get right on it," Marie told him._

At that moment John tried roll on his side, Carson was about to stop John, when he started vomiting all over the floor. Carson rolled him to his side and then held him there until he was sure that he had finished. He looked down at the mess on the floor and noticed that there was blood mixed him with the vomit. "This is not good." He muttered.

A few minutes later they arrived in the jumper bay, he stood up watching the jumpers rear hatch open impatiently, once it had opened, John was loaded on to a gurney and the mad dash to the infirmary began. Carson had no idea how long it took them to get to the infirmary, but it wasn't soon enough for him.

"Let's get him prepped for surgery, get a scanner set up in the OR, because I know he has internal bleeding and I really need to know what is going on."

Carson took one last look at his patient and the team of professionals behind him working steadily, cutting away his clothes, attaching more IV's with blood and fluids and a heart monitor. He rushed to scrub up and he was ready to enter the OR at the same time as his patient was wheeled in. Sighing he followed them; he knew that it was going to be a long night.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth watched as the jumper came through the gate, once she was sure that it had landed, she headed to the infirmary. She hadn't heard anything; all she knew was that John was injured, so she needed to see what was happening quickly.

Arriving in the waiting room she found, Rodney and Ronan pacing, and Teyla was sitting with her usual serene look in a chair.

Elizabeth felt ready to explode with worry, "how is he, have you heard anything yet?"

Teyla answered her in her usual calm manner, but Elizabeth noticed her tear stained face and suspected that wasn't the case, "Carson has not told us anything, all I know is that he had lost a lot of blood by the time he got back to Atlantis."

She looked up at Rodney and Ronan who were still pacing, "Can you two please sit down, you're making me dizzy."

"Sorry," they both said at the same time and went to sit down.

Elizabeth looked at her friends with concern, before asking them, "What happened on that planet and why John was the only one who was affected?"

It was Rodney who answered and Elizabeth braced herself for one of Rodney's famous rants, "Well let's see, something scanned his DNA as soon as we arrived on the planet and whatever that was decided he was and ancient and he'd been sent there to prove that he was a worthy ancient. Whatever it was caused him to hallucinate and then he spent the next eight hours battling hallucinations in his head. The only problem is, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, they were able to injure him. I think that about covers it, if you need to ask any more questions, maybe you should ask Colonel Calamity. Oh, but hang on he could very well be dead by now." Rodney took a deep breath and sat down, covering his face with his hands.

Teyla sat next to him and put his arm around him and Ronan sat on the other side of him with his hand on his shoulder.

Elizabeth watched the three people interact and comfort each other, this was a very close knit group, a family and she knew that John Sheppard was part of that family. Closing her eyes she thought about what John meant to her, he was her second in command and a very close friend; she knew that she couldn't run Atlantis without him and that if anything happened to him she would never be the same again.

Looking back at the other people in the room she noticed that they hadn't moved an inch. She knew from past experience, that these people were suffering; she suspected they had watched the whole horrible scene play out in front of their eyes. She decided that she really wanted to do something for these people, so she stood up and did the only thing she knew might help at this point, "I'm heading for the mess hall. Would anyone like anything?"

"A cup of tea would be nice," Teyla asked.

"Coffee," Ronan grunted.

"I could use some food, so my hypoglycaemia doesn't act up," Rodney stated.

"I'll be back in a few minutes then," she told them heading out of the door. She took one last look back at her friends and noticed that they still hadn't moved.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson sighed as he threw his used scrubs in the bio hazard bin. It had been an extremely long night and they had lost John twice on the table, they had managed to get his heart started relatively easy both times and he was still breathing on his own.

He went and sat down in his office, as his staff wheeled John to the ICU. He wondered how much longer he could keep patching him up; if he was a cat with nine lives surely he'd used them up already.

He'd just spent ten hours in the OR trying to track down all the internal bleeding and he really wanted to go to sleep, but he knew that John's friends would be waiting to find out what was going on.

He stood to his feet and walked incredibly slowly to the waiting room. This was the part of the job he hated the most, talking to a patient's friends and family. The only problem was on this occasion he was a close personal friend of the man lying in the ICU. Thinking back to medical school he knew that they'd taught him to be detached, but out here in the Pegasus galaxy, when there was so few of them they'd learned to depend on each other, so it was impossible to keep that professional detachment.

Finally he reached his destination and entered the room only to find four faces staring up at him.

Elizabeth walked up to him and put her hand on his arm, "how is he Carson?"

"He's still in a critical condition, but he's stable for now."

"Can we see him Carson?" Teyla asked.

He nodded, "Aye you can all see him for a few minutes, but I only want one person at a time sitting with him. My medical staff will need to be able to get to him in an emergency. Do you understand?"

When they all nodded Carson lead them through the infirmary to the ICU, he left them at the door and went back to his office for a while, maybe he could catch a nap, before anything drastic went wrong. "I'll be in my office if you need me."

The group nodded and entered the room.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla was the first to enter and she headed straight for the chair next to the bed. Sitting down beside him she started to talk to him. "John we are all here for you, just rest and get better, we will be sitting here when you wake up.

Taking his hand she assessed his condition, he was lying on his side with a bandage to the back and front of his head, his broken wrist was in a cast and propped up on a pillow. The wound on his side was bandaged, he had two IV's one giving him blood and another giving him fluids, a nasal cannula was beneath his nose giving him much needed oxygen and he had a heart monitor attached, which showed John's heart was steadily beating away for the moment.

Teyla looked around at her friends and announced, "I will sit with him first."

She noticed that Rodney was about to argue and was thankful that Elizabeth and Ronan both pulled him towards the door.

"See you later Sheppard," Ronan mumbled.

"Be well," Elizabeth told him, while still holding Rodney's arm.

"I'll be back," Rodney said.

Teyla sat watching as Elizabeth and Ronan lead him of the room.

Teyla sat rubbing the back on John's hand and started singing an Athosian lullaby; it was one that her father had sung to her when she was young. She found it soothing especially at times when she was unwell.

She sat there singing to John and looking down at his beautiful face, he looked relaxed as he was sleeping, and Carson obviously had him on the good drugs. Suddenly he opened his eyes and his beautiful hazel eyes looked up at her for a moment, as quickly as they had opened they closed again.

**TBC…**

**Hopefully John is on the mend now.**


	9. Chapter 9: Nightmares

**Chapter 9: Nightmares**

John was coalescing in the dark. He didn't know why he kept ending up in this place all the time, but here he was. He struggled to listen for any sound in the silence which pervaded the darkness, firstly he didn't hear a thing, but then he heard it. It sounded like and angel singing to him and that got his attention. He saw a grey patch up ahead and decided to head towards it, but in doing so he felt pain permeate his entire body, the angelic singing became louder, so he knew that he must go on. Finally he managed to open his eyes and he saw the most beautiful face he'd ever seen staring down at him, he had just enough time for his muddled brain the register that it was Teyla, before his eyelids drooped and the darkness claimed him again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Suddenly he opened his eyes and his beautiful hazel eyes looked up at her for a moment, as quickly as they had opened they closed again._

Teyla was so excited by the fact that John had opened his eyes that she started to shout for Carson, "Carson, come quickly?"

A few moments later she watched as Carson came running in the room. "What's wrong, is Colonel Sheppard okay?"

She watched intently as Carson began to take John's vitals, he seemed to be in a mad rush and afraid of what he was going to find.

"Carson it is okay, he just opened his eyes for a few seconds and then he went back to sleep"

"Oh that's a relief, I thought that something had gone wrong by the way you were yelling?"

"Is he going to be okay Dr Beckett?"

"Yes lassie, I think so. His heart rate and blood pressure have returned to normal and his pulse is strong. He will be in quite a bit of pain for a while though."

"Thank you Carson, would it be okay if I stayed sitting with him for a while."

"Go ahead lassie and please let me know if he wakes up again, but maybe press the call button next time, I tend to panic if you shout."

Looking at Carson and nodding her head, she watched as he walked away, before sitting down next to her friend's bed again.

She sat down and held his hand and started singing the Athosian lullaby that she'd been singing before, she was really hoping that he would open his eyes like he had before.

He really had the most gorgeous hazel eyes, she had known that he had hazel eyes ever since she first met him, but she had never looked at them closely enough to realise how beautiful they were. She sighed and thought of the first time she had met him and he had flashed his crooked grin at her, she had felt an instant attraction to him at that moment, but hadn't acted on it, as they had just met. After Colonel Sumner had died and John had taken command of the military in Atlantis, she was asked to become a member of his team, so she never acted on her feelings for him. She suspected that he had feelings for her as well, but for similar reasons he had never acted on them either.

Now looking down at him, she realised how short life was and how many times she could have lost him in the last few years. Knowing this she made up her mind that when he was well again she would let him know how she felt and she hoped that he felt the same.

A short time later she was dosing on the edge of the bed, when it began to shake. Her first reaction was to feel afraid, but looking down at her friend she realised that he was the one shaking to bed, he was thrashing about and there was sweat dripping down his forehead and then all of a sudden he screamed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_John was on a cold dark wet planet that he had never seen before; there were trees all around him and the raging wind wasn't just whispering through the trees it was shouting all around him. He had no idea how he had arrived in this place, the last thing he remembered was being alone in the darkness. He shivered as he looked ahead of him, wondering if he should follow the path that was at his feet. Finally he decided that if he was to find out what was going on he would need to actually move his feet. Walking down the path in front of him, the moon came out from behind the clouds and began to cast and eerie glow across the wooded landscape. Up ahead he caught a glimpse of some ancient ruins. Although he knew that he should turn back, his feet just kept walking towards the ruins._

_Coming to a clearing in the woods he saw the hallucinations from the planet he'd just come from start popping up. Finally Daniel Smith appeared right in front of him and laughed in his face, "you don't think that you got rid of us that easily do you?" _

_Before he had a chance to respond Daniel raised his shot gun and pointed it straight at him and then he screamed._

He awoke with a start to find Teyla and Carson looking down at him, his face was dripping with sweat and he felt nauseous.

"Are you okay laddie?" Carson asked with a strange look on his face; at least he thought it looked strange.

He lay there attempting to swallow the bile that was rising to the back of his throat, he knew that if he vomited it would be very painful and he'd had enough pain to last a lifetime in the last few years. Being fed on by and Iratus bug, being turned into a bug and then being fed on by a Wraith, just to name a few, he was startled from his painful memories by Carson gently touching his shoulder and talking to him softly.

"Colonel Sheppard, are you okay?"

"Nightmare," was all he managed to say before his stomach rebelled and he vomited all over his sheets and gown. "Sorry," he croaked out as he managed to curl into a foetal position, but that wasn't such a good idea, as every pain in his entire body began to awaken. His head felt like someone was drilling a hole through it, his arm was on fire and his side felt as if it had been torn apart and then turned inside out. What was worse was the nausea hadn't left and before he had a chance to say anything he lost his remaining stomach contents all over the floor.

Feeling slightly embarrassed he looked up to find that Marie and another nurse named Sally had entered the room, all he could do was lie there with his eyes closed as Marie and Sally quickly took his dirty gown and sheets off and sponged him down. They were very quick and efficient about it, "Thanks," he said as they left the room. He was sure that his face was bright red by this time.

He knew that they'd given him sponge baths and cleaned him up before, but he was usually unconscious, so he didn't know what was going on. He heard Teyla speaking and looked into her eyes, he really hoped she hadn't been there when they were cleaning him up, that would be the most embarrassing thing ever.

She spoke to him again louder this time, "John, are you alright."

"I'm fine," he mumbled, knowing it was a lie. Looking into her big brown eyes, he still felt incredibly embarrassed, so he had to ask, "Ummm, Teyla you … didn't..."

She interrupted him before he had a chance to finish his question, "do not worry John, I left the room when the nurses were changing you."

Sighing with relief, he took her hand and closed his eyes, he wondered if Carson had put something in his IV, because he felt incredibly tired again, but in truth he didn't want to go back to sleep in case he had another nightmare, he fought it for a few minutes and then sleep finally took him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth sat at the head of the conference table looking at the people in front of her, Rodney, Teyla, Ronan and Carson. They all looked incredibly tired and she was worried that none of them were looking after themselves, because from past experience she knew that they would be spending every spare moment they could with John.

It had been two days since the team returned from the planet and this was the first time that she'd had to catch up with them all together.

Carson took that moment to walk in, she looked at her watch and realised that he was ten minutes late. "Sorry I'm late," he muttered before taking a seat.

She looked at the group seated before her and thought that maybe she should be quick with the meeting, so she got straight down to business.

"The reason I called you all here today, is we haven't really had a chance to debrief since you came back from the planet. Carson, why don't you go first, and fill us in on Colonel Sheppard's condition."

"Well physically he's healing well, but he seems to be having nightmares, so I would suggest that he sees Kate, before he returns to active duty. It will still be a few weeks before I can return him to active duty, but he may as well start seeing Kate now."

Elizabeth sighed, she knew what a closed book John was when it came to his emotions and although she agreed with Carson, she thought that she might leave it a few more days to see how things played out.

"I think we'll leave it a few more days Carson and just see how things play out."

"Okay, I guess it won't hurt to wait a few days, but my major concern is with all the nausea and vomiting he's been experiencing, we may have to put a feeding tube in before too long." Carson informed her.

"Thank you Carson, please keep me informed of his condition."

Carson nodded, "Aye lassie I can do that."

She turned and looked at Rodney, who was staring at a particular spot on the table. "Rodney what can you tell me about what happened to John?"

"All I know was his DNA was scanned when we arrived on the planet and that is what activated the program that he became trapped in. Apparently it was designed to test ancient's ability in battle, that's all I know at this stage. I haven't really had a chance to speak to Sheppard, because every time I go to sit with him he falls asleep.

"Well keep at it Dr McKay and ask Dr Zelenka to help you I want to know is there going to be any ongoing problems for John, because of this device."

"Yes Elizabeth, I'll get right back to it when this meeting is over," he stated. She suspected that his comment was dripping with sarcasm, due to the fact that he hadn't had any luck with the ancient data base to date.

She stood up and looked at her friends and a worried look crossed her face, "Now I want you to all go and have a meal and at least five hours sleep. I am about to do the same thing myself."

They all nodded and she watched as one by one they left the room, until Carson was the only one left. She sighed, sensing that Carson was about to disagree with her. "What can I do for you Carson?"

"I don't think I should leave Colonel Sheppard alone at the moment."

"You have other Doctors don't you?"

"Yes I do and Dr Keller is on duty tonight, she's one of the new Doctors that came back from earth with us and she is very good and I trust her to take good care of him, but I just don't want him to wake up to find that none of his friends are there. I think I'll sleep in my office to make sure I'm close by in case he needs me."

Smiling she nodded at him. She loved it how Carson cared for his patients, which was one of the things that made him such a great doctor.

"Goodnight Carson, let me know if there's any change?"

"Goodnight Elizabeth."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_John was on a cold dark wet planet that he had never seen before; there were trees all around him and the raging wind wasn't just whispering through the trees it was shouting all around him. He had no idea how he had arrived in this place, the last thing he remembered was being alone in the darkness. He shivered as he looked ahead of him, wondering if he should follow the path that was at his feet. Finally he decided that if he was to find out what was going on he would need to actually move his feet. Walking down the path in front of him, the moon came out from behind the clouds and began to cast and eerie glow across the wooded landscape. Up ahead he caught a glimpse of some ancient ruins. Although he knew that he should turn back, his feet just kept walking towards the ruins._

_Coming to a clearing in the woods he saw the hallucinations from the planet he'd just come from start popping up. Finally Daniel Smith appeared right in front of him and laughed in his face, "you don't think that you got rid of us that easily do you?" _

_Before he had a chance to respond Daniel raised his shot gun and pointed it straight at him and then he screamed. Only this time he didn't wake up. He looked past Daniel and saw that the other hallucinations had raised their weapons as well, he was frozen to the spot and couldn't move, he watched as Daniel pulled the trigger and then a second later he felt the hot molten ball of lead rip through his thigh, a second shot was fired and before he'd even hit the ground from the first shot, he felt the next bullet rip through his other thigh. He lay there looking up at the sky and the last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was the holograms coming closer._

**TBC…**

**Why can John still see the hallucinations I wonder?**


	10. Chapter 10: More problems

**Chapter 10: More problems.**

Rodney left the conference room and headed straight for his lab, there was absolutely no way he was going to sleep at a time like this. There was something about the device on that planet and he didn't like it, as Sheppard would say he felt his Spidey sense tingling. He was convinced that although it appeared to have been deactivated it wasn't the end of it and Sheppard was still in trouble.

He arrived in his lab to find that Zelenka was there looking down at his computer, "Hey Radek what are you doing?" He asked him feeling suspicious.

"Ahh Rodney, I'm researching the ancient data base to find more information on that device."

He felt indignant that Zelenka was working on his project, this was what he had been working on and he had to find the answer for Sheppard, because that was what he and Sheppard did, they saved each other's lives and they had done it time and time again over the last couple of years. Sheppard was his best friend, so wasn't it up to him to save the day?

Rodney stared at the little scientist, "how's that going for you?" He asked sarcastically.

"There's some very interesting information on the program they were running on the planet, but I haven't found anything of use yet."

"Well let's keep looking then Radek, I have a bad feeling that something is about to go very, very wrong."

"Yes Rodney I sense it too, now I'm going to make you a cup of coffee and then we should really get to work."

"Thanks Radek."

He sat there for a moment and watched his little friend make his coffee, he really was smart, but there was no way he was going to tell him that.

Sitting staring at his computer he realised that at this moment he had nothing and for the majority of the mission and the subsequent fallout, he'd had absolutely no idea what was going on, which was very disconcerting for him, because he usually had all the answers. He prided himself on being the answer man and if he were a superhero that would be his name; Answer man. Sheppard would probably be his sidekick and he could be Answerboy. He looked up from the computer smiling at the thought of running around in superhero costumes with his best friend. Finally he put his musings aside and focused on the page that he had just opened on his computer, he knew it was going to be a long night, so he told Radek to keep the coffee coming.

Half an hour after sitting down, he found what he was looking for and he knew that it wasn't good news for Sheppard.

He knew he had to let someone know straight away, so he tapped his earpiece, "McKay to Beckett, come in please."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson left the conference room and headed straight for the mess hall, he knew that he really needed something to eat before he went back to his office to sleep for the night. He knew that Dr Keller would look after his friend; for someone so young she was brilliant. He smiled thinking how young she was and how amazed he was the day she first walked into Stargate command for her interview; he certainly had his doubts, until she spoke and then he knew she was as brilliant as her resume had led him to believe.

Arriving at the mess hall he looked around for someone to share his meal with, spotting Teyla sitting over by one of the balconies, he chose some sandwiches and fruit from the serving table and headed over to join her. "Is this seat taken?"

Teyla looked up at him, "no please sit down Dr Beckett. How is John?"

"I just spoke to Dr Keller before I came here and he is doing well. I will head back to the infirmary when I've finished here though and keep an eye on him."

"Dr Beckett, surly Jennifer can keep an eye on him for a few hours while you sleep? She seems very competent."

"Yes she is Lassie, she's quite brilliant in fact, but I just want to be there in case he needs a friend when he wakes up."

Teyla sighed, "I actually had dinner with her a few times before this whole mess started and she seems quite lovely. She did tell me the one thing that terrifies her is that people will not take her seriously, because she is so young."

"Yes well I'd trust her with my life, so she has nothing to worry about."

Carson started to eat his sandwiches, as the conversation dried up. He really hoped that he wouldn't have to put her to the test tonight and that he could get a few hours' sleep, because he didn't think that he could cope with any emergencies at the moment either.

After about twenty minutes he decided that it was time to go. He wished Teyla goodnight and headed for the infirmary.

On arriving in the infirmary he headed in to see his most frequent patient Colonel Sheppard. He found Dr Keller there taking his vitals, "how is he Dr Keller?"

"I think he's probably having another nightmare, he seems restless and his vitals are all over the place. I'll keep an eye on him if you want to go and get some rest Dr Beckett."

"Thankyou Lassie and please call me Carson?"

"No problems Carson and please call me Jennifer?"

"Okay then Jennifer I'll, be in my office and please let me know if there are any problems?"

Carson left Jennifer sitting by John's bedside and he headed to his office for a nap. He didn't think there would be any problems, but he couldn't bear to leave his friend, he was just about to settle down when his ear piece activated,

"_McKay to Beckett, come in please."_

Carson sighed, as he sat down, what did Rodney want? He thought that he was supposed to be sleeping; he knew that he wanted to be.

"Yes Rodney what can I do for you?"

"_We have a big problem and Sheppard could still be in danger."_

He straightened his back in the chair and ran his fingers through his hair almost afraid to ask what Rodney meant.

"What do you mean Rodney?"

_When we arrived back on Atlantis, a lab that has recently been activated in the lower levels scanned his DNA. The problem Is the device is exactly the same as the one on the planet we just visited. To top it all off, I've discovered what this device was actually meant for. Apparently they didn't like half-blood ancients; it was designed to wipe them out._

"You've got to be kidding me."

"_No I'm not, apparently despite his strong gene, it has been decided that John is a half- blood and should be put to death."_

"Rodney you said that the device was used to test an ancient's courage?"

"_Yes well that was part of it, even if the unfortunate person survived the test of courage; they still didn't care for people who were not 100% ancient."_

"Can you shut it down Rodney?"

"_Yes I can, but it will take time, is there any way you can prevent Sheppard from being affected by the hallucinations?"_

"I guess I can try putting him in a medically induced coma, he shouldn't be aware of anything if I do."

"_Well I should get back to work, McKay out."_

"Yes well I'll guess I'd better get back to my patient then, Beckett out."

He stood up and headed back to the ICU to see how Sheppard was going, when he got there he was shocked by what he saw, Sheppard was thrashing about wildly in his bed and Jennifer was trying to keep him as still as possible, he went over and held John's head still to try and prevent him from hurting himself.

Jennifer looked at him with a worried expression, "Carson I was just about to call for you."

He continued to help Jennifer hold John down, when John yelled out in agony. He looked down and saw a hole appear in his leg. John yelled again and Carson looked down in time to see another hole appear in his other leg. Both of his legs started bleeding heavily and he knew that he had to do something fast.

"What is going on?" Jennifer asked the fear evident in her eyes.

Carson looked at her feeling terrified himself, "It's a long story and I'll fill you in later, but right now we need to get him into surgery and after we've dealt with these wounds I want to put him in a medically induced coma. Dr Keller, will you prep the patient and prepare the OR, I'll call the staff that are on duty tonight and scrub up."

Marie came rushing into the infirmary at that moment followed by Nurse Sally. Carson spoke to Marie directly, "Marie help Dr Keller, do whatever she asks you to do?"

Marie nodded and Carson left the room, he took a few moments to contact Elizabeth and let her know what was going on, before he went to call in his staff and scrub up.

Ten minutes later he was walking into the OR behind his patient, he wondered how long it would take to patch Colonel Sheppard up this time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth wandered into the mess hall, she knew that she was hungry and needed some sleep, but she wasn't really sure how much she would eat or sleep. She was still worried about John. Although he seemed to be holding his own for now, she was still worried that something else would go wrong. Looking around the mess hall she spied Teyla and Ronan sitting at a table that overlooked the ocean. Grabbing a tray of food she walked over to join them.

"I'm glad to see that everyone is getting something to eat," she commented, "Where Are Drs' Beckett and McKay?"

"I believe that Carson went to his office to get some rest and I have no idea where Rodney has gone."

Elizabeth looked at Ronan, who hadn't said much and appeared to be staring in to space, "how are you feeling Ronan," she asked with concern.

"I'm good," he mumbled.

Elizabeth looked at him and thought about saying something else, but she knew that Ronan was a man of few words and from past experience she knew that he would be worried about his friend and brother.

Elizabeth was about to say something else when her com activated. She tapped her earpiece and found Carson on the other end.

"Go ahead Carson?"

"_It appears that Colonel Sheppard has been shot in the legs, were taking him into surgery now. Can you let the rest of his team know what is going on please? Beckett out."_

"I'll let them know and head down to the infirmary, Elizabeth out."

She tapped her earpiece again to break the connection, looking around she noticed that Teyla and Ronan were staring at her. She really needed to let them know what was going on. "It appears that John has been shot in the legs and Carson is taking him into surgery as we speak."

"We have to get down there," Ronan grumbled, jumping to his feet and leaving the room.

"I Have to agree with you," Elizabeth stated walking out of the room, with Teyla following.

As she was heading to the mess hall Elizabeth activated her com. "Weir to McKay, come in please."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Five hours late Carson came out of the OR again. Five hours that's how long it took him and his team to put the Colonel back together this time. He was dog tired and he couldn't remember the last time he had a good eight hours sleep. He knew that it wouldn't be tonight, because he knew he would have to keep an eye on his patient again.

He barely registered when Jennifer spoke to him, "Carson do you want me to get Colonel Sheppard settled in the ICU, so you can let Colonel Sheppard's team know what's going on?"

"Aye lass, I'll go and give them the news, I wish it were better news."

He sighed and headed towards the waiting room for the second time in as many days.

Entering the room he found three anxious faces looking up at him from various positions around the room.

Teyla was the first to speak, "how is he Doctor Beckett?"

"Well he now has two additional gunshot wounds, one to each thigh and although his other wounds are beginning to heal, this will cause quite a setback."

"Carson what's going on, how can he get shot in the infirmary?" Elizabeth looked at him, with a looked he could only describe as total bewilderment.

Carson looked at Rodney wondering whether he was going to offer an explanation or not. When it appeared that he wasn't he spoke instead, "Rodney can explain it to you; apparently a device has been activated on Atlantis, causing the hallucinations to start haunting the Colonel again."

"I want a full debriefing after we have finished here." Elizabeth suggested.

When they all nodded Carson spoke again, "You can all see him for a few minutes, but I must warn you, although we've put him in a medically induced coma, his eyes are open and he's staring into space and I've no idea whether the hallucinations are still affecting him or not."

**TBC…**


	11. Chapter 11: What is this place?

**Disclaimer: I am not a medical healthcare professional and although I have tried to research medical terms, I may not be one hundred percent accurate.**

**Chapter 11: What is this place?**

John was on a strange planet again, it was different to the last planet he had been on, because there was ice and snow, as far as the eye could see. All he could see was a white desolate landscape. There was no sun and the sky was as white as the world around him. It was kind of beautiful in an eerie sort of way. The funny thing was, as far as he knew he still had his BDU's on, which was weird, because normally he would wear cold weather gear in the snow.

All he could do was lay there and stare at the strange figures surrounding him, he had no idea who they were and why they were pointing weapons at him. He felt incredibly sluggish, it was almost like someone was holding his limbs down to the point he couldn't move. The strange figures were standing over him, but they weren't doing anything. They appeared to be frozen and not because of the ice and snow.

His fuzzy brain was making it difficult to focus on the icy white wasteland, he wondered if he was back in Antarctica, but if he was how did he get there? But then he knew that it wasn't Antarctica, because there was only a flat lifeless plain from horizon to horizon.

Lying in the strange icy cold place where nothing was happening, he had a vague recollection of being shot, stabbed, concussed and shot again. He tried to speak wondering if he should ask the people around him for some answers, but when he opened his mouth no sound came out. He closed his mouth and looked at the figures above him and all he saw was dull lifeless eyes staring down at him, he wondered if he actually knew these people, was he at war with them? His mind began to shut down and he could hardly focus any longer. He hoped that the darkness would claim him soon, because surely it had to be better than this desolate view?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla entered the ICU with Rodney, Elizabeth and Ronan following behind her. She was shocked by what she saw, his usually vibrant hazel eyes were dull and lifeless and his mouth was open with drool running down his chin.

Rodney was the first to speak and Teyla could read the worry in his eyes, "he looks like a vegetable, can't you do something for him Carson?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do anything else. All I can do is try and make him as comfortable as possible."

"Well I guess I better get back to my lab then and see if I can do something from there."

"I'm going to hit something," Ronan muttered and left the room.

"Be well John," Elizabeth said as she patted him on the shoulder.

Elizabeth can we not debrief until morning please, I'm very tired and I'd like to sit with John for a while before I go to sleep." Teyla asked.

"That's fine Teyla; make sure you get some sleep, because I'm heading straight to bed now."

"Goodnight Elizabeth."

"Goodnight Teyla."

Teyla watched Rodney, Elizabeth and Ronan leave, then sat down next to her friend and grabbed his hand, it was icy cold, "Carson why is his hand so cold?"

"I'm sorry lass, but he's bordering on bradycardia or a slow heart rate and he's in a medically induced coma. The only thing we can do now is to continue to monitor his vitals and hope that Rodney comes up with a solution soon."

"Thank you Carson, may I sit with him for a while."

"How about you curl up on the bed beside him and try and get some sleep, I'm going to do the same in my office."

"I think I might. Thank you again Carson and goodnight."

"I'll be in my office trying to have a sleep, but if you need anything Dr Keller is on duty tonight."

She watched as Carson left and then climbed on to the bed next to John, closing her eyes she thought that she might like to get some sleep. A few minutes later her eyes opened again when Dr Keller came into the room to check John's Vitals.

"How are you this evening Jennifer?"

"Well Teyla. It's been another crazy mixed up day in the Pegasus galaxy; I'm not really sure what to think."

Teyla smiled at her new friend, for her this kind of thing happened far too often and it was more often than not that John wound up injured and in the infirmary.

"Unfortunately this kind of thing is common place in the Pegasus Galaxy and John seems to bear the brunt of many unfortunate situations."

"I kind of get the idea."

Teyla lay down again, before she spoke, "Well I think that I'm going to get some sleep. Goodnight Jennifer."

"Goodnight Teyla, I'll be in the med lab if you need anything."

Teyla watched Jennifer leave and then curled up on the bed and closed her eyes and very soon overcame her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was still trapped in his own personal nightmare. Lying in the desolate white waste land, nothing had changed and the strange people hadn't moved any closer to him. He still couldn't move and he felt his limbs growing heavier than they already were, his chest was becoming heavier and it was more difficult to breathe and then he started to feel incredibly cold, he was surprised that he hadn't really noticed the cold before now, he started to shiver and then he started to shake uncontrollably, the strange figures still stared at him with dull lifeless eyes and didn't move and inch, he lay there hoping that the darkness would claim him this time, but still it didn't come.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla was awoken from her sleep by the sound of someone puffing and panting as if they'd run a marathon. She looked over to John's bed and saw that he was shivering and trying to take in deep breaths. She covered the distance to his bed and started pressing the call button, as his monitors began to wail.

Just as she was about to call for Jennifer, she came running in with Carson in tow.

Teyla stood back and watched on horrified as the Doctors crowded round him and began to check his vitas.

"Let's get an oxygen mask on him?" Carson suggested, as Jennifer took his temperature.

"Carson his temperature is down to 89 degrees and his heart rate is down to 55 beats per minute."

Carson began to bark orders, "give 1mg of atropine and we'll see if that helps, get me some nice warm blankets, as we'll need to try and get his temperature up."

Teyla was frozen to the spot watching the scene unfolding in front of her, she had no idea what was going on and she was afraid that she would never get to tell John how she felt about him, because things just seemed to go from bad to worse for him.

She looked up when she realised that Jennifer was talking to her, "you'll have to leave now Teyla? Don't worry we'll do all we can for him."

She nodded and left the room. Taking one last look, all she could see was the Doctors crowded around John and talking to each other quietly.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth practically ran down the hall towards the infirmary, Teyla had contacted her to say that there was a problem with John and that the Doctors were in with him now.

She entered the waiting room to find Rodney and Ronan pacing and Teyla sitting in a chair with her eyes closed.

She went and sat down on a chair next to Teyla and put a hand on her arm, "what happened, Teyla?"

"I do not know, I woke up and he seemed to be having trouble breathing and then he started shivering. That is all I know, because Jennifer asked me to leave the room."

She looked at Teyla and noticed her tear stained face. Out of all of then she suspected that this whole situation would have hit Teyla the hardest. Although John and Teyla wouldn't admit it, she suspected that their feelings for each other ran deeper than just friendship. She really hoped that they would have a chance to explore those feelings at some stage in the future.

She looked up as Carson came into the room, "Carson, what is going on? How is John?"

"Well we've managed to get his heartrate up to over 60 beats per minute and his pulse is strong. We've put him on Oxygen and his breathing seems to have improved and evened out a little. The only problem now is for some strange reason he's suffering from hypothermia. We've managed to get his temperature up to 92 though."

Elizabeth watched, as Rodney stopped his pacing and stood in front of Carson and began to rant. "What is going on how, can he be suffering from hypothermia, have you turned the air conditioning up in the infirmary?"

"I don't know Rodney; it must have something to do with that dam device, because as far as I can tell, he's still in a medically induced coma."

Elizabeth stood up and went to stand in between the two men. The last thing she needed now was an argument.

"Rodney, have you managed to find out anything else about the program? The last I heard was that it was designed to eliminate half-blood ancients."

"Yes well apparently the program's purpose was twofold, number one; it was designed to test an ancient in battle and number two, for those who survived the battle their DNA was scanned when they arrived back on Atlantis, just to make sure that they were one hundred percent Ancient. Apparently despite Sheppard's strong gene the program still sees him as a half-blood and it thinks that he needs to be eliminated."

"Can you shut the program down?" Elizabeth asked the man, before he had a chance to go into another rant.

"Zelenka and I have discovered the lab that the program is running from and we are trying to find a way to shut it down remotely, so that we don't have to enter the lab. Who knows what kind of booby traps they may have in there."

"Well I suggest you get back to it then Dr McKay." Elizabeth instructed him.

He nodded and left the room.

"I'm going to sit with him," Ronan and Teyla said at the same time.

"Aye, off you go, but make sure you don't get in the way if my staff need to treat him." Carson told them.

Elizabeth watched as Ronan and Teyla left the room, leaving just her and Carson in the room. She approached the Doctor and asked him a few questions of her own.

"How are you feeling Carson? Did you manage to have a rest?"

Don't worry about me Elizabeth I managed to get a few hours' sleep and I will be trying to get a few more now that the Colonel's vitals are a bit better."

"Okay, make sure you do and keep me informed."

"Aye I will do."

Elizabeth sighed, as she watched him leave the room. Things were not looking too good for her military commander and she knew that she couldn't run Atlantis without him. Offering up a quit prayer to anyone who would listen, she left the room and headed back to her quarters for another sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Suddenly the landscape changed before his eyes and John found himself lying in a desert. There was coarse red sand as far as the eye could see and the two suns were high in the pale pink sky. The only features on the desolate landscape were a few rocks and dead trees scattered across the barren plain. It felt as if he was on Mars; but it couldn't be, because Mars only had one pale cold sun and it was incredibly cold on that particular planet.

Looking over he noticed that the strange figures were still there and staring at him with dull lifeless eyes and they still had their weapons pointed at him. He couldn't move, his limbs still felt like lead and he was still having trouble breathing.

The worst thing about the situation though, was that he was hotter than he had ever felt before, he felt as if he was burning from the inside out, there was sweat dripping off his body and already his skin was starting to turn red from the heat of the two suns. He tried to close his eyes hoping that darkness would claim him this time, but it still didn't come.

**TBC…**


	12. Chapter 12:Searching for an answer

**Chapter 12: Searching for an answer.**

Rodney left the infirmary and headed straight to his lab again. He had no idea how long it had been since he'd slept, but he thought that at some point he'd full asleep at his computer and that would be good enough for now. Poor Sheppard wasn't looking too good and he knew that he had to do something fast otherwise his friend could be a vegetable for ever. He shuddered at the thought. He swore that he would do everything in his power to put things right.

It was his fault that this had happened. John had never wanted to go to the ruins in the first place; in fact John had insisted on sending another team along with him, but he had begged a pleaded for his friend to go and finally John has said yes, on the condition that Teyla and Ronan go with them.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice when he came to his lab, so he just continued walking until he walked into the door. Looking up he realised what was going on and waved his hand over the sensor and then the door slid open. He walked over to his computer and sat down. He never even realised that there was someone else in the room with him until Zelenka spoke.

"How is Colonel Sheppard Rodney?" Zelenka asked looking up from his computer

"He's not good, Carson has him in a medically induced coma, but he's just lying with his eyes wide open and drool running down his chin and we have no idea what's going on in his head. Carson says that his brain wave patterns are consistent with someone who's in a coma, but he's never come across anything like this before, so basically he has no idea."

"You'll find something Rodney you always do?"

"Thank you Radek and I know I don't say it often enough, but you're a good friend."

"You're welcome Rodney."

Rodney looked back at his computer again and he noticed that things were really beginning to become blurry; he wondered when the last time he ate was? He really needed to get something to eat, but he really wanted to stay and continuing working. His thoughts were interrupted by Zelenka again.

"Rodney, do you have any idea why you weren't affected by the program?"

"Not really, the only thing I can think of is that my gene is artificial and not strong enough to be detected. I guess we'll never know."

He watched as Radek stood up from his desk and started to head out of the door. "Where are you going Radek, we still have a lot of work to do."

"I'm going to get us some sandwiches. Would you like any?"

"Thanks Radek, I was just thinking I need some food."

Once Radek had left the room Rodney settled down at his computer to work again. He knew that he had to come up with a solution fast, but he feared it wouldn't be fast enough.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carson was in sitting next to his most frequent patient again. He'd sent Teyla and Ronan of an hour before to go and get some sleep in her quarters. He was happy that the Colonel's temperature was back up to 98 degrees again, but worried that the wound in his arm seemed to be infected. Jennifer had started him on a course of antibiotics, before he had woken up from his nap, so he was really hoping that his temperature didn't rise anymore.

Looking at his watch he realised that it was time to take Colonel Sheppard's vitals again, he took his pule and heart rate and was happy to see that they were within a normal range. He adjusted the nasal cannula under his nose and adjusted the oxygen flow. He was shocked when he took his temperature to find that it was up to 102, it had risen 4 degrees in the last hour. Knowing what he had to do he pressed the call button and called for one of his nurses.

When Sally had run into the room, he started giving orders, "Sally luv, can you get some cooling blankets for Colonel Sheppard? I'd like you to start sponging him down, Teyla should be back soon, so you can ask her to help, I'd like his temperature checked ever fifteen minutes as well?"

"Yes Doctor Beckett?"

"I'll be in my office if you need any help."

Carson left the room and headed to his office, he knew he had to do something quick, but he wasn't sure what. Maybe he needed to contact Rodney again and see if he'd found anything as yet.

He'd just reached his office when a call came in from Rodney. He tapped his earpiece.

"Aye Rodney, have you found anything?"

"_Yes I have found a way to shut the program down; the only problem is that the program has several encryption codes to break before I can turn it off."_

"Well I suggest you hurry up, because I don't know how much more Colonel Sheppard can take, he's gone from hypothermia to a fever all in the space of two hours. His temperature has risen 11 degrees."

"_Okay Carson, I'll get right on it, McKay out,"_

"Keep me informed, Beckett out."

Carson sighed and sat down to do some of the mountain of paperwork at his desk. It was a good job that Colonel Sheppard was a strong stubborn man, or he would have lost the battle with the ancient program already. He wondered why none of the other ATA carriers, including him had been affected, when the device activated on the base. He knew that was a question he would have to ask Rodney when this whole mess was over.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was still lying in the dry dusty desert and he still felt no pain, despite the fact that his skin was bright red and beginning to blister thanks to the two alien suns, which were beating down on him. The suns hadn't moved their position in the sky and the temperature hadn't changed.

His limbs still felt heavy, but the good news was that his breathing was a little easier. He looked over at the strange figures and they hadn't moved either, they still had their weapons pointed at him and they were still staring at him with their dull lifeless eyes.

He wondered if he would ever leave this place, or whether he would go back to the cold empty place that he had been in before, but most of all he wondered if the strange figures would ever stop staring at him and disappear, trying to close his eyes he hoped that the darkness would come this time, but still it wouldn't come. As he lay there he felt his muscles begin to twitch, next he felt an incredible pain shoot through his body, as his muscles began to cramp up and then they started to convulse. He prayed that the darkness would take him this time and he wouldn't wake up, eventually his muscles stopped convulsing, but still the darkness wouldn't come.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla entered the infirmary after a refreshing two hour nap and found nurse sally in the ICU sponging John down.

She rushed over to Sally's side and asked with worry in her voice, "what's happening to him?"

"He has and infection in the wound on his arm and his is temperature has shot up over the last couple of hours and I've been trying to get it down. It's up to 105 and it still seems to be rising. I really need to get Dr Beckett, can you sponge him down for me."

Teyla took the cloth and started sponging him down, running the cloth over his chest, she thought about how many times she'd wanted to do this, but not like this. She really needed to have a talk with him when he recovered from this incident.

She was startled back to her surroundings when Carson came rushing in, "has anyone taking his temperature in the last fifteen minutes and what happening to his skin, it's looking all red a blistered?"

Sally answered him, "I was just about to take it again, but when I took it fifteen minutes ago it was up to 105 and I have no idea what is happening to his skin."

Carson took the thermometer of her and took it again, "It's up to 106.5, I want you to arrange a cooling bath for him, if we don't get his temperature down soon he may start having seizures."

Teyla watched in terror as blisters started to appear all over his body. She barley heard Carson tell sally to go and run a cooling bath for him. All of a sudden, his muscles began to twitch and then convulse. She watched on in horror as he started thrashing about in the bed. Leaning over him she tried to hold his arms still as sally tried to hold his head still and Carson grabbed his legs.

Jennifer came rushing in the room and Carson started yelling instructions, "give him 20mls of Lorazepam." Jennifer didn't waste any time in injecting the anticonvulsant in to his IV. Teyla watched holding her breath, as John slowly stopped seizing. Eventually the convulsions stopped and John was still again, but his eyes were still open and staring vacantly into space.

"How's his temperature Jennifer?" Carson asked.

"It's up to 107."

"Let's get him into a cooling bath as soon as possible, don't worry too much about getting his injuries wet, we'll deal with that later." Carson instructed.

As Teyla stood and watched as John was wheeled away, she felt tears brimming in her eyes. Deciding that she wasn't going anywhere she climbed up on the spare bed in the ICU and let the tears fall.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was still lying in the desert and it was still just as hot as it had ever been; if not hotter. His limbs still felt like lead and the strange figures or hallucinations; as his muddled brain had started calling them, were still staring at him with vacant eyes and they hadn't even bothered to lower their weapons as yet. This was the weirdest thing that he had ever seen and he wondered if it would ever end and if so, when would it ever end. He knew that he had friends looking out for him, but he couldn't remember who they were or where he knew them from. The only thing he knew at the moment was the constant heat of the dry arid desert world that he was on.

Suddenly he felt cool again and the world around him started to change into the cold vast wasteland that he had been in earlier, he had no idea how long it had been since he had been here, but it was a welcome relief from the scorching heat that he had just experienced. This time he took comfort in the white world, as it reminded him of Antarctica, which was a favourite place of his.

Looking around he noticed that the hallucinations were still there staring at him blankly and their weapons were still pointed at him. He wondered if he would die here, he waited again for the darkness to claim him, but it still didn't come.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rodney awoke to someone shaking his shoulders. Where was he, why was his pillow so hard and why was he drooling? The shaking persisted, so he decided that it was probably time to open his eyes and find out what was going on. He slowly opened his eyes and found out that he was asleep with his head resting on his computer keyboard. Looking around he found Radek looking down at him.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About forty minutes."

"Well why did you wake me, I could have done with a little longer?"

"Well Rodney, you told me to wake you if I had any success with the encryption codes and I have found a way to break them and then switch the program off, but I thought that you might want to do the honours."

"How long do you think it will take Radek?"

"It should take no more than an hour."

"Well in that case I'll let Carson know and get to work." Rodney suggested as he tapped his earpiece,

"McKay to Beckett, we've found a way to shut down the system, give me and hour and it should be done."

**TBC…**


	13. Chapter 13: Finally an answer

**Chapter 13: Finally an answer.**

Carson sighed; he had just settled John back into his bed when Rodney's call came through.

He tapped his earpiece to answer, "What can I do for you Rodney?"

"_We've found a way to shut down the system, give me and hour and it should be done."_

"Can you let me know when you've broken through the encryption code and are about to shut the program down, because I'd like to be on hand to monitor Colonel Sheppard's vitals while you do it. His temperature is all over the place at the moment, so I really hope that shutting the program down, won't cause any other problems."

"_Okay I will do, McKay out."_

"Just let me know as soon as you're ready, Carson out."

He looked down at his patient, who seemed comfortable for the moment. His temperature was down to 95 degrees; a little low, but okay for the moment. John's temperature had risen to 107.5 and he'd had another seizure, before they had a chance to get him into a cool bath. It had taken nearly two hours in the bath to get his temperature down under 100 degrees, the only problem now was that it seemed to be dropping further. Because of the problems with John's temperature, Carson and Jennifer had decided that a member of the medical staff should sit with him at all times. Rodney, Ronan, Teyla and Elizabeth were still allowed to visit, but only one at a time.

Carson along with Jennifer's help had dried and redressed John's wounds, before returning him to the ICU. They were still pumping him full of antibiotics, because the wound in his arm was still infected. It certainly looked better than it had done though.

Carson looked over to see that Teyla was just beginning to wake up. She'd curled up on the spare bed a couple of hours earlier and Carson didn't have the heart to wake her, so he just let her sleep for as long as she needed it.

"How is he Carson?"

"He had another seizure on the way to the cooling bath, but we have managed to get his temperature under 100 degrees. The only problem now is that it is still dropping slowly."

"Has Rodney found out how to shut down the program as yet?"

"Well that's the only piece of good news I have at the moment. It should be shut down in another hour. Hopefully when he shuts it down it won't cause any problems for Colonel Sheppard."

"Can I sit with him Carson?"

"Aye lassie, but Jennifer or myself will be sitting with him at all times, until his vitals even out."

Teyla nodded and went around sitting on John's other side and held his hand. Carson watched her, trying to judge how she was holding up, with everything that had been going on with John. He couldn't really read her that well, because most of the time she looked calm and serene.

"How are you holding up lassie, this can't have been easy for you?"

Carson saw tears brimming in her eyes as she answered him, "the hardest part has been, seeing those usually vibrant hazel eyes totally empty. I will admit that I care for John more than just a friend who cares for another friend. The only problem is I have never let him know and I really hope I get a chance, even if he does not feel the same way about me."

Carson smiled at the young Athosian. "I assure you he feels exactly the same way about you."

"How do you know Carson, has he said something to you?"

"No Lassie, but I've seen the way he looks at you, he definitely cares for you a great deal, but he doesn't know what to say to you. He's a stubborn man who doesn't know how to express his feelings, so I would suggest that you need to make the first move."

"It is not normally the way of my people for a woman to show interest in a man or to initiate the first move to begin a relationship, but maybe I shall try when he wakes up."

He was about to respond when his com activated. He tapped his earpiece and spoke, "its Carson here, what can I do for you Rodney?"

"_Radek and I have managed to break through the encryption codes and are ready to shut the program down."_

"Go ahead Rodney I'm sitting with Colonel Sheppard now."

"_I'm shutting down the program, now."_

"Let me know when it's done?"

Carson sat next to John, while Teyla sat on the other side holding his hand. Suddenly his muscles started to twitch and shake. Carson beginning to get worried when after a couple of minutes they stopped and then John suddenly let out a deep throaty scream and sat up in bed gasping for air. Carson had just started to adjust the oxygen flow, when John fell back into bed and went limp. Looking down at his face Carson realised that finally his eyes had closed and his breathing had evened out.

Carson quickly checked John's vitals and was happy to see that they were all with in normal range. He sat down next to John's bed and took a deep breath; he certainly hoped that was the end of it and his patient would get a chance to start healing.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was still lying in the world of white and he knew that he'd probably never leave. He wondered why he was here and what he had done to deserve this. All he had ever done was tried to protect his friends and family, but he couldn't remember who they were and who or what he was protecting them from. His limbs still felt like lead, but luckily he had no problems breathing. The hallucinations were still staring blankly at him, as well as pointing their weapons. What the hell was going on? He wished he knew then maybe he could do something about it. He was sure that one of his friends would be doing something about it, or were they just his imaginary friends. I guess I'll never know, he thought.

All of a sudden he felt incredibly cold and he felt his muscles start the twitch and tremble, then he saw the hallucinations start to move towards him, with their weapons still raised. Finally he found that he was able to open his mouth and he screamed. As they drew nearer, he found himself panicking, because he still couldn't move, so he started to gasp for air. Then suddenly, just before the hallucinations could attack, they started to vanish one by one and then the darkness that he kept hoping for finally claimed him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson sat and watched his friend for a few moments just to make sure that he was okay, he barely noticed it when his com activated.

"_McKay to Beckett, come in please?"_

"Aye Rodney I'm here, did you switch of the program?"

"_I certainly did, how's Sheppard?"_

"His vitals all seem to be stable and his eyes are closed, his brain patterns are consistent with someone who's in a medically induced coma."

"_That's great; I'll be down there in a moment to see him."_

"Aye you can come and see him, but don't stay too long, he still needs his rest."

"_I'll see you in a minute, McKay out."_

"See you soon, Beckett out."

Carson looked around and found Teyla staring at him, "is there a problem Lassie? He asked her gently.

"How long will you keep him in a coma?"

"I'll stop the sedation now and hopefully he should wake up within the next twelve hours or so."

"May I stay here with him Carson?"

"Aye lassie, I think he'll need a friendly face when he wakes up. I'll be in my office if you need me"

Carson watched at Teyla climbed on the bed next to Johns and then he left the ICU heading for his office, where he might finally be able to get some decent sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth awoke to the sound of a strange crackle coming from the side of her bed, looking around to see what was happening, she spied her clock and saw that is was 3:00. After a few more minutes, she realised that someone was trying to contact her via her radio; she wondered who would be trying to contact her at this time of the morning. She put in on her head and tapped the earpiece, ""Elizabeth here."

"_Elizabeth it's Carson here, we have finally managed to shut down the device and John seems to be okay, he's still in a medically induced coma, but he should wake up in the next twelve hours or so."_

"Okay, I'm on my way to the infirmary now, Elizabeth out."

"_I'll see you in a few minutes, Carson out."_

She thought how lucky it was that she had fallen asleep in her clothes, so it was really no problem for her to get up and head straight to the infirmary.

Heading down the hall on the way to the infirmary she found, Rodney and Ronan heading in the same direction. She smiled at Rodney and spoke to him, "I understand that you finally shut the program down with Radek's help"

"I certainly did and yes Radek helped a little bit."

Elizabeth tried hiding the smirk on her face at Rodney's comment, looking at Ronan she saw that he was trying to do the same.

Upon entering the infirmary Elizabeth headed for the ICU, with Rodney and Ronan following behind. Heading towards the door she saw that Carson had just left, he put his finger up to his mouth "Shh" he whispered, to them looking through the window.

Elizabeth walked up to the window and saw Teyla sitting with John holding his hand, but what surprised her was that Teyla was singing to him and it was the most sweet angelic song she had ever heard.

Looking at her friends, she suggested. "Come let's leave these two alone we can come back later and see John."

Elizabeth sighed when Rodney started to complain, "why does she get to see him and we don't we're part of his team and his best friends. No I'm going in to see him I don't care what anyone says."

"You know for a genius you really are an idiot." Ronan growled at him.

"Why are you insulting my intelligence Conan?"

Elizabeth laughed as she provided Rodney an answer, "you mean you have no idea that Teyla and John have feelings other than friendship for each other."

"Ohhh" He replied, looking embarrassed.

"Okay lets go and leave these two love birds alone for a while," Carson suggested and started ushering Rodney and Ronan away from the ICU.

Elizabeth took one last look through the window, before following them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Once Carson had left Teyla climbed of the bed and headed over to sit beside John and hold his hand, before she did that she leant down and kissed him on the cheek. She wanted to kiss him on his full lips, but thought she'd wait until he woke up to do that.

Sitting down and stroking the back of his hand she started to talk to him soothingly, "John you have to get well, I really need to talk to you about the way I feel about you. If I don't do it now I may never do it. I really hope you feel the same way about me, otherwise I will feel completely embarrassed. John I love you and I have loved you ever since I first met you. Please come back to me?"

The only thing she could think of to do after her confession was to start singing to him, so she started singing the Athosian lullaby to him, which she had sung to him a few days ago.

After a few minutes of singing to him, she felt his hand twitch and looking down she saw his beautiful hazel eyes staring up at her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was floating on a sea of darkness. This was different to the last two places that he had been, for one thing he could move. He could also feel dull throbbing pain throughout most of his body; his head, side and thighs were the worst.

He wondered whether this was a place that he should stay. Despite the dull pain, it was peaceful and there was no one looking at him, but there was that lovely angelic singing, he was hearing and he was sure that he had heard it before he just couldn't remember where. Then something or someone touched his hand and it was the most beautiful soft silky thing he had ever felt. He had to know what that was, ever so slowly he opened his eyes and what he saw was the most beautiful face he had ever seen and it took him a while to remember who she was, but finally he remembered that it was Teyla and he loved her.

**TBC…**

**Sorry I had to broach one of my favourite unexplored themes from the show. John and Teyla, as a couple.**


	14. Chapter 14: On the road to recovery

**Chapter 14: On the road to recovery.**

_He wondered whether this was a place that he should stay. Despite the dull pain, it was peaceful and there was no one looking at him, but there was that lovely angelic singing, he was hearing and he was sure that he had heard it before he just couldn't remember where. Then something or someone touched his hand and it was the most beautiful soft silky thing he had ever felt. He had to know what that was, ever so slowly he opened his eyes and what he saw was the most beautiful face he had ever seen and it took him a while to remember who she was, but finally he remembered that it was Teyla and he loved her._

"Teyla." John managed to whisper through the pain that had awoken throughout his entire body.

"John it is good to see that you are awake, I will go and get Doctor Beckett. He asked me to let him know when you awoke."

He nodded and watched as she left the room. Now was a good time to assess his situation. He noticed a cast on his left wrist, so that was obviously broken, looking at his right arm he noticed that there was a bandage on that, looking down he noticed that both of his legs were slightly elevated and heavily bandaged and his head was pounding. Using his hand he felt a nasal cannula under his nose and there was also a feeding tube. Next he checked under his sheet for the dreaded catheter and sure enough it was there.

What the hell happened to him? Why had he ended up in the infirmary this time and how long would he have to be here? He had no idea and he didn't like it. At least he remembered he was in the infirmary on Atlantis. That was something. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud booming Scottish voice; "how are you son?" He wished that the man could speak more quietly.

"I'm fine, but can you please be quiet, as my head hurts."

"Sorry son, what do you remember?"

He felt totally confused, so he tried to answer the question the best he could under the circumstances, "I remember going to look at some ancient ruins with Rodney and my team. We walked through the stargate into the middle of a storm and then I saw some strange figures that no one else saw and after that I remember nothing."

"Do you remember who I am or what about this lovely lady do you know who she is?"

"Yes you're Dr Carson Beckett and this lovely lady is Teyla Emmagan, the love of my life."

John stared straight at Teyla and noticed that she had gone totally red. He held her hand tight and started to stoke the back of it. There was so much he wanted to say to this woman and now was the time to do it. His thoughts were interrupted by Carson again.

"The mission to explore the planet was over a week ago now. I don't know whether it is a good thing that you don't remember anything or not, but usually in cases like this the memories will return eventually."

"So I've been unconscious for over a week Doc?"

"Well not exactly you were in a coma for three days and you did regain consciousness for a brief period before that."

John felt confused, as the pain started to notch up a bit, "Doc I don't understand?"

"I'm sure it will come back to you, how's the pain lad?"

"It's beginning to notch up a level or two Doc have you got something for it."

"Aye Laddie, I'll get you something for it. I'll be back in a minute."

John watched as Carson left the room and then he turned to look at the beautiful woman sitting next to him holding his hand. "I guess that I should have told you a long time ago how I feel about you, but you know that I'm not very good at expressing my emotions."

"It is okay John I feel exactly the same way about you, but we must wait until you are better and then we can talk about it.

He nodded. He was so content gazing at Teyla that he didn't even notice Carson entering the room and injecting something into his IV. His eyelids became droopy and the last sight he saw before darkness claimed him was Teyla's beautiful face staring down at him.

_John was on a cold dark wet planet that he had never seen before; there were trees all around him and the raging wind wasn't just whispering through the trees it was shouting all around him. He had no idea how he had arrived in this place, the last thing he remembered was talking to Teyla. He shivered as he looked ahead of him, wondering if he should follow the path that was at his feet. Finally he decided that if he was to find out what was going on he would need to actually move his feet. Walking down the path in front of him, the moon came out from behind the clouds and began to cast and eerie glow across the wooded landscape. Up ahead he caught a glimpse of some ancient ruins. Although he knew that he should turn back, his feet just kept walking towards the ruins, but he had been to this planet before and he had seen the hallucinations that were popping up all around him. He tried to run but he was frozen to the spot the hallucinations came closer and suddenly he screamed._

He awoke with a start, with sweat dripping down his face and he felt nauseous. Every injury was really beginning to hurt, his head, his arm, his wrist, his side and finally his thighs joined the cacophony of pain. He lay still trying to stop the bile rising in the back of his throat, just as he started to retch, he felt gentle hands helping him sit up and a dish placed in front of him, just in time to catch the bile that was expelled from his mouth. Once he'd finished dry heaving the gentle hands helped him lie back on the bed.

He felt someone wipe his brow and then his mouth with a soft cloth, looking up he noticed that Teyla was still there and wiping his face and Carson was on the other side of him adjusting all the tubes and wires he had coming in and out of his body.

"How long was I asleep?" He managed to croak out, his throat felt so dry and sore.

"About five hours," Carson told him, offering him some ice chips.

"Are you okay John?" Teyla asked, still wiping his brow.

"Nightmare," Was all he managed to croak out.

"So do you want to talk about it son?" Carson asked him, while offering him some water.

John closed his eyes to think about what he'd seen and it wasn't a pleasant thought having to share it, but maybe this nightmare was connected to what happened to him. "I was on a strange planet with some ancient ruins and there were some strange figures, or hallucinations; hell I don't know what to call them, but for some reason they wanted to hurt me. Is that was happened to me Doc? Did a bunch of hallucinations do this?"

"Aye lad I'm afraid that's exactly what happened."

"Well I don't really want to know about it right now, because I am in pain again, but I'm not sure I want to go back to sleep."

"I can give you something for the pain, that won't make you drowsy and then if you want to go back to sleep you can."

"Thanks Doc?" John lay there and felt the cool soothing liquid flow through his veins, when Carson injected his pain meds into his IV.

Before he knew it he knew it his eyelids were drooping and he was fast asleep again.

_John was on a strange planet again, it was different to the last planet he had been on, because there was ice and snow, as far as the eye could see. All he could see was a white desolate landscape. There was no sun and the sky was as white as the world around him. It was kind of beautiful in an eerie sort of way. _

_All he could do was lay there and stare at the strange figures surrounding him, he had no idea who they were and why they were pointing weapons at him. He felt incredibly sluggish, it was almost like someone was holding his limbs down to the point he couldn't move. The strange figures were standing over him, but they weren't doing anything. They appeared to be frozen and not because of the ice and snow._

_His fuzzy brain was making it difficult to focus on the icy white wasteland, he wondered if he was back in Antarctica, but if he was how did he get there? But then he knew that it wasn't Antarctica, because there was only a flat lifeless plain from horizon to horizon._

_Lying in the strange icy cold place where nothing was happening, he had a vague recollection of being shot, stabbed, concussed and shot again. He tried to speak wondering if he should ask the people around him for some answers, but when he opened his mouth no sound came out. He closed his mouth and looked at the figures above him and all he saw were dull lifeless eyes staring down at him. _

_Suddenly the landscape changed before his eyes and John found himself lying in a desert. There was coarse red sand as far as the eye could see and the two suns were high in the pale pink sky. The only features on the desolate landscape were a few rocks and dead trees scattered across the barren plain. It felt as if he was on Mars; but it couldn't be, because Mars only had one pale cold sun and it was incredibly cold on that particular planet._

_Looking over he noticed that the strange figures were still there and staring at him with dull lifeless eyes and they still had their weapons pointed at him and then he screamed._

He awoke with his heart beating soundly and someone gently soothing him and rubbing his back a dish was held in front of him; just in case he gave a repeat performance of the last time he awoke.

He looked up at Elizabeth who was rubbing his back and Dr Keller holding the dish under his chin.

When he his stomach had settled down he felt Elizabeth and Dr Keller ease him back on to the bed. Taking deep breaths he tried to get his breathing under control.

"How are you feeling Colonel?" Dr Keller asked, while checking his vitals.

"I'm good. How long did I sleep this time?"

"Around twelve hours," Elizabeth told him, gently stroking the back of his hand.

"Colonel Sheppard, did you have another nightmare?" Jennifer asked, with a look of concern.

"Yep."

"Would you like to talk about it, John?" Elizabeth asked.

"No." He replied abruptly.

"How's the pain John?" Keller asked him.

"It's there, but I don't want to go back to sleep, so I can do without the pain meds thanks."

"Okay I'll give you something for that, but I won't give you anything to make you drowsy."

"That's what Carson said last time Doc, but I still fell asleep and I still had a nightmare."

"I'm sorry but your body has been through an extreme trauma and sleep is the best thing for you at the moment, it may actually help your body heal more quickly." Jennifer explained while injecting the medication into his IV port.

"Okay thanks Doc."

"I'll be in my office if you need me if you need me Colonel."

"I must go to my office as well and catch up on some paperwork, Teyla will be back soon to sit with you." Elizabeth explained, as she kissed him on the cheek.

John watched her leave the ICU and settled down in his bed, he felt himself becoming drowsy, but he tried really hard to stay awake. Eventually he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, so he let the darkness claim him.

_John found himself lying in on the desert world again. There was coarse red sand as far as the eye could see and the two suns were high in the pale pink sky. The only features on the desolate landscape were a few rocks and dead trees scattered across the barren plain. It felt as if he was on Mars; but it couldn't be, because Mars only had one pale cold sun and it was incredibly cold on that particular planet._

_Looking over he noticed that the strange figures were still there and staring at him with dull lifeless eyes and they still had their weapons pointed at him. Suddenly one of the figures stepped forward and pointed a shot gun at him, he knew he recognised him, but was he real or was he, part of this nightmare. The last thing he remembered before the darkness claimed him was the figure with the shot gun laughing at him in an evil voice._

**TBC…**

**Poor John seems to be having a few nightmares.**


	15. Chapter 15: Answers

**Chapter 15: Answers.**

_John found himself lying on the desert world again. There was coarse red sand as far as the eye could see and the two suns were high in the pale pink sky. The only features on the desolate landscape were a few rocks and dead trees scattered across the barren plain. It felt as if he was on Mars; but it couldn't be, because Mars only had one pale cold sun and it was incredibly cold on that particular planet._

_Looking over he noticed that the strange figures were still there and staring at him with dull lifeless eyes and they still had their weapons pointed at him. Suddenly one of the figures stepped forward and pointed a shot gun at him, he knew he recognised him, but was he real or was he, part of this nightmare. _

He awoke with a start, his heart was pounding and his head was throbbing and the rest of his body wasn't feeling much better. He'd had the same nightmare for three days now and it wasn't helping his recovery. He hadn't managed to keep much food down, so he still had the feeding tube in and the IV. He hadn't managed to get out of bed, so the dreaded catheter was still in and it was making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

He knew he had to get a grip or he'd have to go and speak to Dr Heightmeyer and discuss his feelings and that wasn't going to happen. He decided that maybe it was time to talk to someone. Looking over to the side of his bed he noticed that Rodney was sitting in the chair beside him, fast asleep. He didn't know if he wanted to talk to him or not, but maybe Rodney could tell him what the hell happened to him. Everyone was being so secretive, as if giving him any information would break him. He could just imagine what they were saying behind his back. "Poor little John, let's be careful not to break him." That was one scenario that kept going through his mind? Making a decision that he would talk to Rodney he tried to get his attention.

"Hey McKay wake up." He spoke rather loudly.

When there was no reply, he spoke a little louder, "Hey McKay wake up."

The third time he spoke he yelled at the man, "Hey McKay wake up."

He almost laughed when Rodney shot straight up in the chair and almost fell out of it.

"Why are you yelling at me Sheppard?"

"Sorry McKay I really needed you to wake up."

"Why? Shouldn't you be sleeping? That's all you've done for three days, when you haven't been puking."

He looked at his friend feeling embarrassed by what he had to ask him, "I want you to tell me what happened to me and then I want to talk about the nightmares I've been having?"

"Really Sheppard you want to talk to me? I'm not very good at the whole touchy feely thing. I didn't think you were either."

"Well I don't want to talk to Heightmeyer and I'll talk to Teyla eventually, but right now everyone is treating me as if I might break if they told me what happened to me. So I thought that you would probably be the only one who is honest with me."

"Okay what do you want to know?" 

"What the hell happened to me on that planet, I know that I was having hallucinations and that they were attacking me, but the question is why?"

"Well we discovered that the planet was set up as an ancient testing ground, one which the ancients were forced to prove that they were worthy and ready for battle. It appears that the ancients sent their people there when they thought they were not up to the task."

"Okay Rodney I understand that, but how was the program activated and why weren't you affected?"

"Well it turns out that your strong gene activated the program when we stepped through the gate, that's why you could see the mysterious figures and we couldn't. As to why I wasn't affected I can only surmise that my artificial gene was too weak to register."

"So everything that happened, was in my head?"

"Yes."

"Then why the hell was I injured McKay?"

"I'm sorry John, but the program manipulated your mind into thinking you were injured, so in the physical world it really happened."

"Great, why is it the ancients, so badly wanted to kill or injure their own people?"

"Well umm… Sheppard, umm…that's not all of it." Rodney stuttered, not really wanting to tell him the truth.

John looked at his friend with suspicion, he was sure that what McKay was about to say next was what everyone was trying to protect him from.

"Spit it out McKay," he said, his anger rising.

"Well it appears that when you came through the gate back to Atlantis, you activated a device in a lab that we had just found. This device had the same effect as the one on the planet."

"Okay, so that's how I got shot in the legs." He looked at Rodney and knew that there was more, "What aren't you telling me Rodney?"

"Well apparently the ancients had a thing against half-bloods, it would appear that when you arrived back in Atlantis, they detected your gene and you human DNA and deemed that you should be eliminated, because you were a half-blood."

He just lie there feeling disgusted with the ancients yet again. They certainly had a lot to answer for. He sighed before asking his next question.

"Why weren't Lorne and Beckett affected, they both have a pretty strong gene?"

"Sorry John, but when you were on that planet, the program left a marker in your system, which the program in Atlantis picked up when you came through the gate."

"Okay I understand all that, as creepy and disturbing as it is, but what about the other nightmares I've been having Rodney? That's what driving me crazy and none of them takes place on that particular planet."

"Why don't you tell me about them Sheppard, if you're still in a touchy feely mood?"

John just stared at Rodney, he wasn't amused, he was trying to be serious, "not funny Rodney."

"Sorry Sheppard, why don't you tell me about them?"

"Well I was lying on a cold world and there was snow and ice as far as the eye could see and the sky was completely white. I couldn't move and I was having difficulty breathing. The hallucinations were staring at me with dull lifeless eyes and they were frozen to the spot, not moving and I then I started shivering and I noticed that I only had my BDU's on. Then suddenly I was burning up and on a hot desert world and there was red sand as far as the eye could see. The figures were still there staring into space and totally frozen with their weapons pointed at me, the worst thing about this was I just couldn't seem to wake up, it just seemed to go on forever. The first time I had this dream was when I first got back to Atlantis."

"Wait Sheppard, this may have been happening when you were in a medically induced coma. We wondered what was happening inside your head at that point, because you were laying there with your eyes and mouth wide open with drool running down your chin. You also suffered from hypothermia and a raging fever."

"So putting me in a medically induced coma actually froze the hallucinations, holograms; or whatever you want to call them from attacking me." He shuddered at the thought.

"That seems like a reasonable explanation. What's the last thing you remember before waking up?"

"They slowly vanished and then there was darkness."

"Did you dream of those planets again?"

"Yes that's what I've been dreaming about for the last three days, the only difference this time is that the evil figures leader is laughing at me before I wake up sweating of puking or screaming."

"Well Sheppard, I'm no Heightmeyer, but I would have to say that you've been through a terrifying experience and your mind is trying to process it and come to terms with what has happened, so speaking to me should be cathartic."

"Wow McKay when did you become so wise?"

"I've been to see Heightmeyer enough times to learn a thing or two."

"Well Rodney let's hope our little chat helps, because if I don't show any improvement in the next two day's Carson wants me to talk to her."

Their conversation was interrupted by Carson coming into the room. "Did I hear my name?"

John looked at Rodney and smiled before answering the question, "yes Carson I was just wondering if it's time to eat and when can I get out of here?"

"Dinner will be served in about an hour and as for when you are getting out of here, you'll be my guest for at least another week."

He looked at Carson with his best puppy dog eyes, "can't I rest up in my room, I promise to be a good boy and use a wheelchair and you can have someone keeping an eye on me at all times."

"We'll see how you are in a week and if you are doing better, you can rest in you room under strict supervision. Now how's the pain? It's time for you next lot of pain meds."

"It's about a five Doc."

"Well I'll give you something for that and then you can get some rest until dinner is served."

He watched Carson inject the medication into his IV, "Thanks Doc." He said closing his eyes.

Very soon he fell into a deep restful sleep.

He awoke sometime later feeling much better than he had for days. Looking around the infirmary, he noticed that he was alone and it was dark. It must be the night shift. Lying back on his pillow he decided that it was a good idea to take another nap, when a voice spoke to him from across the room, "how are you feeling Sheppard?"

"Where were you hiding Chewie?"

"I wasn't hiding, I was just being quiet."

John rolled his eyes, "Okay Chewie, why are you here?"

"It's my turn to sit with you."

"Thanks Chewie, but I think I'll be alright, you don't have to sit here."

"Doc says he wants me to make sure you eat something when you wake up." He said pointing at the bedside table

John looked at the table and noticed a turkey sandwich and some jello.

"Okay I'll give it ago," John pulled the food towards him and realised that he actually felt hungry. He finished the food in no time.

He saw Ronan staring at him and he wondered if there was a problem "Is there a problem Chewie?"

"It was really horrible what happened to you and I just wanted to make sure that you're okay."

"Yes Chewie I think I am. I just slept for a few hours without having a single nightmare and that is the best sleep I've had since I've been back."

"That's good," Ronan mumbled, looking down at him feet.

"So Chewie what have you been up to since I've been in here, have you beaten the crap out of any of my marines lately?"

"No I was so mad when we got back from the planet that everyone has stayed away from me."

John chuckled. It felt good to laugh, although it didn't do much for his pain levels. He grimaced, but hoped Ronan hadn't seen it, because, he didn't want Ronan to see him as weak.

"So you and Teyla huh, it's about time too."

"What did she tell you Chewie?"

"She said that you two should talk and I totally agree with her, you two belong together."

"Wow, I never knew you had a romantic side Chewie?"

"Well let's just say, before I spent seven years on the run from the Wraith, I wanted romance the same way everyone does."

John looked down at the end of his bed feeling very embarrassed by the conversation they'd just had. He had no idea what Ronan was doing, but he suspected that he was a little embarrassed, having just shared something of himself.

They were both saved any farther embarrassment by Carson entering the room, "How are you this evening Colonel?" Carson asked in his cheery voice.

"The pain's notching up a little, but at least I got some sleep without having a nightmare."

"That's good to know and I see you've eaten a little as well. If you eat breakfast without any problems in the morning I will take the feeding tube out and after lunch tomorrow we'll try and get you on your feet. I might need you around to help with that Ronan?"

"Sure," Ronan mumbled.

Just as the pain was beginning to get worse John felt a cool soothing liquid flow through his veins, within thirty seconds he fell into a deep restful sleep.

**TBC…**


	16. Chapter 16: Feelings

**Chapter 16: Feelings.**

John awoke the next morning feeling refreshed, he hadn't had a single nightmare all night and his pain levels weren't feeling too bad. Looking around the room he saw that Teyla was fast asleep on the spare bed in the ICU. John thought he might try using a term of endearment to wake her. He'd already told her that she was the love of his life after all.

"Teyla Sweetie, wake up?"

He watched the beautiful woman open her eyes and stare at him, "Good morning honey." She greeted him with a smile.

"Do you have any idea what time it is sweetie, because I'm starving and think it's about time I had some breakfast?"

"Are you going to keep calling me sweetie John?"

"Yep I hope you don't mind. I love you and I want the whole world to know about it. I'm so sorry that I never told you before, but I've faced death so many times recently that I don't want to waste another moment in being with you."

"I know exactly what you mean and I feel exactly the same way John, when you are out of here we can discuss this further."

"Why wait, I would love to get out of here for a while, help me stage a jail break after breakfast?"

"What's this I hear about a jail break?" Carson asked sternly, as he entered the room.

John smirked, as Teyla spoke, "Colonel Sheppard was just expressing a desire to leave the infirmary for a short while after breakfast."

Carson grinned, as he answered her. "You may take Colonel Sheppard to the infirmary balcony for a while after breakfast." John felt the Doctor's eyes bore into him before he continued his rant, "I will take the feeding tube and the catheter out after breakfast, but the IV stays. At moment we still need it for your pain meds. Do you understand?"

"Gee you drive a hard bargain Doc, but I will do anything to get out of here for a while."

"Good, now Marie has gone to get both of you some breakfast and then Teyla can take you to the balcony, in a wheelchair."

John watched Carson leave. Once Carson had left he motioned Teyla to come and sit beside him. "You know Teyla, I would really like to kiss you now, but unfortunately that will have to wait. I'm stuck in here for the foreseeable future."

"Never mind we've waited this long a few more days won't make much difference."

John didn't have a chance to reply because Marie came in with their breakfast, she put John's on his rolling table and wheeled the table over so it was in front of him. She then gave Teyla hers and left the room. John looked down at the oatmeal and gagged, he really wasn't in the mood for mush, to him it felt like he was being tortured, because that's all he got fed when he was being held captive. He was interrupted from his thoughts by Teyla talking to him.

"What is wrong John?"

"Do I really have to eat this, I could have done with some bacon and eggs, or maybe some pancakes."

"Well if you eat the oatmeal, I will share my pancakes with you, but you need to eat the oatmeal, so Carson doesn't get suspicious."

John started shovelling the oatmeal in his mouth, "You've got yourself a deal Sweetie," he told her in between mouthfuls.

"Please slow down Honey, I do not want you to be sick all over the place and I'm sure you would rather get out of this place, then to give Carson a reason to keep you here longer."

He smiled his crooked grin at her and took her advice and slowed down, the last thing he needed was to give Carson any excuse to keep him in the infirmary longer than necessary.

"Sweetie, I've finished my oatmeal, are you going to share you pancakes with me now?" He asked using his best puppy dog eyes.

"How can I refuse you when you look like that?"

He gladly took the plate that she handed him and ate everything on it, before complaining, "I'm still hungry is there anything else to eat?"

"I think you should wait until Carson comes back, he may be able to offer you some more food at a later time."

"Did I hear my name?" Carson asked, walking into the room.

Using his best puppy dog eyes again, he asked, "Yeh Doc can I have some more food and can I go for a walk?"

"You can wait for lunch, before you eat again, as I don't want you to be sick and yes I will take the catheter and feeding tube out and you can go for a walk. The IV and Nasal Cannula stay for now though."

"Fair enough Doc."

"Teyla can you go and get the wheelchair for Colonel Sheppard please, while I take the Catheter and feeding tube out."

"Yes, Dr Beckett."

John watched Teyla leave with a big grin on his face, he loved watching her walk, she looked good from any angle, but right now the back of her looked pretty good.

Carson chuckled, "wipe that grin of your face; anyone would think you're in love or something."

"I am in love Doc and I have been for a long time, I've just been a little too stupid to admit it."

"Well let's get these things out of ya and ya can spend some time together out on the balcony."

John lay back on the bed and let Carson do his work, he decided to take the nasal Cannula out as well, because John's oxygen levels were normal. It was all very uncomfortable and he felt his pain levels rising, but he wasn't going to tell Carson that, because he wanted to get outside for a while. He'd been in the infirmary for a week and a half now, so now he was beginning to climb the walls with boredom. He knew that he would drive Carson crazy before he was finally released to his quarters, but it was a tossup who would go crazy first; him or Carson.

"I'm all done here lad, now you may go to the infirmary balcony for an hour. When you come back you can have a sleep before lunch and after lunch I want to try and get you on your feet.

He looked at Carson with a deadpan look, "Yes mom."

"Cheeky bugger. Now I'll give you your pain meds now and then I'll give you another dose after lunch. You'll certainly need them this afternoon when we get you on your feet.

He watched as Carson put the pain meds into his IV. By the time Carson had finished Teyla was there with a wheelchair.

He let Carson and Teyla help him into the wheelchair and wrap a blanket around him. Teyla then went behind him and took the handles and wheeled him towards the balcony. He was beginning to get excited, freedom was in his sight. Very soon he would be breathing in the first fresh air he'd had in over a week. He wondered if he could convince Teyla to take him on an extended walk; probably not, he knew from past experience that she always did what the Doctors told her to do.

He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh ocean air, as Teyla wheeled him on to the balcony, opening his eyes he marvelled at the view. Despite all the things the ancients did wrong; and that list continued to grow longer. Building Atlantis was something they did right.

"Teyla, can you help me to stand for a few minutes please." Looking at her he saw a hint of indecision in her, "please Teyla I promise to hold on to the railing and to not stand for long."

She nodded her head and came round to his side, taking his arm she helped him up and place his good hand on the railing. It felt so good to be standing on his feet. He'd only been lying down for a week and a half, but it was still too long.

"Thank you Teyla," he whispered when she let him go. He could still sense her hovering behind him, but he didn't mind.

He must have stood there for five minutes taking in the view, before his pain levels began to rise again, he felt himself tilting to the side, but before his fell Teyla was by his side helping him sit down. "Thanks," he whispered feeling a little out of breath.

He closed his eyes and then he felt Teyla moving him. He opened his eyes to see her kneeling in front of him and holding his good arm.

"John, are you alright? Do you want to go back to the infirmary now?"

"No I'm good."

He watched her roll her eyes at him. It was adorable, so he leant forward and pressed his lips to hers, he felt her kiss back just as passionately. Very soon he was out of breath and had to pull away.

"Are you sure you are okay John?"

He smiled at her and rubbed the back of her hand, "I'm just a little breathless; I think I'll need to get back in shape before we do that again."

"Well why don't we sit and talk." She suggested, sitting on the bench next to his wheelchair.

He nodded and asked her, "What do you want to talk about sweetie?"

"I want to talk about us. Is there a future for us John?"

"I definitely think that there is a future for us and I'd like to explore that when I'm feeling better."

They sat talking about their future together for a long time, just as Teyla was about to wheel John back to the infirmary, he stood up and pulled her in for a kiss.

He never heard another person entering the balcony until he heard someone clearing his throat.

"What are you doing? Should you be standing on your feet?"

John turned around and glared at the man, "Rodney what the hell are you doing here? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Yes I can see that, now sit down before you fall down?"

He felt himself falling again and before he had a chance to right himself, Rodney and Teyla were by his side helping him sit down. "At the risk of repeating myself Rodney why are you here?" He asked, a little breathlessly.

"Carson asked me to come and see what was taking you so long. Now I know?"

It was Teyla who spoke to Rodney, "Please do not tell anyone what you saw as we wish to keep it between us for the moment."

"Okay, but please come back to the infirmary now, or Carson will chase me with his big pointy needles."

Teyla walked around behind John and started to push him back to the infirmary, Carson was there a pounced on his before he even reached the ICU.

"How are you lad? Are you okay?"

"I'm good," John told him breathlessly.

"No you are not, let's get you in bed and check you over."

Once he was in his bed again Carson attached his nasal Cannula again and checked his oxygen flow. He caught Carson staring at him and he suspected that Carson was about to go into mother hen mode. "How's the pain son?"

He felt his anger rising, why was everyone treating him like some fragile porcelain doll? "Doc I'm_ fine_ stop fussing over me and let me go _back to sleep_ until lunchtime!"

He knew that he'd probably hurt Carson, but he'd had enough and he wanted to be left alone.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone, but if you need me I'll be in my office. Come on Rodney let's go?"

After John had watched them leave he looked up to see the look on Teyla's face, he knew that look; it was her don't mess with me or I'll kick your ass look. "What," he asked, still trying to control his anger.

"That was not very nice you will have to apologise to Carson at some stage."

"I know but I'm sick of everyone treating me like I'm fragile. I just want to get past this and get on with my life."

"Do you not understand that everyone cares for you and we all want you to get better, we need you to be 100% well and we all plan on helping you get there?"

"I know Teyla, but I just want to get out of here, be with you and get on with the rest of my life."

"And we will help you achieve that, if you let us John?"

"I will apologise to Carson after my nap, because believe it or not I am really beginning to hurt."

He closed his eyes ready for a sleep and was surprised when Teyla leant in and kissed him on the lips, he would have kissed back if he wasn't so exhausted.

"Sleep well my love; I will be here when you wake up."

"'Night," He mumbled and closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

**TBC…**


	17. Chapter 17: Signs of improvement

**Chapter 17: Signs of improvement.**

John awoke sometime later to find Ronan sitting next to his bed, it took him a while to really wake up and when he did he felt the pain level notching up. "Hey big guy, what are you doing here?"

"Doc says when you've eaten your lunch I have to help you get on your feet.

He hadn't been awake long, but already he felt his anger rising, he couldn't explain it, but what had happened was eating him up inside, "oh great Chewie, now I get to be a_ freaking_ _circus_ act!"

"Doc said you were in a bad mood."

"Yes well what do you expect, I've been in this place for almost two weeks now and when I'm not asleep, I'm either _puking_ or being treated like some _dam porcelain_ doll! So tell me how I am supposed to act?" His anger was at boiling point and about to boil over, he just didn't know how much more of this he could take, so he did the only thing he could think of to relieve his anger, he swept the food of the rolling table and unluckily for him it ended up all over him. This didn't make him any better, so he tossed the table aside and ripped the IV out of his arm.

"I'm not staying here _any longer;_ I need to get out of this place, so if you'd kindly get out of my way _I'm leaving_!" He spat out, as he pulled the covers back and tried to get out of the bed.

"I'd like to see you try Colonel Baby."

John was furious by this time and Ronan wasn't helping, "what did you_ call_ me?"

"I called you Colonel Baby."

With his rage boiling over he sat up in the bed and pushed himself to his feet and tried to take a few steps, but he was so week he didn't get very far. Before he could crumble into a heap on the floor Ronan picked him up and placed him back on the bed. This only fuelled his rage and he started throwing whatever he could find at Ronan, finally he was exhausted and fell back onto the bed.

"Do you feel better now Sheppard?"

"No not really, but I am really exhausted. Which is another thing that's making me angry why the hell, am I so exhausted all the time."

"Doc says that your body has undergone an extreme trauma and it may take some time to start feeling normal again."

He glared at his big friend. "Since when do you listen to Beckett Chewie?"

"Just because I ignore him, doesn't mean I don't listen to him."

He felt himself calming down a little by this time, "so tell me Chewie, what the hell am I supposed to do, I kind of getting sick of waking up in the infirmary every few weeks and I'm sick of being treated like some fragile porcelain doll."

"You're not supposed to like it, you get angry then you move on and trust that your friends only have your best interests at heart, because they care about you."

John looked at his friend totally stunned, he didn't know he had it in him to give him such a pep talk. "Wow does everyone want Heightmeyer's job, I had Rodney in here the other day spouting of all kind of psychological advice as well?"

"No, but it doesn't take a genius to figure these things out."

"I got tortured by hallucinations, because of my ancient gene and to top it all off they decided that I was a half-blood and tried to kill me for that."

"I was on the run from the wraith for seven years and when I met you, I didn't trust anyone, but you took me in and believed in me and I got through it, with the help of others."

"Wow Chewie I think that's about the longest sentence you've ever spoken to me, I never knew you were so wise, now enough of this emotional crap, what's for lunch."

"I don't know Sheppard; you threw it all over the floor."

He felt much better after his talk, so he looked at Ronan and they both burst out laughing, it felt good, until it really began to hurt his injuries.

"Now what the hell is going on in here," Carson chastised entering to room.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson had just finished his lunch and he decided that it was time to check on his most frequent patient. He was worried about the Colonel's mood, the man was clearly in pain and clearly angry about what had happened to him, the funny thing was that when he was around Teyla his mood seemed to lift. He knew that he would have to call in Kate Heightmeyer soon to talk to him and he knew that Colonel Sheppard wasn't going to like it, but he would stipulate that he wasn't to be released from the infirmary until he had seen her and he certainly wouldn't be going back on duty without speaking to her. He had gotten away without speaking to her on far too many occasions recently and it was a good time for him to start.

He had kept the Colonel in the ICU, because his injuries were not healing as fast as they should have been. He was about to walk into the ICU when he saw Ronan in there and he was not happy by what he saw and heard.

He watched as John tried to get out of bed and almost crumble to the floor, before Ronan picked him up and placed him on the bed. He was about to walk in the room, when he heard Ronan speak.

"_Do you feel better now Sheppard?"_

"_No not really, but I am really exhausted. Which is another thing that's making me angry why the hell, am I so exhausted all the time."_

"_Doc says that your body has undergone an extreme trauma, it may take some time for you to start feeling normal."_

_He glared at his big friend. "Since when do you listen to Beckett Chewie?"_

"_Just because I ignore him, doesn't mean I don't listen to him."_

Carson wasn't sure he should be eavesdropping on his friends' conversation, but he just couldn't help himself and he moved as close to the door as he could, so he could hear.

"_So tell me Chewie, what the hell am I supposed to do, I kind of getting sick of waking up in the infirmary every few weeks and I sick of being treated like some fragile porcelain doll."_

"_You're not supposed to like it, you get angry then you move on and trust that your friends only have your best interests at heart, because they care about you."_

"_Wow does everyone want Heightmeyer's job, I had Rodney in here the other day spouting all kind of psychological advice as well?"_

"_No, but it doesn't take a genius to figure these things out."_

"_I got tortured by hallucinations, because of my ancient gene and to top it all off they decided that I was a half-blood and tried to kill me for that."_

"_I was on the run from the wraith for seven years and when I met you, I didn't trust anyone, but you took me in and believed in me and I got through it, with the help of others."_

"_Wow Chewie I think that's about the longest sentence you've ever spoken to me, I never knew you were so wise, now enough of this emotional crap, what's for lunch."_

"_I don't know Sheppard; you threw it all over the floor."_

He watched to the two of them burst out laughing. He could see that John was in pain, so he thought that it was about time that he entered the room."

"Now what the hell is going on in here?"

"Sorry Doc," Both men said together.

"Ronan, can you please leave? I need to have a talk to Colonel Sheppard."

"Sure Doc, catch you later Sheppard."

"See you later Chewie and thanks."

Carson watched while Ronan left the room and sighed. What was he going to say to Colonel Sheppard? He was totally angry at the man for trashing the ICU, but he understood why he did it.

He caught John looking at him with his puppy dog eyes and almost laughed, that was usually enough to stop anyone being mad at him, but not now; not today.

"Colonel, don't look at me like that, it won't make any difference to what I have to say."

"Look Doc I know I owe you and apology for the way I treated you last night and for what it's worth I really am sorry, but I'm beginning to get a bit frustrated being stuck in here."

"I know you are lad, but until you come to terms with what's happened, you won't begin to heal. That's why I want you to talk to Dr Heightmeyer."

"Doc you know that's not going to happen, you can send her in here if you like, but I won't talk to her."

He looked at his patient with the sternest look he could, "Colonel Sheppard you will not be leaving here until you've spoken to her."

"Can't I talk to my team, that's what I've always done before?"

"Not this time lad."

"Fine I'll just stay here," John said, with a look that Carson knew well. It was his I'm as stubborn as hell look and I'm not changing my mind.

Carson sighed he knew that it was going to be difficult for everyone over the next few days. It always happened when John was recovering from injuries inflicted on him by some psychopath. There were two or three days when he wasn't well enough to be released and he was well enough not to sleep all the time, it drove everyone crazy and then there was his refusal to talk to Kate; that was the biggest problem of all.

"Well let me get you cleaned up and then I'll bring you some lunch."

"Not hungry Doc, I just want to go back to sleep.

Carson felt his own anger rising, John Sheppard was a stubborn man, who didn't realise that everyone had his best interests at heart. "Okay I'll clean you up and leave your lunch, if you don't want to eat it that's fine."

"Whatever," was the only reply he got?

Carson left the room, he knew that it was about time to talk to Elizabeth and Kate, passing Marie on the way out, he sent her in to clean up the ICU and get Colonel Sheppard some more lunch. Arriving in his office he tapped his earpiece,

"Beckett to weir, come in?"

"_Yes Doctor how can I help you?"_

"I really need to talk to you and Kate about Colonel Sheppard as soon as possible."

"_I'll meet you in my office in one hour and I'll see if Kate's free."_

"See you then, Beckett out."

He sat down at his computer and stared at the files he had opened, he really wasn't in the mood to work.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth sat at her desk staring at her computer; she really wasn't interested in doing any work. She was worried about John again; when was she not worried about him. The upcoming meeting had here worried, she knew that Carson was going to insist that John see Kate, but she also knew that John had already refused and Carson expected her to make a decision and force John to see Kate, which she really didn't want to do. She knew John so well and she knew that the only way he would talk would be to talk to Teyla, Rodney or Ronan.

She looked up to see Carson enter her office with Kate tagging alone behind her. "Please sit down."

Before she had a chance to say anything Carson spoke, "Elizabeth you need to make John talk to Kate, I'm not letting him leave the infirmary if he doesn't."

"How is he Carson," she asked him before he had a chance to continue.

"Well his injuries aren't healing as fast as I would like them too, which is why I want him to talk to Kate. What happened to him was traumatic and on top of everything else he's endured lately, he really needs to talk about it. If not he will just shove it into a corner of his already overcrowded mind."

Elizabeth looked over a Kate to gage her reaction to the situation, when she said nothing she asked her, "What do you think Kate?"

Kate smiled at Carson, "has he spoken to anyone Carson, sometimes just talking to someone can help it doesn't have to be me."

Carson looked at his hands and mumbled, "well he's spoken to Teyla and I heard him talking to Ronan this morning."

"What do you think Kate will that be enough?" Elizabeth asked thoughtfully.

"Yes I think for now that will be enough. Keep an eye on him and see how he goes over the next few days. If things don't improve we'll reconsider our position." Kate suggested.

Elizabeth stood up and looked at her friends, this meeting was over and she should be able to get back to doing some paperwork. "Okay sounds like a plan; I'll meet with both of you in two days again. You're dismissed."

She watched as the two of them left and then she sat down and stared at her computer again.

TBC…


	18. Chapter 18: Not again

**Chapter 18: Not again.**

John awoke sometime later feeling a little better; he looked around the room wondering why one of his team wasn't beside him. It didn't take him long to work out that Carson was beside him. He scowled, Carson was the last person he wanted to see right now. Why was he here, what could he possibly want? Was he here to give him more orders and make him feel worse than he already did? He sat up straighter in his bed ready to fight to Doctor if he had too. There was no way he was going to talk to anyone he didn't want to and there were only two people he didn't want to speak to right now. Carson was one of them and Kate was the other.

He looked over at Carson and glared at him, "what do you want Dr Beckett?"

He felt his anger rising, he had no idea why he was so angry lately, but there's no way he was going to discuss his feelings with Carson right now.

"Colonel I want to tell you that I am here for you if you need to talk. I've spoken with Elizabeth and Kate and we've decided that if you talk to your friends you won't have to talk to Kate. We're going to see how it goes for a couple of days….."

"And then what you'll make me see Kate, how wonderful of you three to make decisions about my life for me." John interrupted, he was fuming and he didn't know why. What the hell was wrong with him? He'd never felt this angry before.

Taking a few deep breaths to try and settle down, he spoke to Carson and his voice was ice cold. "I will never speak to Kate and I will never speak to you, do you understand Carson, never?"

He glared at Carson with cold eyes, before he spoke again. "Now I suggest you leave Carson, before I start throwing things at you."

He watched as Carson left the room and all of a sudden he felt cold incredibly cold, as if someone had walked over his grave. He felt his muscles begin to tremble and he felt darkness encroaching, so he just gave in and let it come.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson left John's room feeling incredibly worried. The man he saw in there was not the John Sheppard he knew. Even in the most difficult times he was never that cold towards him. He was just about the go and talk to Elizabeth again when John's monitors began to wail, running into the ICU he saw that John was having another seizure, he looked around for another member of his staff and saw Jennifer come rushing into the room, Carson started yelling instructions, "give him 20mls of Lorazepam." Jennifer didn't waste any time in injecting the anticonvulsant into his IV.

They watched as the convulsions stopped. "What the hell was that all about?" Jennifer asked, still shaking.

"I have now idea, but before he had the seizure he was incredibly angry and it was a cold anger, like I've never experienced before. I know that as a soldier, he's had to use that cold detached anger, but it has never been directed towards me before. It's not the first time I've witnessed it over the last couple of days and it seems to be getting worse. I wonder if Rodney truly shut that device down."

"I need to contact Rodney." Carson left Jennifer checking John's vitals and left the room, he really needed to contact Rodney away.

"He tapped his earpiece, "Beckett to McKay, come in please?"

"_Rodney here, why have you called me Carson, I've finally taken some time to sleep and you have to contact me."_

"Are you sure you shut that device down?"

"_Why, would you ask that Carson?"_

"Colonel Sheppard has been angrier and colder than I've ever seen him and it was getting worse, until he had a seizure and lost consciousness just now."

"_Okay I'll go back to my lab and do some more research, maybe I'll ask Radek to help, he can be useful at times, McKay out."_

"Keep me informed, Beckett out."

Carson headed back into the ICU to see what was happening with his patient, "how is he Jennifer?"

"His heart rate is a little high and his temperature is down to 95 degrees again. I've just put an extra blanket on him, hopefully that will be enough for now.

"Thanks Jennifer, I think I'll sit with him for a while."

"Goodnight Carson," she said leaving the room.

Carson settled down on a chair next to his patient it was going to be a long night.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Where the hell was he, John was in a cold dark place and he couldn't see or hear anything, trying to look around he found out he was in some kind of dark cave. He had no idea why someone would bring him here and he had no idea who might bring him here, until someone spoke, "hello Colonel Sheppard, it's good to see you again."

He looked at the man, he looked familiar somehow, but he couldn't place where he had seen him before. Then it dawned on him, this was the hallucination of Daniel Smith, this was all in his head. All he had to do was ignore him and maybe he'd go away, but he didn't.

"Why are you ignoring me Colonel Sheppard? I'm not going away if that's what you're thinking."

"What the hell do you want?"

"I'm here to destroy you Colonel, haven't you figured that out by now?"

"No, that can't be right Rodney shut the program down."

"Well yes he did, but I've imprinted on your brain, so you'll never get rid of me and I'll slowly drive you crazy."

John stood frozen to the spot, as the hallucination began to laugh his evil laugh and then he fell into the darkness again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla rushed into the ICU to find that Carson was sitting by Johns bed, Ronan wasn't far behind her, "Carson what is going on?" She asked him, while heading over to the other side of the bed, so that she could hold his hand.

"He's had some kind of seizure. Have either of you noticed him being cold and angry over the last couple of days? I saw him with you earlier today Ronan and he seemed pretty angry then, but I think it was worse when I came to see him this afternoon and then he had a seizure and he's been unconscious ever since."

Teyla looked down at John with worry in her eyes, why was this happening to him? He had been perfectly happy a few days ago and they were discussing their future together, they had even started to tease each other with pet names; she secretly loved it when he called her sweetie. She was startled from her thoughts when Carson spoke to her, "have you noticed anything unusual l lassie?"

"No, he seems to have been fine over the last few days. In fact when we went to the balcony the other day he seemed in good spirits."

"He seemed fine until I brought him his lunch and then he started to get angry." Ronan mumbled.

"I've asked Rodney to check the ancient data base again to make sure that the device has definitely been shut down." Carson told them

All of a sudden Teyla felt John's hand twitch, looking down she notice that he was starting to shake, "Carson, what's happening to him?"

"It looks as if his temperature may be dropping again," he told her taking his temperature. "It's down to 91," he told her pressing the call button and calling for a nurse.

Teyla watched the scene unfold in front of her, she was growing worried, John's shivering and shaking was progressively getting worse and she hoped that the medical staff would be able to fix it again soon. They had only just admitted their feelings for one another, why did things have to go wrong again so quickly. It almost seemed as if something or someone was intentionally trying to keep them apart. She was startled out of her thoughts, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, by Carson.

"Lassie, would you like to sit with him for a while? He's stable for now, but we'll be keeping a close eye on him."

"Thankyou Dr Beckett, I will stay for a while."

She watched as Carson left the room with Marie and Ronan following. Sitting beside John and holding his hand she wondered how long he'd be unconscious this time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rodney entered his lab to find that Zelenka was already there poring over the data base. "How did you get here so quickly Radek?" He grumbled, sitting down at his computer.

"Sorry, but I was already here when you called, something didn't add up and I'm convinced it has something to do with the marker left in his system from the device on the planet, so I thought I'd search the ancient data base again."

Rodney looked at him curiously; he knew that if he was at the top of him game he should have picked up and anomaly himself, but he knew that at the moment he probably wasn't, as he was continually worried about Sheppard. He thought about making some sarcastic comment but changed his mind, because he knew that Radek was worried as well, that is why he was trying to help.

"Radek, thank you for helping, I'm sorry that I didn't think of that sooner."

"It's okay Rodney, I know you're worried about Colonel Sheppard and normally you would have been the first to figure it out."

Rodney felt grateful for his friend. He often wondered why he was so mean to the little man, Radek was a gifted scientist and almost as smart as he was, but not quite. "Have you found anything yet?" He asked him.

"No not yet, there is definitely something weird about this marker in the colonel's blood, but I'm not sure what at this point. It's almost as if it was left behind to wreak havoc with the victim's brain, I'm not sure why though."

"I'll contact Carson and let him know."

He tapped his earpiece, "McKay to Beckett, come in please?"

"_Yes Rodney what can I do for you?"_

"The marker that was left in Colonel Sheppard's blood from the device on the planet seems to be designed to wreak havoc in the victim's brain, we're not sure what yet, but maybe you should monitor his brain waves."

"_I've already done it and it looks as if there is another brain wave pattern over the top of his, I know I don't have to remind you that this is serious and the Colonel is not in very good shape right now, so please hurry and find a solution?"_

"We'll get right on it, McKay out."

"_Keep me apprised, Beckett out."_

He turned and looked at Radek, this whole situation was getting worse and it was his fault, why had he insisted on going to those particular ruins. He knew that any lab of Janus' was bad news. Next time he won't even bother to go and look. He barely heard Radek talking to him, until the little scientist shook his shoulders.

"Yes Radek?"

"What did Carson say?"

"Well it appears that there is another brainwave pattern over the top of Colonel Sheppard's, so basically our best bet is to find a way to eliminate that brain pattern."

"Okay, so we'd better get back to work then?"

Rodney rolled his eyes, Radek sure had an ability to state the obvious, "Yes Radek, we had better get back to work," he answered sarcastically.

Rodney sat down at his computer and stared at the screen, just hoping that an answer would pop up out of nowhere.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was alone on the world of white, it was as cold as he remembered, but this time it was darker and there were no hallucinations pointing weapons at him. Looking around at the flat white desolate plain, he saw a figure in the distance. Deciding that the figure may have answers for him he walked towards it. Arriving there a few seconds later, he tapped the mysterious figure on the shoulder, slowly it turned. He got the shock of his life when it turned out to be him and there was blood dripping down his face.

Suddenly the figure morphed into someone else. It was Daniel Smith again and he was taunting him. "I am here to drive you crazy John Sheppard, pretty soon there will be nothing left of you, your body will just be a shell, as I will have destroyed your mind."

The last thing John heard before the darkness took him again was the hallucinations evil laugh.

**TBC…**

**You didn't think that it would be that simple for John did you?**


	19. Chapter 19: When will it end?

**Chapter 19: When will it end?**

Rodney awoke sometime in the early hours of the morning; he had fallen asleep at his computer again. He had no idea how long he had been asleep; all he knew was that they were close to finding a solution for Colonel Sheppard's condition when he fell asleep. Looking around his lab he wondered why he had awoken so suddenly, finally his eyes settled on Radek. "What's happening Radek, how long have I been asleep?"

"You've been asleep for almost three hours, but I thought I better wake you to tell you that I have found some more encrypted files. It seems that the ancients did have a way to eliminate this marker, but they wanted to keep it secret."

Rodney stood up and looked over Radek's shoulder, "okay let's get to work decoding these files, I'll let Carson know what's going on."

"McKay to Beckett, come in please?"

"_What can I do for you Rodney?"_

"How's Sheppard?"

"_He's stable for now, but his brainwaves are being overrun by this rogue pattern, I don't know how much longer we have before his pattern totally disappears."_

"Radek and I have found a solution; we just have to decode some secret ancient files. Hopefully it will only take about an hour, McKay out."

"_Be quick, Beckett out."_

Rodney looked around to see Radek making more coffee, which was a really good idea, because they both really needed to stay awake right now.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John became aware again, he had no idea how long he'd been in the darkness this time. Looking around he realised that he was on the desert planet again and it was hot, looking up at the sky he realised that now there were three suns in the sky and it was feeling more like hell every minute, he almost expected to find the devil with a pitch fork roasting some poor soul over hot flames.

Noticing some caves up ahead he started to move towards them. What he wouldn't give for a nice glass of water right now. He continued on in silence wondering why he was here and if there was anyone else here. Every step he took, he felt the sweat dripping off him and he was worried he would never reach the caves. Suddenly up ahead he noticed a strange figure, he wondered if it was Daniel Smith again, or even worse the actual devil.

All of a sudden the figure turned around and he was shocked to see he was looking at himself again. Only this wasn't him; it was his evil twin. If looks could kill he would have been dead by now.

He stood staring at it and then the figure turned back into Daniel Smith, with the same evil grin as his evil twin. "Ah Colonel Sheppard, I see you're still here. You won't be for much longer."

"What do you mean I'm still here? I'm on a totally different planet to what I was the last time I saw you and if you think I'm going to run away and hide from you, well you don't really know me. And why am I here anyway? Why are the ancients so sure that I'm not worthy?"

"Well you are a bit of a loser really. What about that black mark in Afghanistan, or what about your job, before you came here? You were flying helicopters in Antarctica; a glorified taxi service. The only reason you came on this expedition was that you had the ancient gene, which doesn't make you and ancient. Your gene is so watered down that it doesn't really make you anything but a human light switch does it? Oh and what about that promotion you got, you only got it because of Elizabeth. The air force doesn't think you deserved it. Need I go on?"

John looked at the hallucination in front of him, hoping that he would just vanish if he stared long enough. Unfortunalty all it did was make the hallucination stare back, he refused to call him by name, because he was just in his head after all.

"You know what you're just in my head, so technically I'm telling myself that I'm a loser, but although at times I may think that. It's not actually true. I did the right thing in Afghanistan, I tried to save lives. The only reason I was punished was, because my superior officers thought that those lives were expendable. And as for my promotion, Elizabeth has always believed in me and my ability to do the job. "

The Hallucination laughed his evil laugh, "and what about Teyla, do you think you can make her happy and not totally stuff that up. You are a real loser when it comes to relationships remember. You couldn't stay married to Nancy; she hated the way you kept secrets from her, which was the action of a loser. What about your family? Your father thinks you're a loser for wanting to go into the air force and not the family business and your brother agrees with him."

John didn't know what to say to that, his relationship with his family, was a sense of shame for him, but he knew that it wasn't entirely his fault. He'd wanted to join the air force for as long as he could remember, but his father had always been against it. His father thought that he should use the intelligence, which he'd been blessed with for the good of the family, not for the good of others and as for his relationship with Nancy, she was the one that walked out on him, he was the one who wanted to fight for the marriage.

He stared at the hallucination again, "you're wrong about my relationships, I did what I always wanted to do with my life and my father couldn't accept that and Nancy divorced me, because she didn't want to be married to an air force pilot. And I know that I will make a much better partner for Teyla, because she knows who I am and accepts that.

"You mean she knows you're a loser."

John had had enough by now, so he got right in the hallucinations face and shouted, "I am not a loser and there is absolutely no way you're going to ever convince me otherwise."

The hallucination glared at him and laughed. "This is not over; you will not get out of this alive."

John felt himself falling into the darkness and he prayed that the next time he woke up; he would see Teyla's beautiful face.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla had been sitting next to John for three hours. The doctors had come and gone in that time and all that they could tell her was that he was stable for the moment. She sighed and kissed him on the cheek and was alarmed by the heat coming off him. She pressed the call button and began to call for a doctor, "Dr Beckett, please come here now."

She watched as Beckett came running into the room. "What's wrong lassie?" He asked her, as he started to take John's vitals.

"Why is he so hot Carson?"

"His temperature is up to 104 again, Rodney better come up with something soon, because these sudden changes in his temperature can cause more seizures and possibly brain damage if they continue. Marie can you get some cooling blankets for Colonel Sheppard and Teyla can you start sponging him down again?"

"Yes Dr Beckett," both women replied at the same time.

Carson left the room to get some cool water for Teyla to start sponging John down and Marie followed to get some cooling blankets, which left Teyla alone with John.

She sat down and held his hand just, as he started to mumble, "I'll be a much better partner for Teyla, because she knows who I am and accepts that."

Teyla wondered what was going on in his head. Why was he talking about her and who was he talking to? Was he having a nightmare or was he talking to hallucinations again?

Suddenly he sat straight up in bed and shouted, "I am not a loser and there is absolutely no way you're going to ever convince me otherwise." Then as quickly as he sat up, he fell back on to the bed again. He thrashed around for a while, until finally he was still.

She started to stroke his forehead and she spoke to him soothingly, "No one thinks you are a loser John and I know that we will make a good couple, because we do know each other and we will not keep secrets from each other."

Carson came in a few minutes later followed by Marie. She helped Marie put a cooling blanket on John and then Carson gave her a bowl of water and a cloth, so that she could start sponging him down.

"I'll be in my office if you need me luv." Carson told her, as he left the room.

She watched Carson leave, followed closely by Marie and then she turned back to the man she loved and started to try and cool him down.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It had been well over an hour since Rodney and Radek had discovered the encrypted files and they were close to a breakthrough.

Rodney suddenly stood up and run his hands through his hair and with a frustrated grunt declared. "We're never going to get this, Sheppard is going to go crazy and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Rodney please sit down, I'm positive we're close, just a little bit longer and I'm sure we'll find it. Come on Rodney, if anyone can figure it out you can."

Rodney sat down and took a few deep breaths before looking at his computer again. "Thanks Radek, you're right we must be close and between the two of us we will work it out."

Five minutes later Rodney looked up with a huge grin on his face. "Radek I think I've found it, I will have it done in about five minutes.

"Well done Rodney, do you want to let Carson know and I'll continue on with the work."

"Thanks Radek." Rodney told him, tapping his earpiece.

"McKay to Beckett, come in please?"

"_Go ahead Rodney."_

"We've managed to decode the files and will have an answer for you shortly."

"_Well I suggest you hurry because John's temperature is all over the place and if he has another seizure, I can't guarantee that he won't suffer brain damage."_

"I'll let you know when we have something, Rodney out."

"_Make it quick, Carson out."_

Rodney looked up at Radek, who was now staring at him.

"What is wrong Rodney?"

"We don't have much time, Radek; Carson says if John has another seizure he may suffer brain damage."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was back on the ice world again, only this time it seemed colder than he remembered it. He looked around trying to find the hallucination and wondering whether it would be him or Daniel Smith this time. The planet was nowhere near as flat as it was the last time and he could see some caves in the hills he saw in the distance. Starting the long walk towards them he started to shiver. He walked on and on for what seemed like forever, before he saw the hallucination, but this time it wasn't him, it was a face he thought he would never see again; it was his father.

"Ahh John it is good to see you again on this cold unforgiving planet. What do you think of my latest form?"

"What are you playing at this time? Do you think taking my father's form is going to make me think less of myself than I am?"

"Well John you disappointed this man when you ran off to join the air force and then when you left for the Pegasus Galaxy you didn't even bother to say goodbye. He doesn't even know where you are. You could be dead for all he knows."

John looked down at the ice, feeling guilty about that fact. Maybe when all this was over he would go back to earth and try and make amends, to put things right. Perhaps his father would be proud of what he had actually accomplished over the last three years; but maybe not.

"I believe he wanted it that way, from the conversation we had the last time we spoke, he told me that I wasn't his son and that he never wanted to see me again."

He watched as the hallucination turned into his brother Dave. "Dad really does think you're a loser, as do I, so don't bother coming home ever again," the figure of Dave told him with an evil glint in his eye.

John looked down at the ice again wishing it would swallow him up and that the darkness would claim him and he would never wake up again.

Very soon he got his wish as the ground began to shake and his muscles began to tremble, there was a high pitched sound and it was becoming louder. There was a loud crack as the ground gave way and he began to fall. The last thing he saw and heard, before the darkness claimed him was the hallucination beginning to fade, as it gave out an almighty scream, "Noooooo."

John closed his eyes and let the darkness claim him, maybe for the last time.

**TBC…**


	20. Chapter 20: There's always hope

**Chapter 20: There's always hope.**

Rodney entered the infirmary and looked around for one of the doctors; there wasn't one in sight, so fearing the worst he rushed down the hall to the ICU. He found Drs' Beckett and Keller fussing over John. He noticed Teyla standing on the other side of the bed holding his hand and speaking soothing words to him. "What's happening to him? "He asked his voice was high pitched bordering in panic.

Carson didn't look up from what he was doing when he answered, "His temperature has dropped from 105 to 94 degrees in the last twenty minutes. I really don't know how much more he can take of this, so unless you have a solution I suggest you go away and find it."

"Well I have actually, this device produces soundwaves at a frequency that shouldn't be harmful to John or any of us, but it should kill of the other brain wave pattern in John's head." Rodney told them holding up a strange looking device.

"Do you know that for a fact, Rodney, or is it just speculation?" Carson asked, finally looking up from his patient.

"It will definitely work, the ancients used it often when they sent the wrong people to the testing ground and it was always 100% accurate."

"Fancy that the ancients admitting they made mistakes and sent the wrong people to their little science experiment," Carson replied with anger.

Teyla walked around the bed and Rodney felt her touch his shoulder, "Will it take long to set up?" She asked softly.

"No I just have to attach this device to his head and it should activate with a thought from a strong ATA carrier. Seeing we're using the device on our strongest ATA carrier, I would suggest that Carson try and activate it."

"Great," Carson mumbled, before continuing. "Well set it up then Rodney?"

Rodney attached the device to Sheppard's head, as carefully as he could. He didn't want to disrupt any of the wires that were already there. "Okay, stand closer and think on?"

Carson did as Rodney asked and held out his hands towards John, closed his eyes and thought on. Nothing happened initially and then then a blue light enveloped John's head followed by a steady hum starting up.

Rodney and the others in the room watched in silence while the device did its work. Suddenly John's muscles started to convulse and he sat up and screamed, before the doctors had a chance to do anything about it, he fell back onto the bed with his eyes and mouth open. His eyes were lifeless and there was drool running down his chin.

"Oh my God!" Rodney exclaimed. "He has brain damage."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_John looked down at the ice again wishing it would swallow him up and that the darkness would claim him and he would never wake up again. _

_Very soon he got his wish as the ground began to shake and his muscles began to tremble, there was a high pitched sound and it was becoming louder. There was a loud crack as the ground gave way and he began to fall. The last thing he saw and heard, before the darkness claimed him was the hallucination beginning to fade, as it gave out an almighty scream, "noooooo."_

_John closed his eyes and let the darkness claim him, maybe for the last time._

He wasn't in the dark place for very long, before he was in intense pain. He felt his muscles begin to convulse and suddenly the pain became too much for him to bear, so he shot up in his bed and screamed and then fell lifelessly back to the bed. The pain lessened and he began to feel numb, laying there he tried to move his eyes or speak, but nothing came out. He tried again and still no sound came out.

He vaguely heard Rodney babbling on about someone having brain damage. He had no idea who that might be. Was Rodney talking about him; maybe he was? He tried talking again and a tiny squeak came out. Oh no Rodney is talking about me. He tried to move his head and it just wouldn't move. He tried looking around and his eyes wouldn't move, in fact no part of his body would move. One thing he did know was that his ears were working fine, so all he could do at the moment was, listen. So that's what he did he listened to the conversation going on around him, to try and work out what the hell was going on.

"Rodney we don't know what's going on. I will need to conduct some more tests." He recognised that voice, the Scottish accent was unmistakable; it was Carson.

Rodney spoke again in his high pitched panicked tone, "what is he's brain damaged, what will he do then? Will he have to go back to earth and live his life as a vegetable?"

Carson sounded totally frustrated with Rodney by this time, "Rodney calm down, once everyone leaves I will run some scans and then we will know for sure. So I want everyone except Jennifer out."

He lay there and listened as people left the room, he felt a soft hand on his arm and a beautiful face leant down and kissed him on the cheek, "I will see you later John." He knew that face that was Teyla and he loved her. He listened as Teyla and Rodney left the room.

He was about to try and close his eyes, when he saw a pair of vibrant blue eyes looking at him, "John we're just going to take some brain scans, we'll be back in a minute with a portable EEG machine and then we'll be able to tell if there is any permanent damage okay?"

How the hell was he supposed to answer that, he couldn't even move his head and as for the drool running down his chin he really wished that someone would wipe his face. Jennifer must have heard me he thought, because she started wiping his chin and talking to him.

"We're going to try and get to the bottom of this Colonel Sheppard, so just sit tight and don't worry."

Sit tight, don't worry, well he was pretty sure he wasn't going anywhere soon and as for not worrying, he couldn't speak, or freaking move. What was he supposed to do stay calm, well that was definitely never going to happen. What if he could never speak or move again, what then? Would he be sent back to Earth to some VA hospital, with a bunch of old guys who needed constant care? Hell he'd be one of those guys who needed constant care. He really felt like screaming, so he opened his mouth to try and all that came out was a tiny squeak again. He was really beginning to become tired, so he tried closing his eyes and to his surprise it worked. Letting his eyes droop closed he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth sat in her office, looking around at the tired faces before her. It had been a difficult day and Elizabeth had her two doctors and the rest of John's team in her office, she needed to know what was going on with John. "Okay Doctor Beckett what can you tell me?"

"Well about two hours ago, we used a device on Colonel Sheppard that was supposed to eliminate the foreign brain pattern, but when it was activated it caused a massive seizure. He opened his eyes and was awake for a while, before he closed his eyes and went back to sleep. The only problem is when he awoke, he couldn't move. We did an EEG on him this afternoon and are monitoring him closely."

Elizabeth stared at Carson, not really wanting to ask the obvious question, because she was afraid of what the answer might be.

Teyla came to her rescue by asking the question for her. "Is there any brain damage Carson?"

"At this point his brain appears normal, but we really won't know anything more until he wakes up again. Even if there is damage, it doesn't mean that he won't be able to make a complete recovery. Stroke victims can quite often learn skills again that they have lost."

Elizabeth looked around at her friends in the room, none of this had been easy on any of them, but she also knew that the one it had been hardest on was John and she knew that he would need all of them for support in the coming days, weeks, months and possibly years.

"Keep me informed, you're dismissed," she told them all.

"I'm going back to my lab, to research the device further. Maybe there's something I missed?" Rodney announced.

"I'm going to sit with John. I want to be there for him when he wakes up." Teyla stated.

She watched them get up and leave the room and put her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. This wasn't good. What would she do without her military commander? If John was permanently brain damaged what would the SGC and IOA do. Lorne was very good when he had to fill in for Colonel Sheppard, but could he do the job on a permanent basis and if Lorne didn't do it, who would they get to do the job; Caldwell? She shuddered at the thought and closed her eyes and willed sleep to come.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla left Elizabeth's office and went straight to the ICU, entering she noticed that a nurse was sitting with him and talking quietly too him. "Is there any change?" Teyla asked.

"No I'm sorry he's still asleep."

"May I sit with him for a while?"

"Go ahead; I'll be in the main ward if you need anything."

"Thank you." Teyla sat down next to John's bed and held his hand; she had no idea what to do. Could he even hear her If she spoke to him? She had no idea, because he couldn't use his beautiful expressive hazel eyes. She decided to do the only thing she could think of to do and that was to sing the Athosian lullaby that her father had sung to her as a child. Starting to sing she closed her eyes for a few moments. When she looked down John was staring at her.

"John it is lovely to see you awake, are you able to communicate with me? Can you move any part of your body?"

She was surprised when he let out a strange grunt, "Did you say something John?"

He made the same grunting sound again. "That's excellent John; can you move any other part of your body?" She was rewarded with him blinking his eyes.

"I must go and tell Doctor Beckett, that you're beginning to move."

She got up, left the room and headed to Dr Beckett's office.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was lying in the darkness; he'd been here so many times recently that he wondered if it would ever end. He heard an angel singing in the distance, he'd heard the same angel many times recently and he wanted to see her face, he slowly opened his eyes and tried to look around, but he couldn't move. The lovely angel's face came into view and he realised that it was Teyla.

She spoke to him gently, "John it is lovely to see you awake, are you able to communicate with me? Can you move any part of your body?"

He tried to open his mouth and all that came out was a strange grunt. He heard her beautiful voice again, as she spoke to him, "Did you say something John?"

He managed to make the same strange grunting sound and then she spoke to him again, "That's excellent John, can you move any other part of your body?"

He tried really hard to move his eyes and found that he could blink with them.

"I must go and tell Doctor Beckett, that you're beginning to move."

Her face disappeared and he heard her, as she got up and left the room. He lay there in silence this was good news it meant that he would probably be able to speak again eventually and hopefully he would be able to move the rest of his body as well. He really hoped that was true, because he really didn't want to go back to earth, this was his home his family and friends were here and he really couldn't imagine living anywhere else at this point in his life.

His thoughts were disrupted by the sound of Teyla entering the room. He thought she was alone until Carson's face was peering over him.

"How are you feeling lad?" Carson asked him all the while looking at his face.

Concentrating really hard John tried to say something. He knew what he wanted to say, but it was difficult to get his mouth to form the words, closing his eyes, he managed to speak, "I…..Goo….Do…..c"

Wow he finally managed to speak, it sounded awful, but hooray he'd actually said something, hopefully things would get better from here. He tried again to talk and this time it was a little easier to get the sound out. "Te….y….l...a."

"Yes John I'm here," Teyla said softly moving into his view.

Now he had both of them looking down at him, he really wished that he could move his head, so that they would get out of his face."

He lay there frozen to the spot and listened to their conversation.

"What does this mean Doctor Beckett, will he be able to move again?"

"Aye I think it's a good sign. I think I'll contact Rodney and see if he's found out anything more about that device. I'll see you later lassie."

John listened as Carson left the room, when he was sure that he had gone, he tried to speak again, "T…e….y….l...a s…i...n...g?"

"Of course John would you like me to sing the song I was singing before?"

"Yesssss." Wow that was the first word he'd spoken that sounded normal, it was totally slurred, but it sounded almost normal.

He lay there and listened, as Teyla started to sing. He began to feel his eyelids drooping again and it wasn't long before he fell into a deep dreamless sleep. 

**TBC…**


	21. Chapter 21: Things are looking up

**Chapter 21: Things are looking up.**

Rodney headed straight to his lab after the meeting in Elizabeth's office; he really hoped that he could find something in the ancient data base that could help Sheppard. If he couldn't this was another thing that was his fault. Sheppard could be in a vegetable for the rest of his life, because he didn't do the proper research before using and ancient device. The whole situation leading to them having to use the device in the first place was totally his fault as well.

Before he realised it he had reached his lab and was standing outside the door, he was about to enter when the door opened, looking up he found Radek standing there. Radek seemed excited about something, so he had to ask, "Why are you so happy Radek."

"It turns out that the paralysis that Colonel Sheppard is suffering from is not permanent, it is merely a side effect of using the device."

Rodney stared at him, before beginning his rant, "a side effect of using the device, why the hell didn't the ancients mention it? It seems like a pretty big side effect to me. You would have thought they would have put a warning in the data base."

"Well Rodney they did, it was at the bottom of the page, but maybe you were in such a hurry to use the device you didn't see it?"

"Great, so this is just another thing that is my fault, way to go Radek, just make me feel worse than I already did."

I'm sorry Rodney that wasn't my intention; I just thought that you might like to know, so you can let Carson know."

"Do you have any idea how long the paralysis will last?"

"That part isn't on the first page, so we may have to dig a little further."

"Oh thanks, maybe I'll contact Carson and let him know," he told him, before tapping his earpiece.

"McKay to Beckett, come in?"

"_Aye Rodney I'm here, what can you tell me?"_

"It appears that Sheppard's paralysis is only temporary."

"_How long before he's back to normal?"_

"I don't know as yet, I'll get back to you on that."

"_Okay keep me informed, Beckett out."_

"Will do, McKay out"

Rodney sat down at his computer next to Radek and started to look through the data base, he really needed to know what was going on as quickly as possible. He owed it to Sheppard to let him know the truth and when all this was over he owed him a huge apology.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Teyla was still sitting for John and holding his hand, he had been asleep for about four hours now and she hadn't left his side in all that time. She had decided that she was going to be there for him not matter what, even if he was paralysed for the rest of his life. She loved him no matter what and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

She was just falling asleep when she felt a pressure on her hand, wondering what it was. She looked down and noticed that John was awake and looking at her with his expressive hazel eyes, "John did you just squeeze my hand?" She asked him, with a smile.

"Yesss." He answered, his speech still slurred.

"Can you do it again?"

"Yesss," he told her and squeezed her hand again. It was actually harder than the last time he had done it.

"Well done John. Do you think you can move any other part of your body?"

She watched him closely for signs of movement and was rewarded with him slowly turning his head to face her. The corner of his mouth turned up in half a smile.

"John it is really good that you are beginning to move, I must let Carson know."

"What do you need to let me know?" Carson asked entering the room.

"John was able to squeeze my hand and turn his head."

"Well that is excellent progress Colonel; I have some good news for you as well."

"Rodney has just contacted me and told me that the paralysis isn't permanent. He's still looking in the ancient data base to find out how long your recovery will be, but we hope that eventually you should be back to 100% normal."

Teyla smiled and squeezed John's hand again, "that is good news Dr Beckett."

John squeezed her hand and spoke, "Thankssss." He slurred out.

"We'll do everything to help you son, now I think you should get some more rest Colonel. I'll be in my office if you need anything Teyla."

"Thankyou Dr Beckett."

She watched as he left the room and then she looked down at John again. She was pleasantly surprised when he smiled at her using his whole mouth.

She watched as he struggled to speak again, "Stay." He said, sounded much more normal this time.

"Yes John I will stay, go to sleep and I will be here when you wake up."

She watched as his eyes drooped and finally closed. She sat there for a while longer watching his breathing even out, when she was sure he was asleep, she curled up on the bed next to his and fell asleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rodney and Radek had been in their lab for three hours when he found the information they were looking for. He looked at his computer in shock at what he had just read, as it wasn't very helpful. Looking up he caught Radek staring at him, "Why are you looking at me like that Radek?" He asked.

"What have you found Rodney? You've got that look on your face, the one that say's I've found something, but I don't like it."

"Well it appears that although the effects of the device aren't permanent, recovery time can be anything from two weeks to a year."

"Why would it be any different from one person to another?"

"It depends on the person's DNA."

"Okay Rodney, do you know what Colonel Sheppard's chances of recovering quickly are?"

"No I'll actually have to do some more research to find that out."

"Well let's get to it then."

Rodney was about to look down at his computer again and do some more research when he notice Radek standing up and heading out the door, "Where are you going Radek, we still have a lot of work to do?"

"I'm going to get a plate of sandwiches and then I'll make some fresh coffee."

"Thanks Radek," he told him looking down at his data base again.

It didn't take him long to find the answer he was looking for, he was so excited that he rushed out of his room and headed for the ICU, he knew he had to tell Sheppard now. He should probably tell Elizabeth or Carson first, but he thought that he owed it to Sheppard to let him know first and he knew that he needed to give him a long overdue apology as well.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John was lying there in the darkness, he was totally awake and aware, but he felt that he didn't want to open his eyes right now. He was comfortable in the darkness, as it matched his mood right now. He felt a deep sense of depression coming over him, but the last thing he wanted to do was let anyone know, because he knew that he would have to talk to Heightmeyer if he did. He'd managed to avoid talking to her up until now and he had every intention of keeping it that way.

He lay there enjoying the peace and quiet, until he heard someone enter the room, he knew that it wasn't Teyla, because she had left half an hour to go and have some proper rest. He lay there and kept his eyes closed pretending to be asleep, because he really didn't want to talk to anyone right now; not that he could talk even if he wanted too.

"Hey Sheppard are you awake?"

Dam it was McKay, did he really want to talk to him? Probably not, but even if he did, he couldn't talk to him anyway, because thanks to Rodney he couldn't move or speak. He lay there still pretending to be asleep hoping that he would go away and leave him alone. No such luck, because Rodney started to speak again.

"Sheppard if you're awake, I just want to tell you that the paralysis you're experiencing isn't permanent and you should fully recover within four to six weeks. Well from the paralysis, but your other injuries may take a bit longer"

Not helping McKay, I really wish you would go away right now and let me sleep, is what he would have said if he could open his mouth.

"Sheppard, I'm really sorry about what happened to you, it was entirely my fault. If I hadn't insisted on us going to the ruins, you wouldn't have been attacked by homicidal hallucinations and if I hadn't have been so quick to use the device on you to try and eliminate the other brainwave pattern in your head, you wouldn't be paralysed right now. I know that I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but you have to believe that I'm really sorry."

John sighed, he really needed to talk to his friend and let him know that it was okay, but wait he couldn't, because he couldn't talk. He thought that he should give it a try anyway, so he opened his eyes and turned his head as much as he could to face Rodney and opened his mouth to see what came out. "It'sss okayyy Rodney." Wow that totally surprised him three words and they were hardly slurred at all.

"Sheppard you are awake, I don't know if you heard everything I just said, but I totally meant it."

John didn't know what to do next, he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with all the mushy conversation and really wanted to end it, but seeing he could hardly speak he didn't know how. He was saved by Carson entering the room.

"Colonel Sheppard I see you're awake and have company?"

John managed to nod and speak one word, "yes."

Rodney spoke to Carson in and excited manner, "Carson the paralysis should be totally gone in four to six weeks. What about his other injuries?"

"Well he'll have a cast on his wrist for another four weeks, the gunshot wound on his arm is healing nicely and shouldn't cause too many problems and the wound in his side is healing nicely. The only problem may be with the gunshot wounds to his legs, he may still require physical therapy before he can walk again."

John lay there listening to his list of injuries and started to get depressed again, his mood had lifted for a while when Rodney had told him that the paralysis was only temporary, but now when he thought of the long road to recovery he had ahead of him he wasn't happy. He decided that he wanted to go to sleep again, so he tried to make his intentions known to his friends, "sleep now."

"Aye that's probably a good idea. Are you in any pain son?" Carson asked, rubbing his shoulder.

Surprisingly he wasn't, so he just shook his head slightly. Talking was hard work right now and he really was getting tired.

"Okay lad, I'll be in my office, I'll come and check on you soon."

"See you later Sheppard," Rodney told him, as he headed out of the door.

He watched Carson leave and closed his eyes again and felt tears brimming in the corner of them. He really didn't want to cry, but this whole situation was wearing a bit thin, it'd been nearly three weeks now since they had gone to the ruins and his situation didn't seem to be getting better in a hurry.

He was just about to drift off to sleep when he heard someone enter the room, he immediately knew who it was by the soft footsteps and the perfume; it was Teyla.

"Are you okay John?" She asked him holding his hand.

He looked at her and tried to stop the tears in his eyes from falling, but it was too late she had seen them.

"Do not worry John I am here for you now and I always will be," she told him leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.

"Sing Teyla."

Teyla started to sing the lovely Athosian lullaby that she had been singing to him since he had been in the infirmary, he closed his eyes and very soon he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

**TBC…**

**I had to throw a few tears in, because I don't think John, as strong as he is, could go through everything he has gone through, without a bit of depression.**


	22. Chapter 22: Not happy

**Chapter 22: Not happy.**

John was still lying in his infirmary bed and he was really beginning to feel fed up, he'd been in the infirmary for nearly five weeks now and he had no idea how long it would be until he was able to leave the place.

The last two weeks had been particularly hard on him, as he continued to gain control over his muscles. He needed help with simple things like eating, he almost died of shock when Elizabeth and Teyla had offered to help him eat, there was no way he was letting his boss feed him and as for Teyla this wasn't the time. His speech was improving at a considerably faster rate, so much so that it was almost back to normal. His legs were still a bit of an issue though, as the gunshot wounds were taking their time to heal and his legs were still not moving, despite daily physical therapy on them. The worst part of the whole ordeal was that Beckett had made him talk to Heightmeyer a few days ago; well she did most of the talking, because there was absolutely no way he was going to tell her anything. He was supposed to see her again in a few days' time to determine if he was emotionally well enough to leave the infirmary and return to his quarters. There was still no way he was going to discuss anything with her, he would talk to his friends when he was good and ready to talk.

He had no idea where his friends were today, because he hadn't seen them all morning and he was beginning to feel abandoned by them.

He was just about to close his eyes and go back to sleep; not because he was tired, but out of total boredom, when Teyla and Carson entered the room.

"Hey laddie how are you doing?" Carson asked, in his annoyingly Scottish accent, which normally didn't bother him, but at the moment everything irritated him.

"Do you really expect me to answer that question?" He answered grumpily.

"John how would you like to go to the East Pier for a while, we can have lunch there." Teyla asked him with a smile, which lit up her face.

"Why not," he answered shortly.

Carson left the room all the while talking in a loud voice, which irritated John immensely, "Okay then laddie, I'll go and get a wheelchair and then we can leave."

"John, are you alright?" Teyla asked him softly, after Carson had left the room.

"I'm just getting really frustrated, I'm slowly getting better which is a good thing, but it's not quick enough. Although I can communicate effectively now, I still can't have a shower, go to the bathroom and I can barely eat by myself."

"I understand John, but you will be back to normal eventually. Just let your friends be there for you until then."

"I know, but it still doesn't change how frustrated I feel right now, do you know that I have to see Heightmeyer again, before Carson will even consider releasing me to my quarters and you know how I feel about talking to her?"

"I do not know what to say John, Carson is only trying to look out for you."

John sighed and looked up at her, "I know, but it still doesn't make it any easier."

Just then Carson arrived with the wheelchair and spoke to him rather loudly, "here we go Colonel. Do you need some help?"

John just glared at him, "what do you think Doc and do you think you can stop shouting, as I can feel a headache coming on?"

"Do you still want to go out to lunch?" Carson asked him looking concerned.

John could feel his anger levels rising, "yes Doctor Beckett, just give me some Tylenol and then I'll be alright."

"Okay let's get you into the wheelchair and then I'll get you something."

John let Teyla and Carson, help him sit up and put a robe on. They then helped him into the wheelchair and he watched as Teyla placed a blanket over his legs, he tried his best to remain calm the whole time, he was really sick of this and he wanted them to stop fussing over him all the time.

He took some deep breaths to calm down, before Teyla grabbed the handles of the chair and pushed him out of the room.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth looked at the scene surrounding her. She along with Teyla had organised a surprise pizza party for John and his friends out on the east pier. She knew that John was feeling frustrated at being couped up in the infirmary for so long, so she decided that it was time to do something nice to try and cheer him up. Carson and Kate had agreed that it was a good idea.

Now that everything was arranged they were waiting for John to arrive, Teyla and Carson had gone to get John a few minutes earlier and Carson was going to let them know when they were on their way so that they could hide.

"Elizabeth when is Colonel Calamity going to get here, the Pizza will start going cold and my hypoglycaemia will start acting up?" Rodney complained loudly.

"Now don't be unkind Rodney I'm sure that they'll be here as soon as they can."

She held up her hand to indicate to Rodney, not to talk any longer and tapped her earpiece.

"Yes Carson it's Elizabeth here."

"_We're on our way and we should be there in about five minutes, Carson out."_

"Okay we'll see you in five, Elizabeth out."

She looked around at Rodney and Ronan who were standing nearby and told them to hide. Finding a hiding spot of her own, she waited quietly for the guest of honour to arrive.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John sat silently, as he was wheeled through the corridors of Atlantis. There were very few people in the corridors and those that they saw acknowledged him with a smile and a quick hello or nod of the head. He was grateful for that, because he really didn't want to talk to any of his men right now. He knew that Lorne had been doing a brilliant Job since he had been injured, but his men still respected him and wanted him back in command as soon as possible. He wondered if that would ever happen, he'd been out of action for five weeks now and he had no idea how much longer he would be sidelined. Carson had said that it would be at least another six weeks; possibly longer, depending on the paralysis in his legs.

He was jostled out of his thoughts when they stopped and Teyla came around to kneel in front of him, "are you ready John?" She asked him softly.

"Sure."

He felt himself moving again as Carson grabbed the handles of the chair and pushed him out onto the East Pier.

Arriving on the pier, he looked around hoping to see his friends. He felt a little disappointed that they weren't there, he was sure that they would all be there to try and cheer him up, he was about to tell Carson to take him back to the infirmary, when Rodney, Ronan and Elizabeth all jumped out from separate hiding places and yelled, "surprise."

A smile spread across his face when he saw them, wheeling tables full of Pizza and beer out of the shadows, Rodney came over and offered him one. "Doc can I have one," he asked Carson, putting on his best puppy dog look.

"Of course you can son," Carson told him with a chuckle.

He looked at each of his friends and was thankful for them, they all cared for him in their own way and if John had to guess who had organised this for him, he would have guessed Elizabeth; with help from Teyla of course.

"Thanks guys, you have no idea how much I need this."

"Oh I think we have a fair idea," Elizabeth told him with a twinkle in her eye.

Rodney spoke up at that moment in his usually abrasive tone, "when are we going to eat, I'm starving?"

"There's, no surprises there," John quipped.

"Let us eat then," Teyla suggested handing a piece of pizza to John.

John was extremely happy until he tried to pick his pizza up and put it in his mouth, his left wrist was still in a cast and the muscles in his right arm were still acting up, from the paralysis he'd suffered. Picking the pizza up and putting it up to his mouth, his arm started to cramp up and he managed to drop it on the floor. He really felt like having a temper tantrum at that point, but thought better of it. He would have a meltdown when he was alone later. He was startled out of his thoughts, when Teyla offered him another piece of pizza.

"No thanks Teyla, I just need to wait until the muscles in my arm stop cramping and then I'll try again."

"Would you like some help John?"

He felt totally horrified at what she'd just suggested and he was sure it showed on his face, as much as he loved Teyla there was absolutely no way he was going to let her feed him in public.

"No thanks sweetie, but I will have a beer."

He took hold of the beer that she passed him and held it still, waiting for the muscles in his arm to settle down, looking up he caught Carson staring at him, "Is there something wrong Dr Beckett?" He asked him, trying to remain calm.

"Do you need any help Colonel?"

Barley holding it together, he looked around at his friends and spoke as calmly as he could under the circumstances, "no thankyou Dr Beckett and for everyone else who's staring at me at the moment, I am fine, so why don't you just go about _enjoying_ yourself and _stop worrying_ about me!"

He glared at them until they all turned around and got back to what they were doing. Once he was satisfied that no one was staring at him any longer, he tried to take a sip of his beer, but like before when he tried to put the beer up to his mouth the muscles in his arm started to cramp up. Not only did the muscles in his arm cramp up, but the muscles in his back joined in, he felt the beer bottle slip out of his hand and crash to the floor, as he doubled over in agony.

Carson was by his side in a flash, "John, are you okay, what hurts?"

"Back, arm…muscles," was all he managed to tell him, as the pain was relentless.

"Okay let's get you back to the infirmary and then I can give you some muscle relaxants and some pain meds."

He barely noticed Carson move to the back of the chair and start pushing him back to the infirmary, he was in too much pain. He didn't notice the trip to the infirmary, because all he felt was the all-encompassing pain of the muscle spasms rippling across his back, he was praying that he would pass out long before it was over, but no such luck. They arrived in the infirmary and Carson and Ronan tried to help him back into the bed, but that just made the pain worse. Once he was settled he felt Carson quickly insert an IV again and then he felt a cool soothing liquid flow through his veins. In took about five minutes, before the pain started to disappear, but he could still feel the muscle spasms in his back.

"Thanks Doc," he told his friend as he felt his eyelids drooping and then he fell into a deep sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson was sitting in Elizabeth's office again along with Kate and Elizabeth, he had called a meeting to discuss Colonel Sheppard's mood again. He'd been watching him at the pizza party and although initially he'd seemed happy, he started to get frustrated when his body started to betray him and then he lashed out at his friends. He'd tried to remain remarkably calm, but Carson knew his friend too well. He was peacefully sleeping with Teyla by his side when he had left the infirmary and he hoped when John woke up he would be in a better mood and in less pain.

"How is he Carson?" Elizabeth asked him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"He's asleep for now, but when he wakes up I don't know what kind of mood he'll be in."

"Carson, is he well enough to be released to his quarters if someone stays with him at all times?" Kate asked softly.

"Physically he'll do fine, but I'm not sure about his emotional moods right now, that is why I wanted you to talk to him again, before I consider releasing him to his quarters."

Kate stood up and went to stand in front of Carson, "I will speak to him again, but I actually think that the best thing for him right now would be to be in his own quarters, surrounded by his friends. He's embarrassed by the fact that he can hardly do anything for himself. It would be best if as few people, as possible saw him in this state. I think it will also give him the opportunity to open up to those people who he feels most comfortable with. I will speak to him tomorrow morning and then we'll decide if it's a good idea to send him home."

Carson looked up at Kate and Elizabeth, who were standing beside him, "aye I agree."

"Okay sounds like a plan keep me informed, you're dismissed," Elizabeth told the two doctors.

Carson left Elizabeth's office and headed straight back to the infirmary to check on John. He'd only been gone for half an hour, but he was still worried about him. Arriving at the infirmary, he headed to the back where John's private room was. Looking through the window he was pleased to see that John was still sleeping peacefully and Teyla was sitting next to him speaking gently to him. Sighing he headed back to his office to do some paperwork. He hoped that tomorrow would be a better day for everyone.

TBC…


	23. Chapter 23: Escape from the infirmary

**Chapter 23: Escape from the infirmary.**

John was sitting looking at his disgusting eggs, which he was supposed to be eating with a rather large spoon. He knew he was supposed to eat, but what he wouldn't give for some pancakes right now. Apparently they were not on the infirmaries menu for the sick and injured, if you were visiting you could eat whatever the hell you liked, but if you were stuck in here for an extended period of time the medical staff thought it was a good idea to torture you with extremely bland and unappetising food.

He looked up when he heard the sound of someone entering to room; he was not at all surprised to see that it was Carson with Heightmeyer in tow.

Plastering a fake smile on his face he asked them, "What can I do for you today Doctors?"

"Colonel, Kate would like to talk to you, before we release you to your quarters."

"What if I don't want to talk to Kate, Carson?" His tone was like ice.

"Well you won't be going back to your quarters today." Carson told him forcefully.

"Carson, can you please leave us alone?" Kate asked him, not taking her eyes off John.

John watched as Carson left the room and then looked at Kate with his mouth closed, there was no way he was going to say anything to her.

"Colonel Sheppard I am not here to get you to open up about your feelings, believe me I know that you're not going to tell me anything even if I wanted you too."

Looking at her he felt very confused, "why are you here then Doc?"

"I'm here to give you some guidelines if we release you to your quarters."

Looking at her suspiciously, he nodded his head, "okay Doc."

"The number one thing I want you to do is to trust your friends and let them help you. It may be a while before you can do everything yourself."

He nodded in understanding, "okay."

"The second thing I want you to do is probably the most important, you really need to talk to someone about what you have been through recently, you were tortured by hallucinations to see if you were worthy enough, you were called a half-blood and tortured for that and then finally when we tried to shut down the program, which was responsible for everything, you were left completely paralysed. I think it's safe to assume you're feeling a lot of emotional stress right now and you need to deal with it before you move on."

He stared at her not really wanting to listen to anymore of her psychobabble right now, "have you finished Doc, because I really want to get out of here."

"Colonel, did you hear a word I said."

"Yes I have to let my friends help me and I have to talk to them about the crap I've been through lately as well."

"Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes I will give it a go, now can I get out of here?"

"If Carson says it's okay, I don't see any reason why you should stay here any longer."

"Thanks Doc."

"Colonel, remember what we've discussed here today, it will certainly help with your recovery and you will need my recommendation, before you return to active duty."

He nodded and watched her leave the room. Hooray he was going back to his quarters after five weeks, he still couldn't do anything, but at least he would be away from this place.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson was sitting in his office staring at his computer, he had been on duty for the last three hours and so far, it had been a relatively quiet day in the infirmary, other than Colonel Sheppard still being there, Lt Smith had been in with a sprained wrist, which he had sustained through sparring with Ronan. Looking up he saw Kate entering his office, "how is he?" He asked her with concern.

"I believe that he needs to go back to his quarters, he won't begin to heal emotionally while he is here. I standby what I said last night, he needs to deal with this in private, with those that are closest to him surrounding him for support. I would still like to talk to him again, but I think I'll leave it a couple of weeks to give him the opportunity to open up to his friends."

"Okay I'll check his physical injuries after lunch and I'll talk to his friends about setting up a roster, to keep an eye on him and help him out. "

"Let me know how that all goes," Kate told him, leaving the room.

Carson sighed; he knew that it was time to talk to John's friends, if he was going to release him today he knew that he needed to have his friends on board. Tapping his earpiece he contacted Elizabeth, "Beckett to Weir, come in please?"

"_Go ahead Carson."_

"Can you assemble John's team in your office, I want to release him this afternoon and I need to set up a roster, so that there is someone with him at all times."

"_I'll try and set it up for and hours' time, Weir out."_

"Let me know if there are any problems, Beckett out."

Carson sighed again and headed off to John's room to let him know what was happening, he wasn't looking forward to the conversation he needed to have with him, but he needed to say his piece. He entered John's room to find him staring at the ceiling, he was sure that he was awake, so he walked right up to the side of his bed. "Colonel Sheppard, we need to talk."

"Sure Doc what do you want to talk about, are you here to tell me what Heightmeyer has already told me?" he drawled in reply.

"I am willing to release you to your quarters, but under the guidelines that Kate has already set."

"Sure Doc, I've already told Heightmeyer that I will follow your rules, so when can I get out of here?"

Carson sighed, the Colonel was not in a very good mood as usual, but who could blame him, he'd been stuck in the infirmary for five weeks now, "I will release you after lunch, Teyla can take you home."

"Thanks Doc," John told him while continuing to stare at the ceiling.

Carson sighed, as he left the room, John still had a long road to recovery, but he hoped that by releasing him to his quarters his recovery would speed up significantly.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

Elizabeth sat in her office staring at the faces of the people around her, It had been a long hard five weeks for everyone, she knew the reason they were all here and she knew that whatever they did next in regards to Colonel Sheppard would make his situation better or worse, looking over at Carson she asked in a concerned tone, "have you decided to release Colonel Sheppard to his quarters?"

"Yes Kate and I feel that it would be best for him to recover in privacy surrounded by his friends, that's why I've asked you all here. I don't want him left alone, for the next few weeks, he may need help to do the things we take for granted for a while yet. As his team and family, I will need you to set up a roster to look after him. I know he will wine and complain about it, but I know that the three of you are the ones who will help him the most. He really needs to open up to someone as well, so do your best to try and get him to open up, but don't push him, otherwise he will close up."

"Carson I will take the first shift and escort him to his quarters, when you release him from the infirmary," Teyla suggested with a determined look on her face.

"Aye I think that will be a good idea luv."

"Okay Teyla, Rodney and Ronan work out amongst yourselves who is going to keep an eye on him and when and let Carson know," looking at Carson, Elizabeth nodded and asked him if there was anything they needed to know.

"No I think we've covered everything for now."

"Okay you're all dismissed and Carson, please keep me informed."

He nodded as he got up to leave the room. She sat there watching her friends leave her office. Putting her elbows on the table, she put her head in her hands and groaned, she had been without her military commander for five weeks now and she had no idea how long it was going to be until he was back on active duty. Rubbing her temples, she groaned again, as she felt a headache coming on.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was lunch time and John was sitting up in his bed again staring at an unappetising cup of broth, with some toast on the side and there was Jello for desert. He sighed and pushed the broth aside and started eating his toast.

He knew that Carson was going to release him to his quarters after lunch and he was happy about that, the only problem was that he was supposed to have a member of his team with him at all times to keep an eye on him. On one hand that really bothered him, but on the other hand it would be nice to spend some private time with Teyla in particular. They hadn't had much time to discuss their relationship in the last five weeks and he was really keen to move forward.

Finishing his toast he picked up the jello and took a few mouthfuls and decided that he really wasn't that hungry. He hoped that now he was getting out of the infirmary his friends would be able to find him some decent food. Carson was beginning to harass him about is weight, he had become dangerously thin since he had been in the infirmary, but he kept asking Carson how the hell was he supposed to put on weight when the food was so unappetising. Carson would give him some long winded approach about how bland foods were the best thing for his stomach at the moment, but he'd been in the infirmary for five weeks, so how much longer would it be before his stomach could handle normal food?

He was brought back to the present by someone entering the room, looking up he saw Carson with a tray full of medical supplies and a bottle of pills.

"Okay Doc, I've eaten when can I get out of here?"

"Just let me check you over and then I'll let you leave, I've want you back in the infirmary in a week's time and I'll take the cast of your wrist and give you another check-up."

"Sure Doc, can we just get it over with?" He said, his patience wearing thin.

"Okay I'm going to start with your side, that wound should almost be healed by now, so I'm not really worried about that one. It's your legs that are taking a bit longer to heal and I'm guessing that's why the paralysis is still persisting as well."

John lay back on the bed while Carson poked and prodded every part of his body, he yelped when he touched a particularly tender spot on his thigh, "Doc can you please stop poking and prodding me _I'll be fine_!" he was really beginning to lose patience by this time.

Just as he was about to explode Teyla walked into the room with some clothes and a wheel chair. "Teyla I'm so glad you're here, maybe the Doc can stop torturing me now and let me get dressed," he stated glaring at Carson.

"Okay Laddie, everything seems to be okay, remember to try and practice standing, it will help when we try to get you walking in a weeks' time. I'll send your pain medication and some anti-inflammatories along with you, in case you have any problems with your back."

"Sure Doc, can I please leave now?" He was desperate by this time and he was sick of everyone barking orders at him, he just wanted to go to his quarters and recover in peace; he knew that wasn't going to happen though, because his friends were going to watch him at all times.

"Yes get dressed and then Teyla can take you home."

He watched with relief as Carson left the room, Teyla was about to leave too, "please stay Teyla I may need some help getting changed?" He smiled at her, as she turned to look at him.

"Are you sure John, I thought that you may like some privacy?"

"Yes I'm sure, I definitely think I may need some help with my useless legs."

"Let me know what to do."

John managed to get his gown off and his t-shirt on his self, when it came to getting his track pants on he hung his legs over the side of the bed, "I'll need you to put the pants on over my ankles and then pull them up to my knees, I may need to lean on you to pull them up though."

Once Teyla had the pants pulled up to his knees, he stood up shakily and put most of his weight on Teyla, he then managed to pull them up; he took his time though, because he really enjoyed being close to Teyla.

When he'd finished dressing, Teyla helped him into the wheel chair and went behind him to take the handles. Pushing him out of the door he had one last look around at the room that had been his home for almost five weeks now, "let's get out of her Teyla," he practically begged her with that sentence.

He kept his head down as he was pushed down the hall towards his quarters, he really didn't want to see anyone right now, he just wanted to go back to bed and sleep and when he woke up hopefully this nightmare would finally be over.

Arriving at the quarters, he thought the doors open and was relieved to see that nothing had changed, Teyla pushed him over to his bed a folded back the covers and helped him in.

"Thanks Teyla," he said closing his eyes, he was surprised at how much effort that it had taken getting from the infirmary to his quarters.

"Go to sleep now John, I will sit here with you and then when you awake, Rodney and Ronan will be coming by with dinner for us all."

He looked up at her and smiled and got the shock of his life when she leant down to kiss him on the lips. It really shouldn't have been a surprise, but he'd wanted to do that again ever since they had kissed on the balcony after he first woke up.

He closed his eyes with a smile that lit up his face, very soon he felt himself drifting into a deep dreamless sleep.

**TBC…**

**This may seem like a filler chapter, but I really needed to get John back to his quarters. I'm thinking that there will be on or two more chapters.**


	24. Chapter 24:Feelings of isolation

**Chapter 24: Feelings of isolation**

John was drifting on the edge of consciousness, he wasn't really asleep and he wasn't really awake. He felt really comfortable in this place, there wasn't much pain and his mind was so relaxed that he didn't have to worry about anything. He knew when he woke up he would have to face a whole heap of crap, so this place was much better.

He lay there quietly enjoying the peace and quiet until he heard a rather loud voice complaining.

"Why the hell is he asleep, surely that's all he's done for the last five weeks?"

"Rodney please be quiet Carson says that it is good for him to rest as much as possible this week, because he'll need to be getting on his feet next week." Teyla spoke to him quietly.

"Don't worry Teyla I'm awake now. Who could sleep with all the noise that's going on in here?"

"Ah Sheppard, it's great to see you awake, you don't really need any more sleep do you sleeping beauty? Rodney asked him sarcastically.

"Not helping McKay," John, was still not happy despite the fact that he was back in his quarters surrounded by his friends, although Rodney meant well he wasn't really in the mood for his jokes right now, which always had something to do with his looks or his ancient gene. Right now he wasn't impressed with his ancient gene, it had gotten him into trouble again and that always seemed to be the case. If it wasn't a device blowing up in his face, he was judged for it, by either the ancients or some enemy of the ancients. At the moment he really hoped that Beckett could find a way to eliminate it; if he could create the gene artificially then surely he'd be able to do the opposite. He knew that he would ask him at the first available opportunity.

He felt someone tapping him on the shoulder, which brought him out of his thoughts. Looking around he noticed that his three friends were staring at him, "What?" He asked glaring at them.

"You zoned out for a minute," Rodney told him, still staring at him.

"Sorry guys I was just wondering what was for dinner?"

Teyla sat next to him on the bed and she took his hand, "Are you sure you are okay John."

"I'm fine, what's for dinner?"

"Chicken casserole and chocolate pudding for dessert," Teyla told him with a smile.

"Great let's eat."

He watched as his friends, set his food on the rolling table and wheeled it over to his bed and then Teyla helped him sit up with pillows behind his back.

The food was actually pretty good, much better than he'd been given in the infirmary. He ate most of the bowl he'd been given; using a rather large spoon again. That was really beginning to get old. When he was first regaining control of his muscles after the Paralysis he'd had trouble grasping things, so basically he had to learn to use a spoon again, but that was two weeks ago, when would someone give him a normal spoon? He pushed the table away once he had finished with his casserole.

Teyla took the bowl of the table and placed the chocolate pudding on it and then she pushed it toward him and handed him another large spoon and that was about all he could take, he grabbed the spoon and the pudding and threw it across the room, "when the hell is someone going to give me a proper spoon?"

He sat glaring at his friends, revelling in their shocked faces, "is someone going to get me a proper spoon and some more chocolate pudding or not and make sure you clean the mess up on your way out?" His tone was controlled, but there was clearly anger burning inside of him.

Teyla came and sat next to him, but he didn't want any part of it, he knew that he loved Teyla, but right now he wanted to be left alone in his own self-pity, no one understood what he was going through.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself before the next words came out of his mouth, "I would like everyone to leave me alone now, take the rest of you dinner and go." He turned over in his bed, so that he was looking away from the group.

He heard them leave and tried to close his eyes, but he could feel the hot tears brimming in his eyes. This was one of the worst things he'd ever experienced right up there with being fed on by a wraith or turning into a bug. After turning into a bug and being fed on by the Wraith he was able to pick right up where he left off and just keep going, why couldn't he do it this time? Maybe it was time he went back to earth and retired from the air force. He didn't know how much longer he could keep doing this. He had no idea what he would do if he went back to earth, but he would make his way, as he always had. Finally he let the tears fall, he felt more isolated and alone now than he ever had. Closing his eyes he tried to stop the tears and eventually he fell into a restless sleep.

He awoke sometime later to the tap, tap, tap of someone's keyboard, he knew immediately who it was; it was McKay, "what the hell are you doing here McKay?"

"It was my turn to sit with you and by the way Teyla came back and cleaned up the mess you made."

He looked around groggily, "how long was I asleep?"

"About five hours."

"How the hell did you get back in my quarters anyway McKay?"

"I used the emergency override."

"Well you don't have to sit with me; you can go back to whatever it is you were doing, I'm sure it is much more important than babysitting the poor broken Colonel."

"Why do you keep saying things like that, you are not broken, you've just had a hard time of things lately."

"Yes and do you know why? It's because of something you've always been jealous of me for and there have always been two things you're jealous of, one of them is my looks and the other one is my ancient gene. Well you know what, I wish I didn't have that gene; it has caused me trouble more times than I can count and when I get out of here, I'm asking Beckett to eliminate it, if he can and then I'm going back to Earth. I have no idea what I'll do, but I'll never have to see you again." John had worked himself into a real rage by the end of his rant. He knew that he'd probably hurt Rodney, but he didn't care.

"Shout at me if you want Sheppard, but running away won't solve anything."

"Just shut-up Rodney, you can stay or you can go, I don't really care, but don't talk to me."

He rolled over on his side and closed his eyes again. It didn't take him long to fall into a restless sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Elizabeth entered the mess hall looking for a late night snack, looking around she noticed that Ronan and Teyla were sitting at a table overlooking the ocean, grabbing a sandwich and some fruit she headed over to sit with them.

"How's John," she asked sitting down next to Teyla.

"He is very frustrated at the moment; there was an incident in his quarters. He wasn't happy by the large spoon we gave him for his chocolate pudding so he threw his dessert and the spoon across the room and told us to get out." Teyla told her, with tears brimming in her eyes.

Elizabeth patted her hand to try and comfort her, "who is with him now?"

"McKay," Ronan grumbled.

Elizabeth sighed; she knew that her next suggestion would be met with disagreement from the two people sitting at the table, "do you think he needs to talk to Kate?"

It was Teyla who answered her, "just give him time to open up to us; I know that he will eventually. He has been through a lot in the past few months and we will be there for him, it's what families' do, they are there for each other."

Elizabeth looked at her friend, the look in her eyes could only be described as determination, "I will give you two days and if he hasn't improved by then, I will have no choice but to refer him to Kate."

Ronan and Teyla both nodded.

"Well I have to go and sit with Sheppard," Ronan mumbled, getting up to leave.

"I must go and get some sleep, because I will need to sit with John first thing in the morning," Teyla announced standing up to follow Ronan out.

"Goodnight, Teyla, Ronan," Elizabeth told them, as she watched them leave.

Sighing she sat looking at the ocean thinking how peaceful it was out there, she wondered if she could find a boat and set sail on that ocean and leave all the cares and worries of Atlantis behind. Shaking her head and chuckling at her thoughts, she finished her snack in silence.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The next time John awoke there was silence around him, good he thought they've finally gone and left me alone. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, wondering what he was going to do with the rest of his life. He had convinced himself before he went to sleep that he wanted to leave Atlantis and start a new life, maybe back on Earth or maybe somewhere in the Pegasus Galaxy, he didn't really know where. Perhaps it didn't matter, maybe all he needed was some time to just be him and not have to worry about anyone else, but himself for a change. New Athos would be a nice place to stay for a while, maybe he could do that.

Suddenly he felt a presence in the room, it totally freaked him out and he could feel the hairs on his arms standing on end, until it spoke. "Sheppard, buddy are you awake?"

"Hey Ronan how long have you been sitting there?"

"About an hour, or so."

"So you've just been watching me sleep? He asked, feeling a little disturbed by that thought.

"You looked quite restless, are you okay Sheppard?"

"_I'm fine. _Why does everyone keep asking me if I'm okay, there is nothing wrong with me emotionally?" He really felt his anger rising again, why wouldn't people just shut-up and leave him alone.

"You had quite a temper tantrum earlier Colonel baby."

"Did you just call me a baby again?"

"Sure did."

"Do you really blame me after all I've been through over the last few months?"

"No, but I don't expect you to be a baby about it, you need to get over it and move on. I was a runner for the wraith for seven years and that's all I could do, pick up and keep moving on. I didn't have time to behave like a baby."

He felt tears stinging his eyes, as he spoke, he didn't know whether they were tears of anger or tears of sorrow, "You don't know me, so don't even pretend to know anything about what I've been through or how I'm feeling."

Just as he felt his rage about to boil over, he felt his back begin to spasm. Wincing he hoped that Ronan wouldn't see the pain in his face, but it was too late Ronan was already tapping his earpiece and all he could do was listen to a one sided conversation, which really did nothing to help alleviate his pain.

"Ronan to Teyla, come in please,"

"He's having back spasms."

"See you then."

"Teyla's on her way, she knows what pills to give you." Ronan mumbled.

"Well… in…that….case…you…don't…need…to…stay." John shouted at him between deep breaths.

"Sheppard, I'm staying until Teyla gets here."

"Just…go," he yelled despite the pain he was in.

John lay there taking deep breaths to try and ease the pain, but nothing seemed to work, he was in absolute agony by the time Teyla arrived.

"Ronan what is happening how is he?"

John spoke from the bed, "he's…right….here…you…know."

He was incredulous, that Teyla wasn't even listening to him and was focusing solely on what Ronan had to say.

"He's having back spasms and I wasn't sure what pills he was supposed to take?" Ronan answered her.

John spoke from the bed, "What…am…I…not…even…here?"

"Here are your pills John, please take them?" Teyla asked, handing him his pills and a cup of water. He took them from her all the while feeling betrayed by her, why had they not just spoken to him and asked him what pills he needed to take? He lay there in silence watching Teyla and Ronan chatting quietly over in the corner of the room. After about five minutes he felt the pain beginning to diminish. Once the pain had been reduced to a dull throb, he knew what he had to do.

Looking over at his friends with cold dark eyes, he spoke in quiet anger, "Please leave my room now and never come back. I don't ever want to see your faces in here again."

He rolled over to face away from them and waited until they had left the room and that was it, he'd pushed away everyone who had ever cared about him. For some reason it felt good, now there was no one controlling his life, if he wanted to stay here forever he could and there was nothing anyone could do about it, because he was alone he no longer had any friends and now he knew that he was more isolated than he had ever been in his entire life.

**TBC….**


	25. Chapter 25: Release

**Chapter 25: Release**

John awoke the next morning hoping that he would be alone. He really felt safe in here by himself, there was no one to tell him what to do, or make decisions for him and that was the way he wanted it to stay; at least for now. He knew that he would probably have to apologise to his friends eventually, but not now; right now he was enjoying his misery and self-pity. Rolling over he saw that someone had left breakfast for him. He managed to sit up and pull the rolling tray over to the bed; taking the lid of the plate he found a large mound of pancakes, with butter and maple syrup on the side. He spied a piece of paper on the side. Picking it up, he realised that it was a note from Teyla.

It read.

_John, _

_We know that you are angry at the moment and even though we understand why, none of us can understand what you have been through over the last six months. We want you to know that we are here for you if you need us, but if you want to be alone we will respect your privacy. _

_John I have delivered some pancakes to your quarters for you. I hope you do not mind, but I have cut them up for you. If you do not appreciate this please let me know._

_Please contact me if you need anything. We will check on you periodically, but other than that we will give you your space. Carson will check on you medical needs once a day, but other than that he will leave you alone._

_Finally John, know that we all love you, but I love you most of all. You are my soul mate and I hope that we can spend the rest of our lives together._

_Love always Teyla._

That was it, the dam was just about to break and at that moment he knew that he needed his best friend, the love of his life with him, he picked up the earpiece that had been left on his bedside table.

"Sheppard to Teyla come in please?" He was trying to control his tears as he spoke.

"_Yes John I am here."_

"Can you please come to my quarters straight away?"

"_I'm on my way John, I will see you soon." _

He lay there blinking back tears, he wasn't sure he wanted Teyla to see him like this; he knew that he had to gain control.

Five minutes later Teyla walked through the door and came to sit next to him on his bed.

"Are you okay John?" She whispered gently.

He felt her arm on his shoulder and that was it, he couldn't hold the tears back any longer and the dam burst, all the pain and anguish he'd felt not only recently, but since he'd come to Atlantis overtook his body and mind until he was sobbing uncontrollably, he rolled over to look at Teyla and she pulled him close. Resting his head on her shoulder, he let the tears come. His body shuddered and shook with pain for what seemed like hours, he hadn't cried like this since his mother's funeral, which his father had judged him for, because his father always told him, 'real men don't cry.

He felt loved and comforted, like he hadn't since his mother has died, as he clung to Teyla. He felt like a man drowning in an ocean of pain and misery and she was his lifeline, his only link to safety and normality.

He felt her arms around him for what seemed like forever; but in reality it was only about ten minutes, slowly he pulled away from her and wiped away his tears and looking into her eyes he smiled, "Sorry about that," He told her still trying hard gain his breath.

"You have no need to apologise John, I am always here for you, as are Rodney and Ronan."

"Yeah well I think I owe all of you an apology, for the way I treated you all last night."

"Perhaps you do, but what do you want from us for now?"

"I really think I'd like to talk to all of you, as soon as possible."

"Okay I will call the others then."

Five minutes later they were all sitting in his room and he felt better than he had for a while, these were his friends and family and he loved them and trusted them, if he couldn't talk to them, then there was no one else who could help him.

He struggled to sit up in bed, finally Ronan helped him sit up and Teyla placed a pillow behind his back. Looking around at the faces of his friends, he knew what he had to do and say. "Guys firstly I want to apologise for what happened last night, it was wrong of me to be so rude and push you away."

When they all nodded their acceptance he continued on, "secondly I think I do really need to talk about what has happened to me, not just what's happened over the last five weeks or so, but what's happened over the last three years since we came to Atlantis."

They nodded again and Teyla spoke, "we are ready to listen and help if we can."

He took a deep breath before he began, "Well you all know that I was only brought along on this expedition, because of my ancient gene and then on my first away mission I killed my CO right?"

They nodded again, "well that has plagued me for years, because if I hadn't had the ancient gene I wouldn't have come on this expedition and I would still be back in Antarctica right now; maybe who knows, before you shut the program down which was causing the problems in Atlantis, the hallucinations kept reminding me of all the times that I had failed and that was one of the things they reminded me off. The worse thing about the hallucinations was that they kept morphing into people who I have disappointed; the main ones were myself, my Father and my brother Dave."

"Hey buddy, If you'd never come on this expedition, I'd probably still be on the run from the wraith right now. You believed in me, even though I tied you up and threatened to kill you." Ronan reassured him.

"Yeah Sheppard and If you hadn't come on this expedition, I'd probably still be stuck in my lab, without any friends, or worse someone would have shot me by now for my arrogant abrasive behaviour."

He smiled at his friend, it wasn't very often that Rodney admitted to his failings, but he was learning.

Teyla spoke next, "You rescued my people from the Wraith when they attacked my world and then you rescued me and my fellow Athosians when they were captured by the wraith, where your leader looked right through me you offered friendship, I will never forget that. You even defended me over your own people when they accused me of collaborating with the wraith. I will be forever thankful that you came on this expedition John."

"I know Teyla, but I was the one who woke the wraith in the first place, after I'd killed my CO."

Teyla took is hand, "yes John, but they would have awoken eventually anyway and without you and Atlantis we would have no one to help us fight, with you here there is now hope, where once there was none."

He looked around the room at each of his friends he was thank full for each of them, they all loved him in their own way, he smiled feeling tears brimming in his eyes again. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of Ronan.

"You know John." He looked up at his big friend when he realised that he had called him by his first name, Ronan never did that.

Ronan paused and then continued on, "It's okay to cry when life gets too hard. I used to do it all the time when I was on the run from the wraith. Then I'd get up and just keep going because I really didn't have any choice, I knew that if I died then the lives lost on Sateda would mean nothing."

John was amazed that Ronan had given him such a long speech. "Thanks Ronan, but why did you call me Colonel Baby?"

Ronan smirked at him, "because I wanted to get you angry, sometimes you have to get really angry to find release and begin the healing process. Usually I'd hit something, but at the moment I don't think the Doc would let you hit anything."

"Thanks Ronan, thank you to all of you."

He sighed feeling a bit better and the tears seemed to have dried up for the moment. "Now all I have to do is deal with the other people I've disappointed in my life."

It was Rodney who spoke up this time, using his most abrasive sarcastic tone, "if the list is as long as the people I've upset or disappointed, we could be here for the rest of our lives."

"Well you're probably right," John said thoughtfully, "but I was thinking of my brother and father."

"Have you considered going back to Earth to visit them, maybe they would be proud of what you have accomplished over the last three years?" Teyla asked him still holding his hand.

"I doubt that, the last conversation I had with dad, he yelled at me and told me I was no son of his and he never wanted to see me again and the worst thing was that Dave agreed. That really hurt, because Dave and I were really close when we were kids."

"Well do not feel guilty about what your father said to you, it is not your fault. The only thing you can do is try and talk to him, if he doesn't want to talk, that's not your problem." Rodney suggested.

He looked around at his friends again and he felt the tears brimming, this was his family and this was what mattered right now, he may go back to earth one day and try to repair his relationship with his father and brother, but for today he was surrounded by his Atlantis family and he took great comfort in that.

Thinking back to all of those things that Daniel Smith had said about him, he knew that the hallucination was wrong about him, he wasn't a loser and he knew that, but sometimes when you think you can't go on, you need your family around you and a hallucination in his head had almost destroyed that for him. One thing he'd learned from this whole experience was that he was stronger with his friends than he was alone. Finally the tears came again and this time he felt the most intense feeling of release.

Teyla patted his hand and pulled him in for a hug, behind her he heard Rodney and Ronan tell him that they were leaving and that they would come back later.

He sat there hugging Teyla and fell into a deep peaceful sleep for the first time in five weeks.

He awoke to the sound of someone pounding on his door and someone sleeping next to him, he smiled when he realised that Teyla had curled up in bed beside him. Nudging her he tried to wake her, "Teyla can you get the door please?"

He watched as she stirred and he took the opportunity to kiss her on the cheek, "Sweetie can you get the door please?"

He watched as she got off his bed and headed to the door, the open door revealed that Rodney and Ronan had come back with Carson and Elizabeth; they were carrying pizza and beer with them.

John's face lit up at the sight, "hey guys I see you brought food with you, come in please, I'm starved. I somehow missed out on breakfast."

"Well I ended up eating your pancakes, because I didn't want them to go to waste and you fell asleep before we could bring you lunch, so you missed out on lunch as well." Rodney supplied.

John smirked, "Well in that case, I'd better be quick Rodney in case you eat all the pizza."

"How are you feeling tonight John?" Carson asked, going into mother hen mode.

"I'm fine thanks Doc, In fact I feel better than I have in days, thanks to some really good friends."

"That's great lad, now have some pizza." Carson offered him a few pieces and a beer.

He swung around on the bed so his legs were hanging over the side and grabbed the pizza, as Carson put the beer on the bedside table. He was very careful to take it easy this time, because the last thing he wanted was for his arm and back to have muscle spasms like they did the last time.

All of a sudden he felt his left leg twitch and move slightly, he looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but they hadn't. He closed his eyes and tried to move it again and to his surprise it was much easier this time. "Hey Doc did you see that, my left leg just moved."

Carson was by his side in a flash, "try again lad?"

He concentrated hard and was able to move it again, being so overjoyed that his leg had moved he tried the right one and to his surprise it moved as well.

Carson smiled at him, "well that is a really good sign Colonel, we may have you on your feet quicker than expected if your legs continue to improve at this rate."

"Thanks Doc, now can you pass me my beer?" He put his pizza on the bed as Carson handed him a beer.

He sat and enjoyed every moment he was there with his friends, he had come so close to losing them, but he should have realised that would never happen, they were family and they weren't going anyway. He knew that he still had a long road to recovery, but he would heal eventually and his friends would be with him every step of the way.

**TBC…**

**Almost done.**


	26. Chapter 26: All is well

**Chapter 26: All is well.**

Three days after his emotional breakdown John was in the infirmary and trying to get on his feet with Carson's help, the paralysis in his legs had disappeared quickly after he had moved his legs for the first time and the next few days he'd had intense physical therapy. Before he really had a chance to stand on his feet Ronan came into the room.

"Do you need any help with that Doc?" Ronan mumbled.

"Thanks Ronan if you could go to Colonel Sheppard's left side and put your arm around his waist, I'll take his other side. Now we don't want to walk far, we just need to get to the chair in the corner and back to the wheelchair again."

"Doc can't I go further?" John whined. He felt so much better and was eager to get back to normal as soon as possible, but even he knew that it would probably be at least another three weeks before he was even on light duty.

Carson looked at him with a face that he knew all too well, it was his don't mess with me, I'm your doctor and I can ground you in the infirmary for as long as I want face. "Just a short distance today and if it is no problem for you, I will let you walk further tomorrow.

John sighed; he knew he wasn't going to win, "sure Doc you're the boss."

"Okay Laddie can you stand up then?" Carson asked going around to John's right side.

John managed to push himself to his feet and stand without assistance; he knew that walking was going to be the hard part. He hadn't walked anywhere in nearly six weeks and he'd only been able to stand properly in the last few days. "Okay Doc I'm ready to go."

Carson wrapped his arm around him on the left and Ronan wrapped his arm around him on the right and then he took his first step. He felt like a baby learning to walk for the first time and he wasn't happy as he shuffled across to the other side of the room. When they got there Carson suggested that he sit down, but there was no way he was going to stop now, so he shook his head and waited for his friends to help him turn around and then he shuffled back to the wheelchair. Feeling totally out of breath by the time he got there, he had no problems with his friends helping him sit down.

"Well done colonel, I think you can probably go a little further tomorrow." Carson praised him, "How's the pain?" The truth was that his side and legs were killing him, but he wasn't going to tell Carson that, he knew that it would settle down after he had his afternoon nap, so he lied, "it's a little sore, but nothing some Tylenol can't fix."

"Okay lad, let's take a look at that arm and if all is well I will take the cast of and give you some Tylenol."

John nodded, as Carson started to wheel him towards the ancient scanner, Ronan left the room, he knew that he would see him after he'd finished in the infirmary, because he had arranged to have dinner with his whole team.

Once they had arrived at the scanner, he lay on his back and let Carson do a full body scan. He closed his eyes and was drifting off to sleep by the time Carson had finished.

He felt a tapping on his shoulder and wondered who was in his bedroom and trying to wake him up, groggily he opened his eyes to realise that he was in the infirmary, still on the scanner bed. Looking around he noticed that Carson was standing next to him, "Oh hey Doc how'd I do, can the cast go, or does it have to stay."

"I've already removed it and put an ace bandage on your wrist. You shouldn't have any problems using it, but if you do please let me know. The damage to your thighs and side appear to be healing nicely as well, if you keep healing at this rate, I should be able to put you back on light duty in two weeks' time and active duty in four."

"Okay thanks Doc, but how long was I asleep?"

"You were asleep for about two hours, so I took the liberty of injecting a pain killer into your arm about an hour ago, that should keep you going until bedtime."

John's eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face, as Teyla entered to room.

"How is he Doctor Beckett, can I take him to dinner now?"

Not giving Carson a chance to answer John spoke up, "He's right here and doing fine and yes he'd love to go to dinner right now." He smirked at Carson wondering what he would say next.

Carson just confirmed what he had already said, "aye lass he's fine and yes you can take him to dinner."

"Really Doc no come back," he joked.

"Just get out of here, or I'll keep you here for the night Colonel," Carson said with a serious look on his face.

He felt terrified that Carson would keep him there, so he waved to the Doctor and let Teyla push him out of the room.

Arriving at the mess hall a few minutes later, he found that Ronan and Rodney had already sat down at a table overlooking the ocean; Teyla very quickly pushed him over to join them.

"What's for dinner guys?" He asked admiring the view.

"Well seeing as you haven't had any real food in six weeks, the chef managed to get us some steaks." Rodney told him excitedly.

"Great where is it them?"

A few minutes later the chef brought over four of the biggest steaks he'd ever seen. His mouth started to water in anticipation, as the chef set down his dinner. He waited a few minutes and was handed a knife and fork. He knew that the strength in his left wrist was quite low, but he only had to hold a fork with it, so there was nothing that was going to spoil this moment for him. He started to cut up his steak and feed himself without any problems; other than a sore wrist. It was an absolute milestone for him, being able to feed himself with no-one having to cut his food up for him, just another step on the road to complete recovery.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carson left his office early the following morning, he had been on duty all night, but as is hadn't really been that busy, he had slept most of it. Now he had a meeting with Elizabeth and Kate in fifteen minutes to discuss Colonel Sheppard's progress. He wanted to check on Colonel Sheppard first, so he headed down to crew quarters. He arrived just in time to see him disappear around the corner with Ronan on foot; they were obviously out for a walk. He smiled, when he thought about the hard time he would give Colonel Sheppard later at his check-up. Of course he knew that John would do exactly the opposite of what he told him, which is why he told him not to walk far. He'd told Ronan to start taking him on longer walks, but he hadn't told the Colonel.

He was still grinning from ear to ear when he arrived in Elizabeth's office a few minutes later.

Before bothering to look up he sat down, when he finally got around to looking up at the two women in the room, he found them both staring at him, "what?" He asked.

"Why are you grinning from ear to ear?" Elizabeth asked the amusement evident in her voice.

"Colonel Sheppard is doing the exact opposite of what I've told him."

"And that is good how?" Elizabeth asked with her hands on her hips.

"It means that he's getting back to normal, he always does the exact opposite to what I tell him and so I thought I'd give him a little test. I told him not to walk far and of course he had to go out for a nice long stroll with Ronan this morning. I let Ronan in on the plan, so that he could accompany him."

"That's pretty sneaky of you Carson," Elizabeth told him with a smile on her face.

"How do you think Colonel Sheppard will respond when he finds out?" Kate asked and Carson could tell that she was concerned.

"I'm positive he'll find it amusing," he's been his usually cheerful self the last week and I think it's time things got back to normal."

"How is his emotional state?" Kate asked him forcefully.

"Like I said Kate, things seem to be getting back to normal, he spent a long time talking to his team last week and I think it actually helped him."

"Okay Carson keep me informed," Kate told him.

"Yes keep me informed as well Carson and you're both dismissed?" Elizabeth told them.

Carson got up and left the room laughing to himself, he was going to have so much fun with Colonel Sheppard when he came in later.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

John wheeled himself into the infirmary at 1400 hours, having just awoken from a nap. His legs and side really ached form the hour long walk he had taken this morning and he knew that Carson wasn't going to like it. Carson could read him like a book and was always able to tell when he was in pain.

Arriving at the door, he put on his best fake smile, before entering; he really didn't want to give Carson any excuse to yell at him. "Hey Doc how are you?"

"Colonel, how has your day been? Have you brought your chaperone with you?"

John stared at the Doc, there was something about the look on his face, it was almost as if he was hiding something, he looked at him a bit longer and shook his head, must be imagining things, he thought. "Ronan isn't my shadow; I think I can manage on my own for a few hours."

"Okay Laddie can you hop up on the bed, and I'll take a look at those legs of yours."

Trying to hide a grimace, he managed to stand even though his legs felt stiff and painful. Once he was on the bed he looked up at Doc and found him staring at him, "is there a problem Dr Beckett?" He asked.

"You've been walking around on that legs haven't you?" Carson asked him looking very serious.

"What makes you say that Doc?"

"Well I can see you're clearly in pain, didn't I tell you to only take short walks."

He looked at Carson with his best puppy dog eyes, trying to get on his good side, "well Doc, I only walked for an hour before lunch and an hour after lunch that is a short walk for me."

He watched his friend for any signs of anger or disappointment, but he saw none. Carson just went about checking his wounds. Carson was up to something, "Doc, aren't you going to shout at me for doing the wrong thing."

"Well know I'm not, you did exactly what I expected you to do, the opposite of what I asked you to do."

He looked at Carson feeling a little confused, "you mean you expected me to take a long walk?"

"Yep I knew that if I told you not too you would. Now I know that things are back to normal with you."

"You mean you were giving me a test Doc?"

"Yes."

He smiled his crooked grin at his friend, "wow, Carson that's very sneaky of you and I must say I'm proud of you. I never knew you were such a sneak."

"Well I'm happy to say that your legs are healing nicely, you can start taking longer walks each day, as long as you take someone with you."

"You mean I should take shorter walks by myself then Doc?" He quipped.

"Cheeky bugger," Carson muttered, as he helped John into his wheelchair.

"Okay I'll see you in a weeks' time for a check-up, if I'm satisfied things are going well and Kate agrees I'll release you to light duty."

That had to be the best news he'd heard in a long time, "thanks Doc," he said waving at the Doc as he left the infirmary. Today he felt truly happy, happier than he'd been in a long time. He was well on the road to recovery and he had dealt with the demons from the past by sharing with his friends. The future looked much brighter than it had for a long time.

**Four weeks later.**

John was standing in the gate room waiting for Teyla. Elizabeth had agreed that he and Teyla could travel to New Athos for a few days to visit her people. They had thought about taking the jumper, but in the end had decided that it wasn't far and they would both enjoy the walk.

After his emotional break down, his recovery had been quick. He felt that the weight of the world had been lifted of his shoulders at that time. Three weeks after that event he had been cleared for full active duty by Kate and Carson. Things had been relatively quiet during that time, so he had found time to catch up on his paperwork. Thinking back to what had gone on to lead him to the point of having and emotional breakdown still made him shudder, but he knew that if his friends hadn't been there for him, he wouldn't be standing here right now.

Smiling he remembered how his relationship with Teyla had developed over the last few weeks and he couldn't be happier. He was positive that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and he knew she felt the same; one day he would ask her to marry him.

Hearing someone grumbling and complaining loudly, he looked up to see McKay heading his way.

"Sheppard, I've found a lab on FMX-789 and I need your ancient gene to test it, but Elizabeth won't let me take you."

"Rodney why don't you take Lorne with you, I'm going on a vacation with Teyla for a few days, plus I don't think I ever want to see an ancient lab ever again."

"But…."

Rodney was interrupted by Teyla entering the gate room, "are you ready to go Honey?" She asked taking his hand.

"As ready as I'll ever be Sweetie."

He looked up to the control room to see chuck working there, "Dial her up Chuck."

He stood watching the chevrons light up, it was a sight that he would never get sick of seeing, once the seventh chevron had lit up and the worm whole had engaged, he and Teyla stepped through the event horizon.

**Fin…**

**I want to thank everyone who's stuck with this story to the end. Thank you to all of those who have reviewed, I am totally overwhelmed by the support and encouragement for this story, I'm glad that you've enjoyed it. **


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